Why My Motto is "Nothing Matters" • Lila
My best friend, Olivia, introduced me to this motto this past year and it has dictated my decisions ever since. Sure - things matter - yes. But, in the big picture, grand scheme of things, it’s time to take inventory of what actually really matters.
I’m in my early twenties and up until now everything has felt overwhelmingly heavy with consequence, everything has felt like it’s mattered. Down to what lotion I should buy, to what I should eat for dinner, to what carefully crafted reply I should send to my crush. EVERYTHING. I think this belief begins when life feels fresh, in middle school and high school. Relationships and reputations feel so unbelievably fragile and we begin to carry this sense of worry into the rest of our years that we might rupture our curated universes if we fail to make the right decision.
This induces (in me) so much anxiety and fear.
Fear that I’ll fail, embarrass myself, invoke shadowy feelings, the list goes on. But one day while discussing some trivial predicament of mine, Olivia responded to my very long rant with “nothing matters.” In that moment it truly hit me. I had been draining all my energy and giving away power to so many things and people that did not and do not matter to me.
We place so much emphasis and “matter” onto such menial things that we can lose sight of what actually does matter.
I’m still learning what truly matters to me. It still matters what lotion I buy because I care about what products I use, but it no longer matters what message I send my crush or if this guy I decide to ask out for drinks says no, or if I lose a necklace I bought a week ago. Those events no longer steal my energy or weigh heavy on my chest and mind.
The next time you’re ruminating over a decision or action, take a moment to ask yourself why you think it matters to you. If your answer conjures up a piece of your shadow or low self-worth (ie. I want to please him/her; I don’t want to look lame) then you need to write this trigger (the decision or whatever it may be) down in the “does not matter” list of yours.
Then release it.
It takes time, of course, and I still feel those phantom butterflies in my stomach with decisions or actions that used to trigger me. But, there’s growth in challenge and self-worth. Nothing matters until you give it energy. Keep your sacred energy stored for things that truly matter to your soul.
Because of this motto I am liberated. Because of this motto I have been able to strengthen my trust muscle tenfold. I am shedding. I am becoming more confident.
How are you shedding what doesn’t truly matter to your soul?
Where are you giving away energy?