Authentically Me Amidst The Chaos
What was on your manifestation list?
I grew up in a very academic household and was destined for a university degree whether I really wanted it or not (or that’s how I felt when I was younger). I went on to complete said degree, plus oodles of more education on top of that. The youngest of four, I've always been the more artistic and unconventional in my family. However, it wasn’t until my late twenties that I finally took the leap and followed my heart to pursue acting full-time — something I had been so afraid of doing. So afraid of letting go of other jobs (in my case excuses and procrastinations), of letting go of familial and societal expectations and conditioning, and demanding what I really want. At the time, I was managing a local juicery and developing my own business as a holistic nutritionist, all while attending acting auditions on the side.
Once I decided to shift my priorities, the managerial position became my bridge job and my work as a holistic nutritionist became more of a passion project (and over time, more of a personal interest or hobby). Within just a few weeks of making what felt like a mere energetic shift, I booked my first acting job in what had been years. I stayed at my bridge job with the intent to save enough money to support myself for a few months (my Fuck You Fund), but my acting bookings continued at such a rate that I ended up being able to leave my bridge job earlier than planned. Some kind of manifestation magic was at play.
What workshops did you use and what blocks did you discover during the DIs & workshops?
The Unblocked Inner Child workshop, which I spent two years trying to complete. It wasn't until a few months ago, however, that I was finally able to get through the entire workshop (note: a few months ago, I also went through a breakup). Up until then, I was never able to get past day 5.
What Expanders did you find?
One of my main Expanders during the past few years is my now ex (read more in next section re: tests). We were together for three years, during which time I was learning more about the manifestation process and working through the Reparent DIs.
What tests did you face? Which did you pass? Not pass?
The breakup I've mentioned a couple times already now: a few months ago, I ended a three-year relationship with a partner whom I still love deeply but realized he isn’t the person I’m supposed to be with. My decision to end the relationship came as the strongest gut feeling I’ve ever experienced (and it also feels like it came out of nowhere) and no matter how much I tried to logic my way out of the decision, my intuition kept telling me it was time to move forward. This three year journey with him was one of immense growth for both of us. We both worked through a number of blocks and triggers from previous relationships and childhood wounds — he also served as a great expander for me in regards to my acting career, as he is also in the industry pursuing his passion (and making a living off of it). It’s most heartbreaking, because we bring out the best in each other. However, we are ultimately on different paths, making this the most difficult separation I’ve ever endured. It was just days following the breakup that I was able to complete the reparent workshop with ease. Certainly, a lot came up during that time, but listening to my gut, trusting my intuition, and ultimately saying “no” to the relationship and “yes” to choosing myself, it’s as though a barricade that was keeping me from moving through the final steps of the Inner Child workshop was removed.
A few days after completing Inner Child in full, I was offered a large recurring role on a new TV series. This is the first time I’ve ever been offered a role this size without having to audition. It was very flattering and also appealing, especially as an artist in an industry where I’ve been conditioned to express over-the-moon gratitude for any opportunity that comes my way. But the pay for this job, despite it being a pretty sizable amount, wasn’t what I felt I was worth. After asking twice for more money, producers/directors/casting weren’t willing to budge on the original offer, so for the first time I walked away from a decent role and a large sum of money on what could be a very successful show. But none of which felt quite right and to which actually felt better to say “no."
Did you experience a magic dark period? If so, tell us about it.
(read next section re: manifestation) I can’t help but feel like I’m in a bit of magic dark right now! Since returning from LA, I’ve had the interest of an LA manager who wants to sign me to her roster (which is one of the next steps in advancing my career) and I’ve come very close to booking the lead roles in two independent films, one of which I was particularly attached to, as it would have been a fantastic role to play and project to be a part of. My current career goal is to book a series regular or a lead role in a film, and although there has been a number of projects where I’m gaining a lot of interest from producers and directors, nothing is quite landing. I’m very close, but not there yet. On top of this, I’m grieving the end of a what was a really incredible relationship but one that I know wasn’t right to stay in. Plus, after living in Toronto for 13 years (all of my adult life thus far), I’m moving to Vancouver at the end of December. There’s a lot of big changes happening for me and a lot of big changes that I’m also working to manifest, but it’s not quite happening. Expanders, limiting beliefs, something there needs to change. I feel like I’m passing tests, but something else is missing.
How did your manifestation come through?
The very next week after passing these tests (ending my relationship, turning down a job offer), I found myself in LA for the premiere of a TV series I’m on. The arrangements for attending the premiere were very last minute. Originally, I didn’t actually have an invite but thought maybe I could get one if I just kind of… showed up. It’s not a short trip from Toronto to LA, though, so I decided to see if my handful of contacts in LA would be around for the week I’d be visiting to make the trip more worthwhile. When I reached out to my network, with very little notice, everyone responded with enthusiasm that they would be available. I knew I had to fly out west, and that’s when I also received an official invite to the premiere (I wouldn’t have to sneak in anymore, ha!).
Arriving at the event, in a room crowded full of people — some familiar faces, some people I recognize from the industry because they’re “somebody” and so many new faces I had yet to meet, who do I spot? Lila, moving through the crowd — she was working her bridge job. In the most subtle way that I could muster at the time (I was very excited), I introduced myself and also completely geeked out over meeting her, expressing my love for TBM. Out of all the places I could have been that night in LA, out of all the places Lila could have been, this was some message from the universe. It felt like a sign that I was right where I was meant to be. That evening, I had an amazing time at what was my first LA premiere. Coming from Canada, this is a big deal. The TV and film industry is a lot smaller in Canada and in a lot of ways, a lot less intimidating. I was really proud of myself at the event, because I was able to be authentically me amidst the chaos that is the industry. I felt so deeply connected to who I am in an environment where I think I could have easily felt disconnected to myself. I was present and engaged, I wasn’t trying to be anything or anyone I’m not, which is something I see all too often happening to a lot of others within the industry. The whole experience was a very positive one, I learned a lot about myself.
