Out of the Manifestation Closet • Amanda Blair
We're excited to announce our newest series on the blog: Out of the Manifestation Closet • Expanders!
We know it can be difficult to find manifestation expanders out there when the topic is still somewhat "taboo." So we're sharing this series as a platform for UNBLOCKERS who have manifested their list to act as humility expanders for those of you who may be struggling in your manifestation process. It's not all rainbows and unicorns when you're in the midst of THE WORK, but we're hoping these stories and journies with their ups and downs will inspire you to continue building your trust muscle and never stop asking for what you deserve.
We couldn't think of anyone more suited to kick off our series than Amanda Blair, super-manifester, spiritual guide and absolute inspiration!
Amanda Blair had her first session with me four months after I launched my manifestation practice. She sat in the passenger seat of her friend's car, near her birthday, and continued to tell me what she was calling in and wanting to manifest, a relationship and career.
She soon became a regular client and then very quickly a friend. In true impulsive strong Aries fashion, I'd prescribe the homework and what to do, and she wouldn't do any of the homework or implement my advice. But then one day, after a little heart(ego)break, she started doing the work and passing tests. And as such a seeker, in the sixth months leading up to jumping off of her biggest cliff (a sixth month travel around the world on her savings), I saw her grow rapidly into such a magnetic and worthy woman. Many of you have requested an expander series on actual manifesters, so I couldn't think of a more expansive one than Amanda to kick this series off with - having manifested her biggest expander, a sixth-month travel around the world, and a true love (down to red hair)! I'll let her get into the semantics. But I encourage you to follow her into her new endeavors and DM her with any Qs you have! She's a fellow projector and light being that is going to do something big to help the world one day soon! She already is by simply living in her authentic worthy truth.
I was born in Fayetteville, Arkansas in a trailer park. A tornado hit either right before I was born or right after, either way, the chaos of the twister was a good indication of how my upbringing would go. My parents were very young, 20 and 24 when they had me and their youth led them to move us from Arkansas to Seattle then Northern California and back again. We finally chose a state, California, and I spent the rest of my childhood growing up in the suburbs of the Bay Area.
My parents who always had a rocky relationship-my first memory is of them fighting-separated when I was 4 and even at the young age, I knew it was a good idea. I never had the desire for my parents to get back together either. I was like, “about time guys!”
Mom worked to support us, I grew up in daycare and my Dad was around but, not consistently. I like to say my Dad is the first guy I ever chased. My Dad would take me for the weekend but bring along a new girlfriend who I would have to share his attention with the whole time. Both my parents were in and out of relationships, much like any other 20 something, and I was there to witness them all. Both my parents found partners eventually, got remarried and for a while, the chaos calmed down. We had proper family meals in each house. My Dad was consistent in picking me up for the weekend. My Mom and Stepdad took my brothers and I on fun outings. It was a great time in life. It didn’t last for long though and the fighting I once knew between my parents, reared up again within their new marriages. When my Mom divorced my Step Dad, it was a relief. He is not a great guy. However, when my Dad and Stepmom, Lory, divorced too, it was harder. My Stepmom and I were very close (still are!) and it was scary to think I might lose her. Luckily, my Mom and Dad were totally onboard with Lory staying a big part of my life.
Describe where you were at in your life and worth when you first started this process?
Coming from a chaotic and trauma-filled childhood left me with zero self-worth and A LOT of insecurity. I spent the majority of my early 20’s doing what I thought I should- get a degree, get a “good” job at a company, make money, etc. Turns out, I hate sales and any sort of traditional path. In my first brush with manifestation, I manifested a move to New York when I was 25, a dream since I was 14, to start living life my way. I want to say everything was all rainbows and sunshine from then on out but, it was far from it. My low self-worth and insecurity turned my relationship with alcohol into addiction and right before my move I had fled (and subsequently burned) the first man who was good to me and it left me very raw. I was at my lowest point during my first few years in New York; low key partying had morphed into regular blacking out and not knowing how I got home. I was meeting emotionally unavailable guy after the next who would all leave my heart in a million pieces. Through this turmoil, I would get a random “ping” that was so loud, I had to listen to it-- even if the negative talk in my head told me there was no way in hell I could do it. One of those pings led me to become a yoga teacher and I found myself, for the first time, with a real passion for what I was doing for work. My self-worth was still so low that I let myself get sucked into work situations that were as unhealthy as my relationships-- emotional abuse, being overworked without compensation, backstabbing, secret keeping, etc. By the time I found Lacy, I was about to be 31, terrified, burned out on teaching yoga and life in general.
