Following Major Pings & Manifesting My Whole List
Name: Mariel Rotherham
Where do you reside?: UK
What is your cultural upbringing and background?: I was born and raised on the West Coast of Canada to parents raised in the East of Canada (mum was born in England and moved to States/ Canada with her family at age 9, Dad was born and raised in Quebec to a Canadian mother and an English father.)
Are you currently a Pathway Member?: Yes
What was on your manifestation list?:
- To sell my condo in Victoria, BC, for near asking price (I wanted to get out of debt, pay my parents back, cover my realtor fees, and still come out with a decent sum of Money)
- Partnership
- Aligned work at a job I was getting paid higher than minimum wage or higher than $15/ hr, which at the time I felt wasn't possible for me
- An inspiring summer rental
- A move to the UK
- Selling my car for $3500
- Opening a cafe
- Bridge home for under market value. I wanted lots of natural light, english cottage charm, a garden, second bedroom for visitors, studio space
What workshops did you use and what blocks did you discover during the DIs & workshops?: All of them. Literally every workshop, I did Unblocked Inner Child twice, Unlocked Shadow three times, Unblocked Love twice, Unblocked Money twice, Boundaries, Up-level, Daily Practice every day. I listened to basically every podcast episode from the start. I found other podcasts with people that resonated with me, and I did it all. I had major lack issues. Both with Self, as well as monetary. "Not enough" was a VERY common theme. "I am not enough," "I never have enough," "not enough money."
I grew up with an extremely emotionally abusive stepmother so I figured most of my self-worth issues came from her. What I quickly learned in the Reparent workshop was that most of my issues came from my dad never sticking up for us. What I realized was that I always knew her mistreatment was wrong, but the fact that my dad just sat there and let it happen became internalized as "Well, I guess if he's not stopping it, then I guess I do deserve this." My dad passed away when I was 18, so this became so challenging building this newfound resentment against this person I had been holding on this golden pedestal. I actually had to stop doing the work for about three months because I was too angry and upset. A friend convinced me to keep going, and that night, the DI that would have come right after I stopped, was a huge turning point in finding release and forgiveness.
Another block with lack was Money. My dad had very traditional views of "my girls will go to university" and get a 9-5 and work until we died. This never resonated with me. I remember him lecturing me about this in the car when I was about ten years old and finally screaming, "I'd rather be living in my car and be happy than go to school and work a job that I hate!" Looking at it now, I can't help but think, "DAMN! That kid really knew who she was". But she was never supported. That was never encouraged. I was wrong. I was told there was no other way to succeed.
Something that's also been SO prominent was that I used to love singing (I guess I still do, but I no longer wish to be a superstar :') ), and one day he said to me, "Mariel, there are a lot of pretty girls out there that can carry a tune." This destroyed me. I know he was trying to protect me and just wanted me to be successful in life. He was SO loving and was my biggest fan in so many ways, but that one sentence stuck with me in everything that I did. This idea that every creative market was too oversaturated, I would never be enough to be noticed, seen, or successful.
What expanders did you find?: There were a few people on the podcast that really stood out to me, a few people in the area I was living in at the time, but no one that I really clung to. I think it was more fleeting thoughts like "Ok, noted, it's possible," almost like quick snippets of "seeing to believe." Like... Noted, moving on.
What tests did you face? Which did you pass? Not pass?: With work, I was probably sent out about 20 CVs. I didn't really have this full idea of what type of job. I just wanted something in a creative space, something where I was surrounded by supportive people who become friends, and I wanted to be super radical and ask the universe for $20/hr. This was something I did NOT think was possible. I got a reply from a local clothing company that was looking for sewers. I went in for my interview, which was not a conversation; instead, I was just sat at a machine and told to sew a garment together that they'd already cut the pieces from.
I knocked it out of the park. The woman even showed my piece to the Boss when he walked in. I received an email later that day that they would love to have me on and start me at $15/ hr. I responded by thanking them and asking if there would be room to revise this pay after a short period of time, and I was informed that there was no room for raising the wage for this position. I actually had to go to a friend who was also a member of the course because I was SO strapped for cash. I knew my parents would be like, "What is wrong with you? Do you need a job?!" But we both knew it was a shiny carrot. I turned the job down.
For the condo, I had someone come in the day it went to market with an offer laughably lower than the asking price. We countered, and the buyer's realtor came back and said, "We both know that condo isn't worth a dime more than that." to which I started to panic because that's my sweet spot. Feeling like I'm asking too much, punching above my weight.
A second offer came in after a period of Magic Dark, and it was still lower than I had wished. My realtor said, "this is as low as she's willing to go. She's a first-time buyer, and this was her maximum budget. This is our only potential buyer right now." I stuck with my gut and still said no.
