UNBLOCKED Expander • Amina AlTai
We know it can be difficult to find manifestation expanders out there when the topic is still somewhat "taboo." So we're sharing this series as a platform for UNBLOCKERS who have manifested their list to act as humility expanders for those of you who may be struggling in your manifestation process. It's not all rainbows and unicorns when you're in the midst of THE WORK, but we're hoping these stories and journeys with their ups and downs will inspire you to continue building your trust muscle and never stop asking for what you deserve.
We're constantly in awe of this Expander, Amina AlTai, who comes from a multicultural background as half Welsh and half Iraqi from the UK & USA, as she teaches her clients and readers how to nourish themselves, be fully authentic, and thrive in business all at the same time. You may recognize Amina from our CURER series on IG Story where she shared some insight into her coaching and the tools she uses to be magnetic every day. She's worked through deep-rooted blocks in self-worth and money to manifest her dream career. Now, this glowing expander uses the work she has done, shadow she has overcome and lessons she has learned through her UNBLOCKING journey to inspire her clients and readers alike to fulfill their biggest dreams and aspirations while maintaining a healthy, authentic lifestyle propelled by self-love and self-care.
Upbringing and background?
I’m half Welsh, Half Iraqi, was born in London and grew up in New Jersey. I had two loving but not very unblocked or expanded parents and when I first left the “nest” I had sooooo many shadows. Very early on, I took on the role of caretaker, parenting my parents and younger siblings. I had zero boundaries and put everyone before myself.
All of that manifested as a disembodied relationship with career and major illness—hello two autoimmune diseases! I worked in marketing, co-founded an agency and perpetuated this caretaker role. Even when I left my business to go in-house, I carried the same “issues” with me. Until I unblocked and expanded it was the same test all the time that I definitely wasn’t passing.
Describe where you were at in your life and worth when you first started this process?
Lacy and I recently laughed about this. When I first came to F&N and Lacy, I wanted to manifest buying a home—which was actually so far from what I wanted but was really a symptom of what was missing.
Deep down I didn’t feel rooted in my purpose. And because I didn’t feel rooted I was trying to “ground” by buying a home. I had so much unblocking to do to get to the root of what I really wanted to do and believe that I was worthy and valuable enough to do it. At the time, I had a terrible relationship with my work. I was so unhappy and triggered by almost everything.
What were the biggest blocks that you discovered?
So many self-worth blocks and money blocks. ALL THE BLOCKS! I didn’t really see these coming as I always thought I had good self-esteem and always got paid the salary I asked for. But my subconscious was kind of sneaky about it. Sure, I could ask for what I wanted to be paid, but I BELIEVED that if a client, company or whoever paid that, they essentially owned me—because deep down I didn’t feel worthy enough just by being. I felt I had to give EVERYTHING to be worthy. So I would work day and night, with no boundaries giving all of myself because I didn’t actually think I was worthy.
Biggest inner child wound?
Everything goes back to feeling unlovable for me. When I was 6 years old my older sister was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and it rocked our already fragile family system. At the same time, my parents had my little sister. Those two big life events were super hard for the family and my parents turned away to protect themselves and cope. In that moment I believed that in order to stay relevant, loved and alive, I needed to take care of everyone. If my parents were too depressed to take care of my sisters, I would do it. I did everything to stay lovable, valued and be seen. But, my parents could never see me and so all the doing in the world was never enough. And so began a lifetime of caretaking to feel loved and relevant.
Biggest shadow self?
Being a failure. As I mentioned before I was the family caretaker. And because I felt totally unloved, I started to eat fill the void that was eating away at me. So, as a child I became clinically obese. I was referred to as the “fat one” and because that meant, in my childhood brain, that I was the ugly one, I set my mind to overachieve in school in order to be seen. I did whatever it took to look smart and successful because those were the moments my parents cherished me. I would do anything to look like I wasn’t sucking. I put on the greatest performance of my life in my career to look like I wasn’t “failing” and it eventually lead to major disease and burnout. In my experience, we can’t deny a part of ourselves and expect to live well and whole.
