A Christmas Present Sparked The Journey Of Finding Myself
Name: Jennifer Vasquez
Are you currently a Pathway Member?: Yes
What was on your manifestation list?: Manifestation Story (TBM)
On an amazing sunny San Diego Christmas morning, I was sitting on our couch in front of our Christmas tree. I was 36 years old at the time, married with two children, and having a wonderful Christmas morning. I thought, what could be better than this? I opened a beautifully gift wrapped gift from my husband. It was a book called 100 Days of Happiness. At the beginning of the book, there are several pages that ask in-depth questions about what you like, dislike, and where you see yourself in 5 and 10 years.
I was astonished at how hard these questions were for me to answer. Suddenly, a little bit of awareness began. I realized I did not really understand what I truly liked and who I really was. My lines were blurred with other people's likes. I needed to come back home to my true self. So, I knew I needed to work on that and also what I wanted out of life. What was my true purpose? The book helped me figure out at least what I liked and didn't like.... which was a start. However, it really didn't help me figure out what I truly saw myself doing in the future. I realized I had a lot of work ahead of me.
Fast forward a year when I first discovered TBM. My kiddos were 6 and 4 years old. We had just made a huge leap of faith and moved to an area within San Diego called Coronado. It was a dream of ours to live there since we were 18. We had been renovating a beautiful house my husband grew up in. I spent five years on the project and still had a lot more to do. It was turning out beautiful however, we realized it just didn't feel right. It almost felt as if we were living a beautiful dream but not OUR dream. It was someone else's. We sold the house my husband grew up in, and we had renovated to pay off my husband's student loans and rent in Coronado.
Coronado is a beach town within San Diego. It had the lifestyle we had always dreamt of but never thought we could afford. It has a small-town feel in a large city. Of course, most of our family thought we were completely insane and did not understand the quick decisions we were making. My parents, we very upset and distanced themselves from me because of the move. My father had helped us fix up the house and had his feeling on why we should not move. We were so excited to live our dream out, but my heartbreak from the family divide weighed on me, but I still knew Coronado was where we should be.
Before moving, we were making pretty good money but weirdly living paycheck to paycheck. Paying student loans and private school tuition for the kids was draining our income. I can remember one evening looking at my husband and saying we have worked too hard to live like this. We were for sure, living in a lack mentality. We just felt this pull to change our direction in life and take a leap of faith. With many not understanding our move, we knew we had each other and did our damn thing. We decided to sell the house on Sunday.
Had pictures taken of the house on Wednesday. Put the house up for sale on Thursday. I had an open house on Saturday and accepted an offer by the following Sunday. So within a week, we said, love you so much house and love what you brought to us, but we are moving on and ready for more. We only had a couple of weeks to find a house, get rid of most of our stuff, and move. YIKES! We found this adorable beach cottage almost waiting for us. It worked in our favor that the homeowners only posted the house for rent in the local newspaper.
It was a 1,000 square foot beach cottage where our previous home was 2,400 square feet and had a good size yard. We moved in, and the next week the kids started school. Shortly after the move, my best friend from New York told me about TBM. I have grown up with her, and she thought it could help with my major heartbreak from not having my family's support with the move. I jumped right into Unblocked Inner Child, and wow… where that has taken me. It took me some time to become a member of The Pathway because I had lack mentality and the thought of spending that money each month (which was nothing) on myself was too scary. Once I became a member of the Pathway, a huge shift happened.
First on my manifestation list was finding out who I am. I had lost myself in the autopilot of being a mom and wife. I was working as a barre instructor at the time, which is a whole other story... I remember I kept saying I don't want to be on autopilot anymore! I didn't know much of what I wanted, but I at least knew this... I knew that being a barre instructor at my studio was no longer the right fit for me. I knew I wanted to be a present mother, and I felt like I was so good at being a mom.
It was truly my home. However, my boundaries were blurred with my parents and with my kids. I gave so much of myself and had so much empathy. I would also hurt for my kids. I gave too much to others and did not have enough boundaries. I would go out of my way to give all of myself. If others were proud or happy with me, then I was happy with myself. I needed to form more self-love and confidence. I have such an amazing husband, and he has always seen me for who I was, but for some reason, I couldn't see that person.
I remember I kept getting a ping to study Chakras. I had no clue what they were, so I read a little here and there but nothing major. I kept having fitness career tests come through. I would be asked to teach a class for a gym, and I would do it and have fun, but I was listening to how my body reacted to teaching again. The reaction was not healthy. I would get anxious and almost stress about it. I knew fitness was not for me and the direction I needed to keep going in. Fitness will always play a part in my lifestyle but not as a career. I kept getting tested and tested over and over with it.
