This is where we manifest from.
That structure of belief created between the ages of 0-14 as a result of all the relationship modeling, media, peers, societal, and caretaker modeling we witnessed during those years. This is still what we are projecting and receiving back into our life.
LET’S GET REAL
Now, I want you to take a moment to do a writing exercise for me! In one page in your journal, I want you to write out the total and complete heart-centered relationship that you desire. Keep going until you feel clear. If you don't know what you want, just put down clues or preferences. Suggestions to get you started are below.
Describe your ideal partnership at length.
Where do you guys live?
What do you two do for fun, and what do you connect over?
How do you want to be treated?
What do the financials look like between you?
What is their career?
Their commitment level?
Do you want the full marriage and commitment?
What is the vibe of your lifestyle?
How is the sexual exchange?
What is their family like?
What are your goals and values together?
Did you have any expander relationships?
Did any unworthiness come up as to why YOU couldn't have the same relationship as your expanders?
Your subconscious must see to believe that such a relationship exists and that you are worthy of the same.
SEE TO BELIEVE • This is how you create space for your relationship to come through. Especially if you weren't raised with this type of relationship modeled before you.
Therefore, if your upbringing didn't have the relationship modeling you desire today, or if the modeling you grew up with represented shame, rejection, confinement, unhappiness, and pain surrounding commitment, you imprinted that you're inferior, that you're unworthy of it, or you've unconsciously rejected wanting any commitment because similar abandonment, unhappiness, or confinement would happen to you.
Our retina is the first processor of our brain; therefore, we learn and expand our subconscious through mirror neurons. When we witness someone similar to our background that has the relationship that we desire, our limbic brain begins to register that we can have the same (or that such exists and is possible). Especially so, the more we can relate to them and their prior circumstances. Therefore, it opens the door crack by crack, person by person, relationship by relationship.
These people are called your Expanders. However, if you are not expanding your limited subconscious structure of beliefs, there isn't space for your relationship to come through and nothing can show up. You must go out and find expanders.
If you're jaded from many toxic and failed relationships or dating experiences, it's important for you to go find a similar person to you (sex, vibe, success level, demeanor, similar background) who also went through the same things as you and materialized the healthy relationship they desired.
HOW DO I FIND EXPANDERS?
What inspires us about others is a mirror of our capacity and capability.
What inspires us about others is the mirror of our capacity and capability. When we become entranced by an actor in a movie or character in a book, or we obsess over a public figure, someone on social media, or someone that we admire in our daily lives, we are actually recognizing aspects of ourselves (denied or unmet) that have yet to integrate. They are inviting us to grow into this potential. We are witnessing our potential greater than where we currently are, and where we are capable of going.
Have you ever encountered a mentor – may it be IRL, on social media, or in the public’s eye – and you became so transcended by them? By the way they dress, carry themselves, live their lives, delegate business, admire their relationship, their respect for the world, the way they speak? Maybe you even have the same sex or opposite sex crush (both platonic and or sexual)? It’s as if they are so much like you or who you aspire to be? And then later down the road you notice in hindsight that you've acquired the same possessions that once inspired you about them, or that you have a partner that was just like them, or a job, lifestyle...etc? It's because they showed your subconscious that it was possible, therefore you created space to begin attracting those things.
Make sure that the eight people you surround yourself with already have the successful relationship or aspects of the relationship that you want. Why is it so important to be surrounded by what you want? It's because your brain will unconsciously register the specific approachable ways in which the people around you achieved what they have. Your brain will then believe that it’s possible for you (expanding the limited structure of beliefs through childhood to create space for your manifestations to land). Literally through seeing is believing.
This goes for social media, TV, books you’re reading, etc. Anything that is sinking into your subconscious has the potential to expand it. TV is an incredible place for expanders because you’re already in a hypnotic state while you're watching it; therefore, it’s sinking into your subconscious much quicker. Same with reading. Watch shows or documentaries with the people who already have relationship success that you want.
I always suggest finding at least three full packaged relationship expanders, and then pick up aspects of relationships from other expanders. The caveat is that you must truly identify with the same sex person in the relationship and feel equally as worthy of the fact that they were able to have this, then so can you. You'll know you've expanded when you have an "ah-ha" moment: "Ah-ha, they got this, and I'm just as worthy, I can have it too." It's not something that can be forced or faked. It happens very organically. The lower your self-worth, or the more shame and jadedness you've acquired, the more expanding/expanders you'll need!