TRUST & WORTH
February is still deep winter and a month to reflect and connect with yourself. This February, we are covering the true energetics behind love: self-love, showing up to love others, and attracting the love on our list. I have this weird gift where I understand the energetics behind that token old manifestation word "vibration". When I'm working with people, I'm trying to distill the word down into the physical and tangible so that it isn't abstract, and so that it's something we can actionably put into motion.
Therefore, the energetics behind the love that I'm talking about are two things: trust and worth. Trusting that we can receive what we are worth. Furthermore, whether we are strengthening the love for ourselves, calling it in from another, or holding space for those that we have, what we're really in need of is a deep sense that our authentic self is worthy of receiving. For once we can receive exactly what we want fully, we can trust and give it fully. See the energetic cycle there? However, not much in our society nurtures us or teaches us that our authentic self is fully and totally worthy of receiving for who we authentically are. Quite the opposite in fact.
Do me a silent favor right now. I want you to close your eyes and feel into something that has been coming up in your life that doesn't feel good. Maybe it causes you pain, causes you to feel small about yourself, or triggers you.
Now that you have it, I want you to imagine your most perfect soothing person. This person can be made up. It can even be a more evolved version of you. A person that accepts your most shameful and ugly bits. I want you to imagine them holding you and comforting you as you feel the feelings of this hardship in your life. Taking all the time you need to grieve, complain, release - as they just comfort, hug, and give you what you need to experience this.
Once you're done, I want you to gauge if it was easy for you to receive this person totally holding space for you (even if just imagined)? I also want you to gauge if you felt that you are worth this type of deep support? And please feel free to use this tool whenever you need. It's incredibly therapeutic.
How worthy do you feel about receiving for your most authentic self in any facet of life?
Also, join our SECRET SOCIETY MANIFESTATION FACEBOOK GROUP for more of this type of deeper conversation.
Here's where Amanda, Lila, and I are at when it comes to relationships, worth, and authenticity!
Oh, love! You old friend. You were once my nemesis and then you turned into my biggest teacher. You still are. When it comes to partnership love, with my worth and authenticness, I'm at this really magical crossroads. It's so funny because in my last relationship I was never asked for my hand in marriage. And as soon as I was in this partnership, my Aquarius/Aries was like, 'oh, I think I just wanted to be asked.' I actually like the thought of not getting married and being fiances for life. Everyone tells me that a child will change this, and it just might. But at this moment in time, I'm grounding waaaayyyyyy deeper into my authenticness this year, and in this very moment, I love the thought that we are in this co-committed relationship, showing up every day because we want to. Not because we have to. And that's so beautiful and freeing. It was actually this post here that gave me the deeper expanding I needed to know that this is OK. To break out of old molds that might not be right for me. And I love knowing that tomorrow I could wake up and want the whole big thing. Puffy train dress and all. Who knows? But what I do know is that it will come from my soul (my authentic self) if I decide to. Not because I feel I have to. Or because we should be on the same insurance, or because of finances or blah blah blah blah. And stepping deeper into that worth feels fucking amazing!
I've always been in relationships. Moving from one to the next as I'm barely emotionally recovering from the last. This past November, just a few short weeks before turning 29, something changed inside of me. Maybe it was the fact that the relationship was naturally coming to an end or maybe it was the fact that I always thought I would have found my forever partner by the age of 30. Either way, whatever it was, something changed inside of me and I had to let the relationship go. The really confusing part of the breakup was that the relationship wasn't bad - it just wasn't incredible. And the moment I realized that everything in me pushed me to end it. Not because I wanted someone else. Not because I didn't like him. But, because I was tired of settling for less than everything. These past couples of months, I've been giving myself all the energy that I usually give to my partners. I am creating a foundation in my life, with family, with friends, with myself. I'm consciously single until I find someone I'm absolutely crazy about and until then, I'll be right here practicing trusting and finding worth inside of myself so that I am whole, healthy and happy outside of a relationship and outside of anyone else. Whole.
I don't know how, but every single relationship I have ever had in my 24 years of life has been long-distance. From a 4-hour drive, to a 6-hour flight, I've somehow found a way to keep a barrier between me and my significant other. "Isn't that just so hard?" I hear often, "Doesn't that just suck?" Although long-distance relationships have their pitfalls, and the month or so between visits with my current S/O can at times feel lonely, I've found solace and comfort in the miles of space. They've given me the challenge of learning trust, how to communicate emotions and thoughts, which distance keeps from being expressed through physical touch or face-to-face conversation. I've seen a lot of my peers, at this age of self-discovery and exploration, be swallowed up into co-dependent relationships. This scares me. I've learned that I have to be my own priority, I have to learn who I am and find worth within myself to truly grow into my authentic self before I can commit to sharing my life with someone. Yes, long-distance relationships are hard and yes, they do just suck, but giving myself the space I need in this time of growth, while learning how to love and be loved has been worth the occasional heartache. When I can trust entirely in my worth and feel truly authentic in my being, I know those barriers of time and space will dissipate.