Biggest setback along this process/ or most uncomfortable moments?
My biggest fears became reality when I jumped off the cliff before I was fully expanded and sat in the “magic dark” for a long long time. I quit my marketing job and tried to make my side hustle a reality, but because I still had worth and money blocks it took quite some time to actually call in the work I wanted to do. That was such a tough but beautiful time. I’ve never felt so low, but also never felt more like myself and grateful for the opportunity to reexamine my life and tap deeper into my authenticity.
What core wants were on your list for career, the space, team, press; etc?
My first list was totally ego-driven and it’s great to look back at it. The redrafted list focused much more on how I wanted to feel in career. What I wanted the people, spaces and clients to be like and what I wanted to be paid. In my initial list, I was being really prescriptive about exactly what type of work I wanted to manifest. When I recreated my list I kept it much more open and opened up a bunch of aligned portals for work to come through. And that’s when my list really started to manifest—when I actually trusted and didn’t try to control.
A sampling from my list:
White walls, green plants, high ceilings: feelings of space and nature.
Lots of light
AMAZING, INSPIRING, Kind hearted, authentic & JOYFUL PPL
Working for myself
Speaking/Presenting: sharing to a big group
Freedom to work anywhere
Time at home and out in the world.
How did each show-up/manifest?
I’m a healthy business coach and I teach emerging entrepreneurs how to create the great work of their life in a way that is sustainable for their bodies, their business and the world. And because this was the ultimate test and challenge of my life, I knew I needed to teach it. But I was so blocked around showing up for it. At first, I really dug my heels in and said I didn’t want to do one-on-one coaching because I’m intuitive and I was worried I wouldn’t be able to energetically protect my boundaries. But I realized that was deep fear and strong lessons around healthy boundaries and healing old wounds. As soon as I healed the wounds, I made space for the work to come through. And the work, the people and the conditions that showed up were exactly my list.
Who were your expanders and when/how did you realize that you were expanded enough?
Lacy is one of my biggest expanders. We have similar family upbringings and her story and life deeply resonated with my own—from work to family to health. In a session with Lacy I realized that I needed more expanders that looked like me because I was still carrying a limiting belief that “brown women” “half Iraqi women” and “women from war-torn countries” aren’t received the same way or have the same opportunities as others. So, Lacy invited me to find an expander that was all of those things. And so I searched high and low for a woman who was Iraqi or half Iraqi like me and was successful and had a great impact on the world. And though she’s passed on, Zaha Hadid is my expander. Not only was she Iraqi, but she was also educated in the U.K. like me, had my same middle name….and wait for it….the same birthday as me. My brain exploded and so did my limiting beliefs. I started to watch youtube interviews of her and it helped expand my beliefs even further. She was such a badass and lighted the way for so many, myself included.
I knew I was expanded enough when I not only felt ready to coach but when I felt ready to ask for my value in exchange for this work. A few people projected their own fears onto me telling me that I was charging too much but I felt so expanded, and I felt so deeply rooted and connected to what I have to teach and know more than anything that I can truly and deeply help the women who are stuck like I was. The moment I felt that I knew I was expanded.
We all know that once our manifestations show up it doesn't mean happily ever after, what are you continuing to learn from each, how are you growing, and what inner work has surfaced since?
Yes, this is a beautiful reminder that we are never done. But it’s not about being “done” it’s about continuing to evolve to our highest self. I kind of laugh now when my shadows and traits show up. Now that I’m playing bigger in my career, I still have to check myself around wanting to over-give and over-deliver. I’m doing more speaking and corporate and leadership coaching and if I assign a big price tag to something, I’ll still have moments where I question if I’m worth it. And then I just lean into what I’m really here to do, search for any blocks and continue to seek out the expanders.
What can we expect from you next, epic manifester?
Right now, I’m manifesting an awesome new Brooklyn apartment to rent and a magical intern. So, if you hear of either, let me know ; ) The apartment has required me to show my trust in the universe so I had to jump off the cliff and let go of my current place and trust that my list will come in. And I trust. Big time.