I am a quadruple Aires so, I am all fire. All this fire can be really great (you’ll never find someone more enthusiastic than me) but, I am also bull-headed times four. And terribly impatient. Add this all together and you get me not doing all the hard homework Lacy gave me for about a year. However, at the beginning, I did the bare minimum and the first block I was able to see quickly was who I was dating and how they impacted my life. I had no idea that allowing myself to be small in a relationship and settling for scraps was blocking me in every other area as well. Figuring that out led me to my manifesting a dream job with a career expander--more on that later--, my first conscious manifestation. A year later, on the brink of 32, I FINALLY started doing all the homework-- in addition to getting sober-- and I uncovered my other blocks: feeling pathetic for wanting love, feeling stupid because I don’t have perfect grammar, not being perfect therefore rendering me unlovable and shame for how I grew up. I also had unresolved anger that I needed to address because it was keeping my heart closed.
Biggest Inner-Child Wound
My biggest childhood wound was lack of trusting in myself and thinking I was not capable. Previous to doing the work, I would expect absolute perfection from myself and if I didn’t give it then I wouldn’t allow myself to even try. For example, I was always told as a kid I wasn’t athletic. I played soccer and I was on the swim team but, after every game or meet I was always met with some variation of “oh, well you’re not that good are you?”. To be fair, I didn’t, and don’t, have a ton of athletic prowess and more importantly, a desire to develop it but, this idea of not being capable ran under everything I did. When I started doing the work seriously, I decided to test my capableness. I have always wanted to be a runner and run a marathon but, believed I couldn’t do it. Well, last summer I started running and was running 15 miles by October. Next stop, marathon town!
Biggest Shadow Self
My shadow self is that there is something inherently wrong with me and I am unworthy of love or what I desire. This will often manifest as me feeling envious of others because I put them on a pedestal and lowly me could never achieve what they are achieving, live the way they are living or have what they have. After doing a lot of work and unblocking, I was aware of this shadow but, feeling lost on how to incorporate it into myself for wholeness. I turned to Lacy for guidance and she explained that,
any light I see in others is simply my own light and potential shining back at me.
If I recognize greatness inside another, they are mirroring the greatness that lies within me. Now, when I’m triggered by envy, I get stoked! It’s showing me where I’m not witnessing my own light and gives me an opportunity to do so.
Give us some background on how dating, life, and career had been going for you before you manifested each?
Before I started teaching yoga, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Finding yoga and beginning to teach it was a real game-changer for me. It lit me up and I was able to feel real passion for my work for the first time. Unfortunately, in New York, you have to HUSTLE to survive as a yoga teacher. I am not a hustler (projector here). And forcing myself to hustle for the 4 years I taught full time, left me feeling burnt out and resentful of the very thing I loved.
I have wanted to do a backpack travel trip for an extended amount of time since I was in high school. I was lucky enough to have a Stepmom who traveled extensively and was an early expander for me as she took me on my first trip to NYC and to Europe. She allowed me to see the word was big and ignited a fire within me to explore it. My low self-worth and limited belief of not being capable meant I spent YEARS thinking I couldn’t afford to travel on my own. I had bad role modeling with money and I carried all the bad habits I learned into my life. For a long time, I felt I was a victim to never having enough money and would never be able to save. As I started raising my self-worth, the beliefs about money slowly started to get unblocked. I began to save money when I was pulling in the least I had ever made and once I started making more, I realized how easy it was to save more. Starting to save money reinforced trust within myself and travel became less “yeah right” and more “where do I want to go?”. I started taking little trips with my best friend to Joshua Tree, Cuba and Sedona to test the travel waters. I manifested a work trip to Spain. Successfully taking small trips, meaning I wasn’t left penniless after, allowed my mind open to the possibility that I COULD do long-term travel.
Before I started unblocking, expanding and raising my worth, I was a dating disaster. The stories I have of what I’ve accepted, things I’ve done to get guy’s attention and the level of obsession I’ve had with people who could care less, makes me cringe. Any dating that’s out there, I’ve done. Truly. To use Lacy’s words, I ran into the fire like EVERY SINGLE TIME.
What core wants were on your list for Expander, travel, and love?
