Finding My Voice & Manifesting A New Opportunity
Name: Natalia Ibárcena
Are you currently a Pathway Member?: Yes
What was on your manifestation list?: - A relationship with my forever partner with all the attributes I was looking for such as: honest, not a workaholic but driven, sexy, loyal, taller than me, etc.)
A great business idea that was creative, allowed passive income, helped others in some way, represented, and motivated me
A certain score on the exam I am preparing
New client jobs
My dream apartment
A substantial pay raise
What workshops did you use and what blocks did you discover during the DIs & workshops?: So far, I have gone through How to Manifest, Unblock Inner Child, and Unblock Shadow. The last two have made me understand me and how I function from I perspective I never saw possible. I rediscovered myself in a way I could not have predicted, and the chains started to break by confronting and looking at those fears, sadness, and anger right in the eye.
I realized that my anxiety around people and the way I tried to be the center of attention of every conversation was because, as a child, I was the calm one and so my sister, who was always crying and dramatic got all the attention, so I thought I didn't matter. I also realized that the feelings of "not being good enough" were due to my parent's divorce and my mom telling me, "Your dad doesn't love us anymore, so he is leaving us." Leaving me to feel utterly unloveable and unworthy. I found that my anxiety around money was because after the divorce, my father lost his company, and I needed to prove to the rest of my classmates that I was still the same, that I still had money, so they didn't look at me differently. So I became obsessed with having money and material and with the lack of it.
I realized that I didn't have any friends at school, not because they hated me, but because I was so afraid of being rejected that I isolated myself and rejected everyone around me out of insecurity and envy. I started to see that I was a people pleaser, avoided conflict, and agreed with everybody in a desperate attempt to not be abandoned again. I saw that for the first time in my previous relationship, how insecure I was, how I always said yes, and how I tried to avoid conflict or having a discussion with my boyfriend because I was terrified that he would not want me anymore if I was annoying.
I saw that I had developed shame in my profession (Graphic Design) because I thought everyone else viewed it as not good enough, and I started to feel ashamed about what I loved doing. To the point, I didn't want to put Graphic Designer on LinkedIn because it would make me look lesser than. I saw that I exhausted myself trying to be perfect, productive, the best, in order to fulfill those imaginary expectations I thought everyone had about be.
And so I started focusing on myself, on healing myself, on loving me, on accepting the light and the Shadow in me. And then came Shadow, and I cried, I laughed, I looked myself in the mirror, and for the first time, I confidently said that I was proud of me. I loved me in and out, I was not ashamed of what I wanted in life, and I didn't have to be perfect or fulfill any expectations. And the chains broke, and It was like I was breathing a new air.
What expanders did you find?: I found so many expanders in my close environment that I never realized I had. I saw so many people in my life being very successful professionals and economically working as designers. My expanders were people who used their creative skills to build empires as well as huge credibility. I found close friends who had beautiful relationships, lived in wonderful apartments, and were very successful in their careers. I also found that most of the people I enjoyed following on social media were expanders as well, and in a way, they were very successful doing their creative jobs!
What tests did you face? Which did you pass? Not pass?: I faced some tests regarding my craving for attention (masculine attention). I realized that even though I was not interested, I kept talking to certain guys just because they paid attention to me. A couple of them resurfaced, and, instead of giving in to the attention I ignored them and moved on, realizing they didn't bring anything positive into my life and me talking to them came from this Shadow. I rejected projects because the client was not willing to pay the full price I quoted, and instead of lowering my price, I maintained my standards, thus not being desperate to get any money I could. I confronted people on things I didn't like instead of avoiding conflict out of fear, and I started to say no to so many things.
Did you experience a magic dark period? If so, tell us about it.: Just before the manifestation happened, I experienced three weeks of complete silence; I even got an email asking to resend my application as they couldn't verify my identity!! But I kept believing I could do it, so I persevered!
How did your manifestation come through?: One of the items on my list was: "A great business idea that was creative, allowed passive income, helped others in some way, and represented and motivated me." While talking to a friend about our professional goals, I started to think about what I truly wanted to do. A couple things came to mind, and one of those was to make standard designs and sell them for a more affordable price, so people that could not afford it could purchase my products without having to ask for a custom project. I got a ping telling me to look into the creative market, turns out I already had an account because I had purchased from there a couple times and I had NEVER thought of selling there myself! Scrolling down, I saw a button that read, "Open your own shop," and so I sent in a request! Weeks passed, and I heard nothing but them asking me to resend the application as there were some issues validating my identity, so I did.
A couple of days ago, when I had almost forgotten I had sent my application and had not checked on it's status for some days, an email came through approving my request to open a shop in Creative Market! It's the first micro manifestation towards a bigger goal, but I am SO EXCITED for what's to come!
If you'd like, please include your IG handle:: @just_nata
What is your cultural upbringing and background?: I come from a mixed background of a Spanish mother and a Peruvian father. I was born and raised in Barcelona. My father was not really present throughout my childhood as he was working all the time. When I was 10, my parents got a very nasty divorce that was very detrimental in so many ways but ultimately allowed me to build the relationship I didn't have with my father.
