Are You Codependent? Find Out How it is Blocking Your Manifestations
Codependency affects many more of us than you may have imagined. But it’s not a life sentence, nor is it a permanent block when it comes to manifestation (in fact, there’s no such thing). There is no codependency quiz, and before you head down a never-ending rabbit hole of Google of asking “Am I codependent?”…take a deep breath. How to overcome codependency begins with first discovering if you truly are codependent, finding the root of why and unblocking to attain freedom.
I remember when I was first introduced to the idea of codependency. I had always prided myself on my independence, proud of how I could do things without anyone’s help, go places solo…etc. It wasn’t until I had an EMDR session with Janelle Nelson that she introduced me to the idea that I am codependent.
“It’s like a tennis match,” she described to me. “In a healthy relationship, one person hits the ball, the other hits it back. In a codependent relationship, one person hits the ball over and over again in hopes they will receive it back, yet do not.”
And that is so what a codependent does. They continue to give themselves over and over again without receiving anything in return. Yet the desire to give and please in order to be loved or seen is so deeply rooted, that the pattern becomes quite difficult to quit. It becomes so entangled in where we source our sense of self worth. The signs of codependency show up in many , if not all, of our relationships.
Codependency is a dysfunctional relationship pattern where partners develop a rescuer/victim dynamic. And the pattern is pervasive; once I started to recognize the signs, I could see it bleed into every aspect of my life and my self worth. From avoiding conflict with friends, to agreeing to things I truly did not want to do, to consistently choosing to honor my peers over myself.
Codependency can exist on a scale. In extreme cases, the rescuer assumes an exaggerated sense of responsibility on behalf of their partner. They may draw their identity from their partner, obsess over approval seeking, or lose track of personal boundaries and even sacrifice their personal needs to support the perceived desires of the partner. Are you in a codependent relationship?
Other signs of codependency include…
Relying on others approval for self worth
Feeling responsible for another’s thoughts, emotions, or actions
Struggling to define and maintain personal boundaries
Inability to say no
Fear of abandonment
Making excessive and non reciprocated sacrifices on behalf of the relationship
Feelings of inadequacy & low self worth
HOW CODEPENDENCY BLOCKS MANIFESTATION
Codependency is typically a symptom of dysfunctional family settings. If you’ve experienced feelings of abandonment, rejection, neglect, or any form of abuse, you are more likely to portray codependent personality traits. Take any hint of where you notice codependency tendencies within your everyday life through UNBLOCKED Inner Child to inquire deeper as to where and why they developed, and learn how to break them down to unblock.
When I learned my Authentic Code, I realized that almost all of my past motivations were fueled by approval seeking rather than my core essence. Codependent tendencies can always block your manifestations because you’re drawing your worth externally from the desire for validation. Pleasing others becomes how to increase self worth, or so you believe. For example:
i. Your partner, your boss, your mom owns your worth. When your ability to feel whole is dependent on external circumstances, you surrender the ownership of your self worth and magnetism. How to manifest your reality is tied to your partner.
ii. You choose relationships and circumstances that are below your worth. The trademark of codependent relationships is imbalance. By prioritizing another’s needs over your own, you communicate undeservingness to the Universe.
iii. You aren’t honest about your motivations. Rather than operating from your Authentic Code (which you can discover within UPLEVEL), you make fear based decisions to avoid abandonment, rejection, or responsibility.
What causes codependency? The root of codependency is the desire to be loved, seen and appreciated. It’s easy to find yourself seeking others’ validation, as I did (and truthfully still at times find myself doing) and many others do. But once you see the root desire, and take where you felt you lacked the feeling of being loved, seen, etc in your childhood through UNBLOCKED Inner Child, the Daily Reprogramming Exercise, and even Rut within UPLEVEL (along with any other manifest programme that aligns with where you sense lack and codependency), you can begin unpacking where you can strengthen your own self worth. Strengthening you self worth from within will build a foundation for you to realign with your authentic path and cultivate magnetism.
There are many resources out there to support your journey to shedding codependent tendencies, including CODA (Codependents Anonymous) and therapy methods that jive with you. Seek them out as needed.
Contributed by Ellie Benet • @elliebenet