Discovering My Shadow Related To Love
Name: Kathryn Duncan
Where do you reside?: Santa Barbara
What is your cultural upbringing and background?: Raised in Dallas, TX, in a conservative and homogenous neighborhood.
Are you currently a Pathway Member?: Yes
What was on your manifestation list?: A man! I was looking for a long-term relationship. I've been in 17 relationships and have been on hundreds of first dates. After a surprising breakup earlier this year and six months free of dating, I was really ready to "settle down" with a person for the long run. My manifestation list was 40 points long - it included liking cats, wanting to adopt kids, caring about the environment, no heavy drug or alcohol use, being able to speak about his feelings, seeing marriage as a lifelong commitment, living near me, and obviously lots more.
What workshops did you use and what blocks did you discover during the DIs & workshops?: I started with the prescribed Unblocked Inner Child and Unblocked Shadow workshops. I also went through Unblocked Love and Unblocked Money. I was surprised to discover some of my shadow words - "whore" and "mean" specifically. Sex was looked down upon for women where I grew up, and I finally came to terms with some times that I had been taken advantage of sexually as an adult. I also grew up with a mom who was always telling me (and still does) that I was mean. That word had worked its way deep down where I overcorrected and felt like I couldn't say no to people or stand up for myself. Those finally came up for me to be addressed.
I had also gone through a relationship about seven years ago that really rocked me to my core when it ended. I did some DIs around it to clarify why I still felt like I ruined things and how that experience had made me put up walls where I felt I always had to have someone on the back burner as a backup to a relationship and couldn't fully commit.
I also realized how important security and safety are to me when looking for a partner.
What expanders did you find?: I looked all around - I grew up with lots of divorce around me, but luckily I have some great friends that have successful relationships. I also kept an eye on anytime I felt attracted to someone who was in a relationship - paid attention to what their relationship looked like and how they had gotten together. More well-known couples were YouTubers Safiya Nygard and her husband Tyler, who have a very supportive and goofy relationship. Jim and Pam from The Office in that a woman who is pretty timid but has a silly side could be so loved and adored. Katelyn and Evan - another YouTube couple who work together on their channel - I was looking for someone handy and still silly and loved cats - they do all three together!
What tests did you face? Which did you pass? Not pass?: I went out with one man who at first didn't seem that interested in getting to know me but was attracted to me. I gave him a second chance, and some deal breakers came up (allergic to cats when I have two, self-admitted temper). I told him that he wasn't what I was looking for, although I was attracted to him and he did have other good qualities. He kept pursuing me consistently. On a phone call with him to once again reject him, he somehow talked me into going out with him again when I really did not want to. I realized it the next day and canceled.
Very soon after that, I met my partner. A test post-meeting my partner was an attraction to a coworker. It wasn't the first time that something like this had come up for me in the past, and cheating is also in my dating history, which I was really trying to move on from. A coworker was being flirtatious with me, and I was tempted to try and address or define our relationship. At some point, it clicked that this was a test because similar situations had happened in the past of the temptation to cheat. Once realizing it was a test, the attraction faded, and things with my partner just kept getting better.
Did you experience a magic dark period? If so, tell us about it.: No magic dark for me.
How did your manifestation come through?: I met my partner through a dating app, Hinge. After doing Unblocked Money, I decided to upgrade my dating app so that I had more control of who I could message and look at all options at once. I honestly don't even remember messaging my partner, but I was attracted to the fact that he wanted kids and liked dad jokes. I asked him what his favorite dad joke was. He asked me out pretty quickly, and we met up maybe a week after matching. I was actually really on the fence after our first date - I thought he was warm but couldn't tell if he was into me.
He messaged me the next day to get my number and hang out again. After our second date, I was still seeing other people and not totally sold, but we got to talk about our families and some deep topics. I felt really comfortable around him, but it wasn't that huge romantic spark that movies sell you on, or I'd experienced in the past. Lacey warns about "twin flames" in the program, and it helped me give him more time by realizing that's not necessarily a good thing for a lasting relationship. Our third date was after some of the tests had cleared and was when I really was sold on him. He demonstrated that he was handy, considerate, minimalist, well-read, and managed finances well (all things on my list!)
Since then, he's checked off more things on the list, and they've all come up without me prodding them - whenever I've been nervous, he might not meet some criteria on the list, magically he'll just happen to mention it (and I swear he didn't read my journal).
How long did it take for your manifestation to come through after crafting your initial list?: Two months
How frequently were you using the workshops and DI's when you noticed the biggest shift surrounding your manifestation?: 3x times a week
How do you incorporate this work into your life on a daily basis? Any tips, tricks or recommendations for getting the most out of it, or personalizing it?: My dating profile - I had always set up dating profiles as very light-hearted and not addressing what I was looking for because it felt too needy or heavy. After the Unblocked Love workshop, I added, "In it for the long run with the right person." That line is actually what attracted my partner to respond to my message. Seeing failed dates as "tests" really helped me clarify what I wanted and not feel like I had somehow failed or missed signs. Knowing about tests let me feel like those red flags were coming up for a reason and helped cut down the indecision and put my time into the relationships I wanted to cultivate.
Is there anything else you think we should know? If you made this process your own in any way, this is the perfect spot to share that.: Thank you for making this program! I can't stop telling people about the magic of it and sharing it with friends. I think this, combined with therapy, really helped open my eyes to negative patterns and limiting beliefs I had placed on myself when dating
