Discovering My Worth & Staying In Alignment
Are you currently a Pathway Member?: No
What was on your manifestation list?: I've been in a month-long job interview and offer process—great team, company, etc. I received the offer, which was weak in terms of the role, my experience, and then what's required to do the role well. I negotiated a very modest sign-on bonus, which took over 24 hours to approve. When they finally approved the sign-on late on a Friday afternoon, I said I'd need a weekend to reflect on the role and offer. I took the weekend and then Monday.
All my programming was telling me this is a good enough offer in a recession year, and I should take it to be safe. About a year ago, I made a commitment to myself to no longer make fear-based decisions. Although way out of my comfort zone, I decided to decline the offer. I thanked the team for consideration and said the offer was too low for me to accept based on my experience, the work required to do well in the role, and the value I'd bring. Although it felt a little crazy turning down the offer - it also felt empowering.
Like I literally felt more powerful internally. The day before I finally said no, I had received an email from someone looking for consulting work. I responded to that request and, within 24 hours, have a new consulting gig through the end of the year. The money I'll make consulting is beyond the base bonus, benefits, and stock offered in the previous offer that I turned down. Plus, I have more flexibility in consulting and remain my own boss.
What workshops did you use and what blocks did you discover during the DIs & workshops?: I kept things very simple. I've focused on Lacy's teachings on self-worth. Being still with myself over the past year and really asking myself the question of "what do you deserve, what is your worth?" has been a game-changer "aha" for me. Instead of focusing on self-esteem, I refocused on what I deserve. I've also followed the lessons of looking at my programming - before making a decision; I ask myself, "who is making this decision?".
Now, most of the time, it's me making the decision but, I didn't realize how often it was programming I'd been raised with. It's gotten much easier in that if I make a decision out of fear or the worry of losing something (scarcity!), I'm pretty sure it's not my decision, so I'll sit with it, do some deep breathing, go for a long walk, or just sit in stillness to get grounded and connected to my highest self.
What expanders did you find?: Lacy is an expander and continues to be. Being okay with wanting financial abundance for freedom of choice and having options has created more space in my life. Having choices and options makes my life larger and more expansive. Having money to provide the freedom of choice is major for me.
What tests did you face? Which did you pass? Not pass?: Scarcity - take the offer because it was a pretty good offer. I passed because although it was a good offer, it did not reflect the value and experience I possess at this point in my working life. I would have been settling. When the choice becomes challenging, I say to myself, "I am deserving of...." and fill in the end. In this case, it was "I am deserving of not having to settle for less than my worth."
Did you experience a magic dark period? If so, tell us about it.: Not in this instance, thankfully.
How did your manifestation come through?: Immediately a new job opportunity came through, which was even better. Not just more money but more flexibility in that it was a consulting opportunity that allows me to just do "the work" vs. being a full-time employee with corporate politics. I get to work yet stay a little detached, which frees up some mental and emotional energy in a year that I need to be discerning in terms of energy management.
What is your cultural upbringing and background?: White working lower/middle class. Parents raised by parents who had experienced the depression, so there is generational scarcity. I also raised catholic (with guilt), which deeply (I can't emphasize this enough) impacted my self-worth from a young age.