When I started first started teaching yoga, I was also managing yoga studios and was met with toxic work environments from one studio to the next. Weirdly, there are a lot of egomaniacs that run yoga studios. I left the managing world to focus solely on teaching and got the first taste of working for myself. I loved having more free time and the ability to be in control of my schedule. Having freedom for the first time showed me I wanted to take working for myself more seriously, meaning I wanted to create my own thing. However, I had zero ideas how to do it and felt very lost on where to start. My worth was really low in this area still so, I decided to call in an expander. I wanted a powerful, emotionally healthy woman who had started her own business to show me how it was done. I also wanted to share all I was learning from my personal study and only teaching yoga began to feel limiting. I became very interested in combining all my passions at that point; movement, nutrition, and therapy. I decided I wanted to start a nutrition therapist practice that incorporated yoga as a tool for healing. I felt very clever because I had created a new term and had the idea to combine therapies in an innovative new way! I also decided I would need to learn how to run a nutrition therapy practice as I had no idea on how to do that either. I decided to call in working at a wellness office too-- I was unaware if this actually existed or not. I wanted a beautiful office, focused solely on wellness, various healers on staff, allowed for flexibility in my schedule and to pay me a certain amount.
After about 8 months of kind of doing the work and kind of not doing all of the work, I called in my list for the first time. A thing you should know about me is, I have a thing for redheads and if they are British, forget it. For this particular list I had left off the British requirement just to experiment if it was really a requirement for me. So, this guy had bright red hair (check!) and all of the other two pages of qualities I listed, down to a high powered job (clean energy engineer)with a creative passion on the side (carpenter). We had three incredible dates. For example, during our first date, when he pulled me in for our first kiss, it started pouring down rain. Hello! Does it get more romantic? Pouring down rain and kissing is Notebook level romance. After our third date, we both went out of town for two weeks. When we both returned to New York he sent a text saying he didn’t see us having a romantic future. Cue the hysterics right? Not this time. I was really proud I had raised my worth enough to call in a guy of his caliber- a man who had the decency and respect to communicate when the romance didn’t feel quite right for him. He showed me I was on the path and I was able to date in an entirely new way! I didn’t rush to sleep with him or chase him around.
I allowed him to pursue me and had healthy boundaries. And when he broke it off, I didn’t obsess or hold on to it as a sign of my lacking. Instead, I felt empowered and let him go quickly. After I stopped seeing him, I did the shadow workshop and had a huge, powerful unblocking and my next list came in quickly after. This guy was ginger and British (I redid my list and put British back on). This guy was the shiniest carrot I had ever seen. He was so shiny I missed two huge red flags. He was a big test and I didn’t pass. We dated for a month and then he ghosted me. Ghosted me after telling me he saw us getting married and having babies. This was after like, four dates. HUGE RED FLAG! I won’t lie, this one hurt. I had come so far and it was hard to get burned again. I let myself be sad for two weeks and then I let the situation motivate me. I was clearly on the right path and this guy actually helped me see where I was still playing small. I had what I like to call, Disney princess syndrome, and was still at 32, waiting for the fairy tale. I was waiting for the promised white knight and for him to save me. This is sad to admit but, it’s the truth. After he bailed, I broke up with the idea of being “saved” for good. You know who was going to save me? ME! I became super empowered and emboldened by this breakup and decided to do a huge overhaul on what kind of man I was calling in.
My list for a partner had always been two pages long. No joke. After this last experience, I realized most of the two pages worth of qualities I was wanting in someone were qualities I could cultivate inside myself. I redid my list again and this time boiled it down to 9 key traits. The way I did it is, I took my previous lists and distilled each thing down. For example, the red-headed British requirement was because I equated those traits with a guy who was emotionally available and open. I crossed out the red hair and British and put the distillation down instead. When I couldn’t distill a real, deep reason out of a particular trait I had written down, I knew it was coming from ego and tossed it. Of course, there was one exception. I love long hair. No deep reason, I just love it. I kept that one! I finally got down to my core 9: emotionally available and open, spiritually inclined, creative/artist, long hair (beard would be welcomed), entrepreneur or freedom in schedule, kind-hearted, balanced in masculine/feminine but takes the masculine role in the relationship, honest to a fault, wants a family, wants a committed relationship.
My travel list was pretty simple: I wanted to go to Cambodia, Laos, Vietnam, Thailand, India, and Bali. I wanted to save a set amount of money to travel with so I could be gone for at least 4 months.
How did each show-up/manifest?