I had listed my car for $3900, hoping to sell it for $3500. The first man that came to look at it offered me $1500 and said it wasn't worth a dime more (lol- I know). I drove to the oil change, where a young kid had shown interest in it two months prior. I gave him my number, and he texted me, saying he could only afford $1500 for something like that. I was dying. Was I punching? Was I totally out of depth with the worth of it??
Did you experience a magic dark period? If so, tell us about it.: There were crickets for weeks which was so long for the market at the time, and I was starting to get really upset. My mortgage payment was about to bounce, I had overdue unpaid invoices that were the difference between my payment bouncing or not, I had an industrial sewing machine listed for sale for $1100 with only one bite and then a ghost, and I had this condo which the sale would answer all my financial problems and would be the key to me moving away. Without the sale, I would be stuck in Canada, unable to move on.
How did your manifestation come through?: The day I said no to the sewing job, a friend of mine forwarded me a link to a super cool local flower shop that was hiring. I know nothing about plants or flowers, but I figured, 'fuck it,' they wanted a merchandiser. I knew about aesthetics, and how hard it could be. The contract was only for holiday staff, but I had this funny feeling like maybe it could extend longer. I applied anyway. I was asked for an interview where I got on really well with the owner. I was then asked to come back for a two-hour trial shift. I went in, picked the job up quickly, and got on with it. (At this point in my journey, I was trying to overcome my fear of asking for help. During this shift, I forced myself to ask questions, which felt deeply uncomfortable as I already felt out of my depth, and that kind of "social" situation makes me feel incredibly uneasy.)
At this point, I also had no idea what the pay was, but I was just going to get through the shift and play it from there. When it ended, my Boss came over and said, "Thank you so much, you did amazing, and we're so excited to have you on. If you want to work with us, I'll have Jess email you, and you guys can work out a schedule." She then opened the till and handed me $40 cash for my 2-hour trial. While there were many ways this job in itself was a test, It was a HUGE expander for me and one I will always cherish. This job did also end up asking me to stay on as a full-time copy-writer, something I NEVER thought I could be paid to do.
After the Magic Dark with the condo, I was texting my friend saying something along the lines of "I'm always so close to having things come through and then they always fall through at the last minute or people continue to let me down." and responded with "THAT. Right there. That is lacking." and sent me photos of a chapter in a book all about the energetics of Money, a concept I hadn't yet been fully able to understand. I decided to walk down to the ocean, sit in the sun, and journal. I wrote about how much I loved my condo. I realized that I'd been looking at it as this dead weight that was the thing stopping me from obtaining my freedom. I wrote about the safety it brought me. The lessons. It was the missing piece to my puzzle at one point in time, and now I had outgrown it and was ready to move on.
I was ready for it to become someone else's missing piece. If it had been perfect for me, it would be perfect for someone else. I basically skipped back to my condo. I felt so much lighter. I felt GRATEFUL. When I walked back in the door, I had a text from my realtor that an offer was going to be put in that night, and she was pretty sure it would be a good one.
She came over that evening, and it was about $10,000 lower than I had hoped for. I was so torn. I knew it was still good, but it was still so much lower than asking, and it wasn't my magic number. I turned it down. This was when my realtor tried to convince me to accept. But I told her I couldn't do it and she left. I was disappointed but felt really good about my decision.
30 seconds later, she knocked on my door. The buyer wanted it so badly that she came up with $9,000. I could not help but laugh. I was torn, as it was still under my magic number, and then I stopped myself. This was $1000 I was stressing over. When I was about to come into a very large sum. I had been where that person was. I knew she was about to hand over every penny that she had, and that was scary. I decided to give her that $1000 and feel good knowing that it would come back to me in another way.
With the car... I went to bed after the second $1500 offer and thought about the worth of things. I thought if I was open and honest about what the car needed, the worth was relative. Something that is a scrap to someone is a treasure to someone else. I had a girl come to look at the car the next day. I told her it would need maintenance. I told her the timing belt was due to be done. I told her because of her age, they need some money thrown at them. She took it for a test drive. I showed her the extra set of winter tires I had. She told me it was everything they were looking for in their lifestyle, and she offered me $3600, which I gladly accepted.
The inspiring summer home came up so randomly.... My friends and I ended up finding a house right on a hidden lake, in its own microclimate, so there were lizards, butterflies, fish, hidden deep off a main road just outside of the city. It had an enormous overgrown garden, constantly blooming and changing with apple and pear trees in abundance. I went to see it quickly when we found it and then heard nothing for nearly a week. I followed up with a voicemail and a text but had heard crickets. My mum kept hounding me to call again, but I just kept saying, "If it's meant to be ours, it will." I stayed in trust. And finally, I got a call that it was ours if we wanted it, and it was the most rejuvenating, healing summer I think I've ever had.
