Out of the Closet • UNBLOCKED Expander
We continue the UNBLOCKER Expander series. One of my dearest Libra clients in NYC who will remain anonymous due to the nature of her work sent me this email two days ago. I thought it could be of use to help expand so many of you, so I asked her if I could share. Kick back and let the expanding and new tools take you by storm. I've watched her wholeheartedly face her biggest fears and truly step into herself and it's been such an honor!
"Let me start by saying that I just booked my dream clients for an amazing project that is going to pay me more than I have ever been paid and place me smack-dab in the middle really exciting, expanded creative work.
This month has been the greatest lesson in both completely trusting/staying open and doing the work.
To say that the last few weeks were dark is an understatement. I have been feeling very beaten down as the last of my savings started to run out and work slowed down to a screeching halt.
Earlier in the summer I had a job opportunity that did not light me up but was going to pay me enough money to cover all my expenses for a few months. It was a short gig, 18 days, and I was very torn because, well, it was a lot of money and I work for myself. Right off the bat the job didn't feel right but I wanted to stay open to the opportunity so I kept wrestling with my decision.
During this time I discovered that I was a generator, which made so much sense. Even though deep down I knew I should pass on the job I was still really unsure how to proceed so I just said out loud - I know I'm only supposed to do work that lights me up but I need this job. I’m going to take it but please, please send me work that lights me up.
Up until that moment I had been asking for aligned clients, an aligned romantic partner, and an aligned business partner but suddenly that all felt limiting - what did I even mean by aligned? What I wanted was work, people, and experiences that lit me up. So I just started to ask for that. "Universe, I want to be lit up. I don't care what it is - I want to be of service and I want to feel lit up."
During this period an acquaintance in my circle (now a dear friend) needed an extra hand with a pop-up abroad and I said YES. The experience was amazing and as I got to know her better she ended up being 100% an expander for me.
When I got back I was still thinking I was going to say yes to that 18-day job but my heart was saying NO. Then she essentially ghosted me, which was both a relief and a stressor. I went into a really crazy hormonally fueled downward spiral because I was feeling incredibly frustrated not just with work but with all aspects of my life. I couldn't stop crying. I couldn’t stop comparing my life to other people’s. I felt like a complete loser. I felt lost even though over the past 6 years I have accomplished a lot of things I only once dreamed of, not least of which was finding work that I am madly in love with, but I have been working on getting to my next level for a few years and just felt so stuck!
It's so interesting because the internal work really is for our entire lifetime. I had done so much shadow work in my mid-30s and was for years radiant from it. Not even knowing how I manifested a lot, BUT over the years I lost that radiance and I covered it by shopping. I realized that I was in fact putting myself in this dark place. I have tons of credit card debt. I realized that my entire life there had been moments I had shopped to cover up my insecurities and self-soothe. I vaguely knew this about myself but never fully acknowledged it. I’ve also known for a long time that buying things keeps me from filling up on things that actually inspire me while simultaneously giving me a quick creative hit.
Seeing so clearly how I was holding myself back was such a gift. It made me see I needed to go deeper. As I listened to your recent podcasts and episodes of SUPPORTED I decided to do UNBLOCKED again BUT more importantly, I committed to daily work. The Daily Reprograming (DRE) was a game changer.
The key that opened the door was looking at how I shopped to self-soothe (and as entertainment). But once I looked at where that came from and what had been imprinted in me about self-worth through clothing as girl growing up in Latin America, I started seeing more breadcrumbs and a deeper understanding of self worth emerged. I started seeing how the energetics behind everything were essentially what I was silently communicating about myself.
I started literally catching all the moments in my day that needed reprogramming and doing just that. Really, I just started to ask myself why all the time. Why did I feel self-conscious while talking to so and so? Why did that make me feel lonely? Every time I felt any discomfort I would ask why and walk it back as far as I could trace it then reprogram it. There is still lots of work to be done DAILY. I have to catch all the ways in which I lower my self-worth by caring more about what others will think of me or worst by stressing out about whether I have disappointed someone.
I also started to really use my actions as a way of communicating my worth. This meant not buying anything unless I could physically pay for it with money I’d earned in the present and not money I would earn in the future. I started directly talking to the universe in a very honest and frank way. For the past year I have picked up extra work by working for a friend who is very disorganized and gets very frazzled. Working for him has really helped me at times when I haven’t booked enough work and I’m grateful but last week I realized I really didn’t want to be in that kind of work energy. It was just very clear to me that I was done working like that and I said, universe thank you for sending me extra work but I only want to work for people that expand me or light me up.
After getting clear on that, it felt like something shifted. Whatever that dark place was it was really the thing that helped me turn the corner. I could just feel something great was coming.
Last Friday the two people who are my number one expanders emailed me asking to meet with me. It didn't come out of nowhere. It came from networking and working hard at what I love.
As soon as I met them I knew it would be a good fit. I love their work. I love that they work both together and separately. That they are masters in their field and like me, late bloomers. That they live well and travel. And they were kind, present and generous with their time. We completely clicked and they even wrote me a thank you for meeting with them, not the other way around.
Before writing them a proposal I was nervous and so, so excited since they are at the very, very top of my list of expanders. I did tons of extra shadow/opulence work. I got very clear on what I wanted my proposal to convey - expertise, confidence, warmth, and openness to negotiate while holding my worth. I asked for so much more than I originally intended to not out of greed but because I thought about the work, its value, and my dedication to the work when I’m doing what I love. (Hello, generator)
While I waited to hear back I did DRE around really subtle discomforts I was having about asking for a lot more money.
Less than a day later they said YES. No negotiating, which has often been the case with clients. They told me they thought I had a smart approach, were excited to work with me, and that the price felt right. I’ve been bouncing off the walls ever since.