After I found clarity on what I was looking to call in career-wise, I stopped thinking about my lists and I focused on teaching. I let these ideas take a back burner because I still didn’t quite believe I could manifest them. However, soon after I lost another class from a studio for my room was too hot (this was the third time I had lost a class or classes for a silly reason) and was feeling really low. What was I going to do?! How would I pay rent, survive, etc? In an effort to distract myself from misery, I went on Instagram. I started scrolling on the “people you may know” page and stopped on a beautiful picture. I opened it and low and behold, it was a Nutrition therapist (I was shocked I hadn’t made up that term) who was looking for a full-time assistant to work with her in a beautiful wellness office. Honest to God, I sat and re-read the post for a full five minutes in utter disbelief. Could it be the exact thing I was calling in was staring back at me?! I immediately sent an email with a resume thinking there was no way I would get it. I got an email back from Dana the next morning setting up a phone interview. From the phone interview, I got an in-person interview and was able to see if this job was my full list. It was! Dana was everything I was looking for in an expander and I would be working in a wellness office of my dreams! She even incorporated Kundalini yoga as a healing modality for her practice exactly like I wanted to do in my own! When she told me she was bi-coastal and this would allow me to make my own hours every other week, I knew it was exactly what I had been calling in. I got hired on the spot.
When I left for travel, I had ZERO intention in meeting anyone. In fact, I was excited to use the time I would be traveling to just be with myself. I even declared I would be celibate! Two weeks into my trip, I was in Siem Reap and was supposed to only be there for two days. The night before I was planning on leaving, I felt a ping to stay longer and an even louder ping to book a room at a certain hostel. I listened to the first ping easily but the second, I dismissed. I went to book a room at another hostel and couldn’t get the booking to go through. All the while, my intuition was loudly telling me it had to be this one hostel. Finally, I gave in. I booked the hostel and I felt an immediate peace. The next morning, as I walked into the hostel, I met my partner. I didn’t know at that exact moment of course but, we started talking and literally didn’t stop talking for a full five days. He was my full list, plus some things I had had on my previous lists too (cooks delicious food for me and loves old music) . And because the Universe has a sense of humor, he has a red beard (which means he has the red hair gene) and is half British (even lived in London)/half Australian.
How did travel expanders show you that this 6th-month travel was possible?
I met three people back to back that allowed me to turn my dream of traveling into a reality.
Expander- I met Erik because he was filming a promotional video for my friends yoga studio. He ran his own yoga video platform business, lived in Bali and was in NYC for business. We became friends. I was really in awe of his life and I shared how I had a dream to travel but, wasn’t sure I could pull it off. His eyes lit up as he described he had felt the same way before he took his first trip. He worked in some fancy job in Chicago and felt like long term travel would be too irresponsible. This was a huge fear of mine too! He beat the fear by saying, screw it! And went to travel anyway. In his case, traveling led him to create his own business, live in a foreign country and live a dream life he didn’t think was possible previously. He gave me his steps for leaving- tell everyone so he was held accountable, save x amount of money, buy a ticket and just go. He gave me the courage to face my fear and though his steps weren’t rocket science, I used them to get me going too.
Seeing is believing- Erik helped me work up the courage to announce, I was going to travel! And then I immediately started to fear I couldn’t save enough money being a yoga teacher. Enter Katie. We met teaching at a studio and she had just gotten back from a backpacking trip and was planning another. I asked her every question I had and how she had figured it out for herself. She was my full seeing is believing.
I need a sign- When I manifested my position with Dana, I began to question my decision to travel. I had this amazing opportunity to work with a career expander and at a wellness office that I loved. Even though I had told everyone I knew I was going and had begun to save, I started to waver on the idea and asked the Universe to give me a sign. One day a friend invited me to a small business market, where small business sold their wares. I was wandering around the booths when I stopped to see a women who was doing a version of art therapy. You sat down with her, told her your dreams and fears holding you from them and she drew a picture to help you find clarity. Always one for the promise of clarity, I sat down to get my drawing. As I was talking about my travel plans and hesitations, she finished the drawing and grasped my hands. She looked in my eyes earnestly and told me I had to go travel. I was meant to do it, she could just feel it. She asked if I had bought my ticket out of the country yet. I sheepishly replied no and offered excuses for putting it off. She asked if I would be willing to promise myself and her to buy it on the following Monday. I had asked for a sign and this felt like a really obvious one so, I said yes! She got my email and said she would remind me Monday. Monday morning a loving and encouraging email showed up in my inbox. After reading it, I immediately searched for a flight to Cambodia and booked it on the spot!
What were the biggest subconscious expansions you had working under your expander?