Once I figured out who I was, I realized how much I needed to tap into my intuition. I used my intuition to guide me with everything. I kept getting a ping to write a list of what I wanted. I quit my job as a barre instructor because I realized it was not serving me. It was just feeding my ego rather than filling me up. The Universe literally pushed me out of a job by getting a new owner. Once I quit, I had a hard time not working. I felt like I did not deserve to just be a mom. My husband made me promise him I would not take a job until I took time off for myself and really found my way instead of jumping at the first thing.
Back to the list... The list said to be the best grandmother anyone could ever have. The kind of grandma that the kids come to for wisdom and love. To have a career that let me be present at home with the kids, to be present with my husband and myself. To be able to take my kids to school, pick them up, and take them to sports practices. To support my loving nature. I like to flutter around, and when I want to be creative, I need that time... so a life with flexibility. I needed a life where I was not tied to a certain place, and I could do it anywhere. Something that I could take time off when needed. Something filed with love and compassion and could do part-time.
At the same time, my husband was also getting tested with work. We both were so focused on listening to our body's physical reactions to offers and new opportunities. As he took on a new position with a new company (his ultimate dream job) I was going through a magic dark. Plugging away and trying to figure it all out, I felt a little frustrated. Once I was able to surrender, I then got a ping to listen to a The Process episode with Lara Elliot, a Reiki Master. I listened to the episode on a Tuesday and thought I literally feel like I am being pushed towards her. It was more than an expander. I looked up her website and realized she had training that weekend.
Of course, it was full. This is out of character, but I emailed her at 9:00pm and just said heard you on Lacy's podcast, and something is telling me I should email you and see if you have a random open spot in your Reiki Level 1 training in 4 days. She emailed back right away and said someone that was flying in from out of the country could not come anymore, and there just happened to be a spot open. Without much thought, I booked it, and the rest is history. It was everything I wanted for myself: how I wanted to live my life, the community, and flexibility. I have since gone to the Reiki 2 training and hope to attend the Masters training next year. I can really feel myself feeling heard, loved, and appreciated by myself.
I continued to find expanders. Of course, Lara was at the top of my list and a few others that I knew or followed on Instagram. Not too many famous people, if any, accept for Lacy Phillips, of course. I usually find fraction expanders and piece them together. I continue to do each workshop, and overtime, when I do one; I find new and deeper realizations. But I do find that I am able to recover from the deep hangover after doing a workshop now. I am able to navigate them better and not slip into a bit of depression during a workshop.
I ended up writing a "Who I am and What I do" report. This walks through my authentic self, what I have discovered about my shadows, my blocks, and my heart. This has helped me stay focused on what I have accomplished and what I am truly trying to answer or figure out for myself. I know this work will always be a part of my life. The deeper I go, the more I discover.
I have had many mini manifestations come through these past two years while being apart of TBM. Right now, I am manifesting some larger ones. To buy a home in Coronado, a dog, and a deeper connection and understanding of my family especially my parents. Last weekend I took my mother to see Lara Elliot. We had a partner session. It was pure magic and so healing.
I have discovered a pretty good system for me. My lists now consist of almost a mood board. It has a clear list of it and pictures of what makes me feel what I am working towards. I put them up in my room. This helps me stay focused on what I need to unblock while manifesting that object or feeling. I also love when things look clean, creative, and exciting. I noticed my manifestations are more associated with a feeling I want rather than an item. These also help me with magic darks because I can look at my creative mood board and help myself stay focused and also have faith in myself. It helps me surrender easier.
Thank you, Lacy and your team, for creating this beautiful program. It has made me a better mother, wife, friend, daughter, and woman. It has taught me so much.
What workshops did you use and what blocks did you discover during the DIs & workshops?: I have used all the workshops. I continue to unblock self-doubt, feeling dumb, boundaries, the feeling of being safe, self-acceptance, money, worthiness, trying to be perfect to be accepted, and the list continues.
What expanders did you find?: Lara Elliot, Lacy Phillips, a couple of friends from Reiki trainings.
What tests did you face? Which did you pass? Not pass?: I have passed many tests—friendship boundaries, family boundaries, and especially during this quarantine time, children boundaries. I am currently being tested with this at the moment—tests surrounding Self-worth with the dog and the house. I continue to notice the tests and unblock, unblock, unblock!!!
Did you experience a magic dark period? If so, tell us about it.: I did experience a magic dark. It was when I passed many tests to be a fitness instructor and was still trying to find what I wanted to do as a career.
How did your manifestation come through?: Most of my manifestations have been working on myself, not so much physical items.
If you'd like, please include your IG handle:: @love_to_light
What is your cultural upbringing and background?: My parents were high school sweethearts and have been married for about 40 years. It was a good upbringing. My mother struggled with confidence, and my father was my hero. I was obsessed with him. I knew finding a man that was equally in love with me wouldn't be a problem, but I did struggle with understanding my value in life and that I am worthy of nice things. Love, I knew I was worthy of. We lived in a nice area, and my father worked a lot.