With the move to the UK, I just kept repeating to myself, "If it's meant to be easy, it will." and it was. Everything flowed. I applied for my passport through my mum, and the day I paid for the application, I got an order for two hats I was selling. I charged her the price in USD, and when I did the conversion to GBP, it was the exact amount to the penny as what the passport had just cost me. I was meant to fly out on November 10th, and I was getting a crazy strong ping to change my flight to the end of October. I had paid extra to be able to change the date, but when I was trying to do it online, I realized this only covered the change fee and was still going to cost me over $300.
I got another ping to call the airline. I couldn't decide between two dates, but I followed my intuition to pick October 18th instead of the 24th. He put it through and said, "Ok, that will be $10.50- sound good?" I literally could not believe it. A week later, the Canadian Government changed travel restrictions stating that any unvaccinated citizens were no longer allowed airplanes as of October 20th. Had I not followed that Ping, I would have been stuck in Canada for one extra year as they have only just lifted the restrictions this month.
When I got to the UK, my partner and I were living in the attic of his brother and sister-in-law's house. It was just a room with a ladder. I might add, not a self-contained suite. I had a very specific list. I was thinking about buying. I was thinking about the "dream home," the "forever home," when I realized... Why did it need to be the dream home? Why couldn't it be the "for now" home? I could loosen my expectations for this magic place and allow something that was still "magic for now" magic for what we could currently afford.
Everything in the town we are living in is a minimum of 850 GBP for a place on your own. Something like I wanted on the list does not exist. We were working on opening a cafe, so I didn't have any income, so as far as estate agents went, we were not it. I was laughed at when I made calls on our behalf. I remembered our summer home. Our landlady didn't ask for any proof that we could afford to live there. She just met me and liked me and that was it. I was my own expander. These things did exist.
We heard this house was coming up for rent. It was in the family, which I had written in my journal a few months prior ("Maybe it's not from an estate agent, maybe something in the family will come up").
They were currently renting it for 600 GBP, but the current tenants had been in there for five years and this was completely out of date for the market now. Something like this would be about 1200 GBP. We knew they wanted to raise it in price, but we weren't sure how much. I journaled that day that if it was meant to be ours, it would be easy. I had a budget of 650 GBP, and if he wanted to go about 700GBP then it just meant this house was not meant to be ours. That night we got a call that he would be raising the rent to 650 GBP. How did that sound to us?
Also, my partner!! This story is my favorite, but I might put it into its own category as it's just the longest story ever. But that was a lot of unblocking, realizing I was living my life for everyone else around me instead of for myself. So I put things to bed with him once and for all (we met on holiday and have had terrible luck with visas and pandemics keeping us apart for the past four years) and started making every decision based on what I wanted. The second I did this was when everything else started to fall into place. I left my job at the flower shop, which was no longer serving me.
I put my condo up for sale, I found work teaching sewing at a private high school and was paid $50/hr (!!!) to do so, I had freelance work as a social media manager, I had a shop I love send me lots of gifts for making videos of my daily outfit walk-bys that I'd started doing over the pandemic, It was a very magnetic time in my life!! Once all of this started to fall into place, I was getting major pings to reach back out to him. I ended up having a tarot reading hoping that she would tell me to put it to bed but it was really the opposite. This was someone I'd trusted, and I could tell through the rest of the reading she was really clued and picked up on everything else in my life, so it felt safe to get a true reading when I asked that question. Anyway- long story short, we reconnected, and it's been the most beautiful homecoming I've ever experienced.
How long did it take for your manifestation to come through after crafting your initial list?: Oh gosh, I don't even know. The list was never ending and ever-evolving. But I guess over the course of 2 years, things really started coming through. There are SO many other things to tell but just not enough time or space.
How frequently were you using the workshops and DI's when you noticed the biggest shift surrounding your manifestation?: Every day! Even if I was playing the DIs when I was going to sleep, I told myself that I was still internalizing them in my sleep.
How do you incorporate this work into your life on a daily basis? Any tips, tricks or recommendations for getting the most out of it, or personalizing it?: The DIs really helped me fall asleep. I would also do them after a workout. I would lie on an acupressure mat post-workout and put on a DI. So kind of incorporating them into a time that was already set aside for self-care definitely helped. Also, the journalling was huge. Or if I was in a place where I couldn't connect to wifi, I would talk to myself through a DI. I'd reached a point where I could basically reiterate the entire intro in my head to help me drop in, and then I would bring up memories and give myself healing.
If you'd like, please include your IG handle:: @marielaileen
WORKSHOPS
Shadow / Inner Child / Love / Money / Uplevel / Boundaries / Daily Practice