Working with Dana expanded me the most by showing me the how. I ran the backend of her business and doing so gave me the insight into what it takes to create, grow and maintain a business. Personally, she helped me affirm qualities I had tried to suppress. When she championed traits that other bosses had put me down for it allowed me to integrate them fully and I gained more confidence in myself. Dana showed me how powerful it is when a woman is rooted in her feminine. I also came to realize I don’t want to do exactly what she does. I realized, I don’t want to be tied to an office and want to focus more on therapy/coaching women versus nutrition therapy. Working with her so closely in Nutrition Therapy though, I gained through osmosis, more knowledge on the inner workings of my body and it’s systems. The knowledge, coupled with the access to all the incredible healers at our wellness office, I began to heal deep rooted issues with my hormones, thyroid and adrenals.
Who were your love expanders?
This is going to sound very strange but, my love expanders were my ex and his wife. This particular ex is the one I mentioned I had fled and burned right before moving to NYC. It was a breakup that haunted me for years. He had been my dream guy, I lost him and then he was married. It didn’t help that I saw him and his wife EVERYWHERE. I worked with Lacy a lot on this dilemma because it ate me up and kept me blocked. What I came to realize is he was a standard for me, in what a man could be. And he and his wife had the kind of relationship I myself wanted. Running into them everywhere was the Universe showing me what was possible for me, if I continued to raise my worth and stop settling for less.
We all know that once our manifestations show up it doesn't mean happily ever after, what are you continuing to learn from each, how are you growing, and what inner work has surfaced since?
Traveling has been the greatest gift I have given myself. It not only led me to meet my partner Guy, it also afforded me time and space to figure out what I truly want out of this life. Before traveling, I was getting caught up in the “shoulds”. I should have a nice apartment. I should get married soon. I should have a successful career already. Etc. Traveling has shown me that freedom, seeing new places and adventure make me insanely happy. It made me proud to be a free spirit, carving her own path and on her own timeline. I knew i wanted to work for myself before I left and traveling has shown me that it’s actually essential for my well being. I love being transient and traveling! My focus now is on creating a life where that is always possible.
In regards to manifestation, I feel I’m at a really exciting time. I’ve manifested big, huge dreams I didn’t think were possible. I asked for a job that i didn’t think existed at an office I didn’t think was real and then found both. What?! I was single, desperately single, for 8 years and found love again. I was a perpetually broke, yoga teacher with student loans that manifested traveling for 7 months! I now trust I can call in exactly what I’m desiring, no matter how big, and that I am worthy of what is I desire. Even now, as I’m heading back to the states, having spent most of my savings, I’m not worried.
I know how to call in what I need and the Universe 100% has my back.
As far as love goes, my relationship with Guy has been incredibly healing. He has fostered my creativity and helped me believe in my abilities. He pushes me to chase my dreams of writing and coaching women. He sees me fully-- traveling together means we’ve seen the worst of the worst of each other along with the best of the best-- and loves me for exactly who I am. We have had the most romantic, loving and fun 7 months traveling the world together. It’s the healthiest relationship I have ever been in and it has been gratifying to witness myself become the woman I’ve been working on being. I am currently writing this from Australia where I flew to surprise him. He had flown back home after we arrived in Bali because he was out of funds and felt ready to be in one place for awhile. We’ve spent the last month in Australia, more in love than ever but, also having the tough conversations of where our relationship is headed when I go back to the States. Fun fact- Guy is 23 and I am 33. The ten year age gap made no difference for the initial part of our partnership. As we started to talk about moving forward, I shared I would be ready for family in the next 2-3 years and he shared he won’t be ready for closer to 7-8 years. I accept where he is at and he accepts where I am. Neither of us have the desire to force one to wait or speed up for the other. This coupled with the idea of long distance, we are ending our romantic relationship and continuing on as dear friends. We love each other enough to let the other go and honestly, I find that so beautiful. Are we sad? Yes. Of course but, my love tank is so full from this relationship, I mostly feel deep, deep gratitude.
What can we expect from you next, epic manifester?
Oh man, I have a lot planned! Right now, I am focused on carving out a business for myself. I want to center my business on writing, coaching women and being able to work from anywhere. In fact, I had written on a list months and months ago that I wanted to write an article for FN. I AM WRITING THE ARTICLE RIGHT NOW! AH. When I manifest an item on my list, I think of it as the Universe telling me, “you’re going the right way, keep going!”. Thank you Universe (and FN!)
The next big things I’m looking to manifest in addition to the above are: $1k a month studio (I can sublet when needed) in Brooklyn, living in Paris for a year to learn French, and a road trip across the states
Please submit your manifestation success stories via email at firstname.lastname@example.org to be featured in our new #UNBLOCKERexpanders series to expand others on what is possible.
Share with anyone needing expanders!