I Let Go of Something Good for Something Better
(I'm not the best at writing) I don’t really know how to explain all of this. In a journal a year ago, when I was stuck at a dead end Wastewater treatment job in Indiana I wrote about wanting to be by the sea and mountains and have a place of origin I could bounce off of and travel from, to travel every three months and have the freedom to do so with full pockets.
It felt like a dream that was ridiculous but I wanted to ask for it anyways since it was just a journal (at this point I was aware of the secret and Tony Robbins morning rituals lol, doing my own free research of how to go about shifting your thoughts and feeling better). My manifestation started when that job fired me. I made a decision that week to move to San Francisco and find a job in tech and start my journey there. I had family and cousins near by and it was pulling for me. I now know that this was a ping and I followed it wholeheartedly albeit a little blindly. I let go of the fears and my mantra became “only good things lie ahead.” I slept on my friends couch for a month in San Francisco and my manifestation became find a typical “San Francisco tech job” with all the glitz people talked about and a place to live for $800 a month.
I went to so many interviews but I had absolute faith I would find a gig. Mostly I told myself that only good things would lie ahead, and I would visualize walking through the office and saying hello to the people I would work with, all the while feeling so grateful and as though I was there. While I practiced this on my walks I would say yes to everything I dreamed about asking for, if I didn't feel right about what I saw after saying yes I would alter my words until what I saw was clear and made me smile from within. I found a job within three weeks of being there, in downtown with all the glitz next to the salesforce tower. I also found a place to live for $800 in a nice little area of San Francisco, Bernal Heights, close to my cousin and best friend. Both of these were tests. I took the first offer that landed in my lap, but I'm so happy I got to experience that brief moment of what I saw as a Silicon Valley startup life. I found that after two months, I didn’t want the glitz that hid the grime, so I started dreaming of leaving that job for another and then finding another place to live, pockets full from the process. I also found that I needed more personal space and I needed comfort along with that $800 apt sticker price.
I was on a trip with my friend through the grand tetons where I knew I would have to go back and face my fears, I was scared of being complacent and not taking action like I did in Indiana and I wanted anything but that. When I got back, it wasn't even two days, the company was then purchased by another and they gave me a severance package of 10K after being there two months along with that paid vacation time (the same as those who had been there a year or more). I had worked in that office for a total of 6 weeks. I went back into taking my walks and visualizing while saying yes. My manifestation then transformed into ok let’s be more clear. I want another job, to overlap with my last paycheck, I want more money than I was receiving before and to sell a technology that had no competitors and a place that was unconventional from the typical SF hubub. I found that job within two weeks, was hired on the spot, for an AI technology that was one of its kind, paid more, and filled a gap no one else could. It was also run by Israeli’s who were far from the typical SF bosses/company culture. I also found another apartment, with very cool ladies, for $825 next to the golden gate bridge in San Francisco, closer to the sea, on a cliff. The thing is, this was also a test.
What happened was at month 6 in this job I had a night of absolute terror, I was so unhappy even though this was everything that I should want. I felt the ceiling above me caving in and I had a wild thought then, at 4am after hours of crying, to leave this 9-5 life of wanting a "career" I thought I needed to have to survive.. and to move to Barcelona where my father is from and where I have my family and dual citizenship. I told myself that this wonderful place, the best job I had ever had in life, would be the last 9-5 job I would ever hold. I wanted so badly to work for my own goals and let go of the corporate paycheck that jailed me and the money that no longer held any meaning. I realized that this was my crux, I didn't want the jobs period. I didn't want to work towards someone else's dream.
I then found Jim Carrey’s commencement speech where he asks the students to dream up a great life, and let go of how it will come to pass while working towards it. To have faith in yourself and not hope. It was a complete expander, he was absolute proof of asking the universe for what you want. I remember that car ride, where he's speaking and I take my turn onto the great highway watching the waves dig into the sand by the curve of the hill dipping down, it was surreal. It was as if he was talking directly to me and I thought wow, this is it, this is my permission.
I dug deep on my inner passions, really questioned myself, and ended up dreaming of making wild investments and telling these incredible stories of the hilarity of how they came about, full pockets beyond my belief, learning the stock market (I’ve been dabbling for a long time as a hobby because I love it), spending my days researching and reading and learning, and then teaching women that they can do the same without waiting for a man to hold the burden of how to finance their lives. That’s when I asked to be moved abroad, to travel and explore and to leave the 9-5 world I knew I didn’t belong to at heart.
When I looked at a one way ticket the next day, for a month out it, was $170. I bought it on the spot. I prepared that I would tell my job and then I would work towards what I wanted and let go of how it will come to pass. Honestly, my portal was open during this time of preparation for my jump. The universe was stockpiling money on me to make it happen. This is where it gets interesting. Well I told my job two weeks before I would leave... and that's when they presented me with the option to continue and work remote in Spain. What? haha.. only subconsciously, my ego and fears had dreamt this up. What if they keep you i thought, what if you took a job with you. You could pitch that security to your friends and family abroad. All. Ego. It would fund me a bit, I could hear everyone’s voice in my head, mostly my parents, ‘how could you even think about passing this up’. So I kept it, I failed the test, closed my portal and kept open the one I had been wanting to close in the first place.
A decision made of fear, masked as practicality. How do I know this? I’m in Spain, have been for three months and now I know I need to leave this job. I know the difference in the level of passion I feel for life compared to where I was before I dreamt up the possibility of staying on. I just found Lacy Phillips through my best friend, a week ago, she is actually my expander in this moment. I understand how I closed that daring portal to receive my paycheck from the universe only to keep this one open with a cap on how much I can make in life and where I can go with it. I was feeling it before she put words to it for me. I’m in the process now of taking the leap of faith to quit and start the journey I came here in the first place to do. It will happen this next month, as I can feel the pull for me to take action, and I don’t want to fail the test another time. Although there is no timeline for my dreams, all I know is that I need to let go of this job. The test now is being clear with what I want to manifest. I want to travel and live temporarily in places I’ve always dreamed of, I want full pockets and to always have enough to fund my next trip and places to stay with amounts pouring into excess from the universe, I want to have the stories to tell that I dreamt of telling people. What wild hilarious and profitable investments I have made, and I want to give back to my fellow femmes and empower them.
In a moment of paralyzation this past week, of absolute fear for this next jump my friend handed me Lacy and made me buy Opulence. How the hell do you let go of the best 9-5 job you've ever had for the unknown? If I'm honest I still haven't started Opulence, but, if I look back at my original journal entry at that awful dead end job I had been at for close to 5 years with an abusive boyfriend, it has been manifested. In one year, I grew my savings by 1,900% in the most expensive city in the states and I gave myself the freedom to start this wild ride of traveling and living in different places while reprogramming my understanding of a "paycheck" that could come from the universe as much as it can come from a corporation.
I'm in a moment where I have found an expander who puts words to what I have done for the past year so of course I would share my story for her. From a wastewater treatment job in Indiana to working remote for an AI San Francisco tech startup in Barcelona to… literally facing the next test at this moment.. I'm scared beyond belief and every day has been a struggle to shut down my ego but I can feel that I need to just jump.
