I’ve Made Space For My Authentic Self to Come Through
What was on your manifestation list?
This is interesting. I have a list, but I’m learning to get more specific. And, as I’m doing the work I’m realizing where my self-worth is low, and where I’ve got blocks that almost seem invisible, and that I’ve come to recognize, all of which I’m realizing has prevented me from asking for what I’m truly worth. It’s like settling is built into me to the point I do it in my list making, like instead of saying “I want this,” I say, “I want this, but it’s probably easier to have this for now.” But, one thing on my list was to complete a TV pilot script that my writing partner and I would feel comfortable pitching to anyone in the industry and that’s been done!
What workshops did you use and what blocks did you discover during the DIs & workshops?
I’ve been following the “Brave” roadmap, and it’s fully shifted my perspective and energy. One of the biggest blocks I encountered was the programing of my family to keep our emotions and struggles and self-expression inside and to ourselves, which was making the work difficult at times because I wasn’t always willing to go as deep, or admit what I needed to admit. In short, that fear of being seen, or fear that honesty is weakness/a burden to myself or others, kept me from getting to the deeper layers. This is why I would encourage everyone to be consistent in the work, because this block of mine was so deep I essentially wasn’t noticing it was there until I was doing the work consistently.
What expanders did you find?
Loads, and often in unexpected or unwanted places. People I “hated” began to show me shadow, and allowed me to release from my feedback loops of irritation toward them, which was really irritation toward myself and my choices and my lack of honoring self-value, and setting it and holding to my own boundaries I also looked for TV shows I admire, that felt like the energy of the show we’re writing, and I watched them, and have devoted myself to TV and film to learn all of the possibilities for writing TV and film scripts. I found, too, actors I love, and read-up on their lives, which has illuminated a path to me to becoming an actor. It’s huge to see others doing what I want to do, and it breaks me out of the burdensome loops of my programming!
What tests did you face? Which did you pass? Not pass?
My tests feel internal. I struggle with OCD and anxiety and in my states of low self-worth, I can be rocked by these energies. I get caught in negative thinking, and feel weighed down by my programing. But, when I do the work, I release from the loops of these energies by trusting myself, asking if those thoughts are of my highest self worth, acknowledging they’re not, then finding my boundaries and returning to holding my boundaries. A few weeks ago I failed a few tests, participating in a couple of family events to which my body was saying, “NO!”, but I was made to feel obligated and guilty and was, thus, pressured into participating. I was mad at myself for weeks because they felt like moments to step into my value, and I failed to do so. But, in not passing these tests I learned to stick up for myself always going forward, and that I can let go of the failures and step into my worth by not lingering in created feelings of screwing-up.
Did you experience a magic dark period? If so, tell us about it.
Hahaha. Yeah. Right now, or certainly until recently. Nothing seems to be, or seemed to be, coming in. Pitching a script in Hollywood takes time, and can feel like defeat in an eternal sense. I clung to positives from the past or tried to fix the past as I lingered in the magic dark, thinking both would get me through. But, what I needed was to release from both, which is done by stepping into my worth, saying I am not the 3 great dates I had with that person and want to get back again, and I am not my mess of credit card debt, but, that I am, instead, whole and worthwhile and brilliant and in love with what I do. As I did and do the work, the blocks of those burdens unknot and release and I come through as my whole self. So, I’m ready and open for the next manifestations on my list: a move to LA, and our script getting picked up!
How did your manifestation come through?
Work. Diligent, daily work. And, realizing that I am capable, and that what I’m doing is part of what I’ve always wanted to do, and not wasting anymore time doing anything else, or side stepping out of fear as I was taught by my family. And, realizing that I have to co-create with the universe, that I can’t expect it, or feel ego entitled to it, that I have to be honest and humble and truthful and that I have to put in the work and show up. Without this work of yours, I wouldn’t be in this state, I’d still be angry and righteous and thinking the world is screwing me over and doesn’t understand. But, I see these blocks now and I’ve reprogrammed them and they don’t matter and I’ve let them go, and in letting them go, I’ve made space for my authentic self to come through, and that has opened me to the freedom of connecting with what I want in this world. Much love to you and your team, Lacy!
- Dan
WORKSHOPS
Brave / Roadmap
