When I Turned Forty I Decided to Step Into My Fear!
I want to share a big revelation and possible #expander story for those of you who are single and looking for love...
I’m a forty-four year old woman who spent too many years feeling like there was something wrong with me because I was “single” for most of my life. I lived with that shame and thought “oh, it’ll just take the right guy... then I’ll fall in love/get married... blah blah.”
When I turned forty and decided to step into my fears for an entire year by doing various “fearless acts”, I had hoped by the end of that journey that I would meet the man of my dreams and fall in love. It was my first “ping” that perhaps something was blocking me from love and certainly if I stepped into fear forty different ways, I would unblock it and there would be my happy ending.
But, I had only scratched the surface.
I discovered underneath that fear, was an unbelievable amount of shame. It felt crippling. I didn’t want anyone to know. And here I was declaring myself so brave by doing these fearless acts but I kept the biggest fearless act... to myself.
Of course, as I’ve learned... we are only ready to reveal what we are ready to reveal. I shared some of my story later in my journey but it wasn’t until I moved back home to LA last year... that I was ready to revisit my childhood.
I discovered Lacy’s work seven months ago. You know what they say, when you’re ready, the teachers find you. And when she said you manifest from your subconscious, that's when it clicked... what was trapped in my childhood that was blocking me?
I started the Unblocked Money workshop and it was after the first DI and journaling that I discovered the correlation between my story around money and my story around love.
I started googling ways to unravel childhood trauma which I would have never thought I had!! I came from a divorced family, a family with two loving parents and I thought I was fine. But the “no big deal / I’m okay” attitude was covering up something and I finally allowed myself to go there.
I found a Body Code coach who, after one session with her, got me to revisit the trauma I felt after just one of my mom’s relationships ended. Because there were many. And the entire time as a child I remember thinking “I don’t want to be like her. I don’t want to define myself by being with a man.”
By taking this first step, I began to revisit it all. I sat with the pain, I cried it out. I got angry, resentful and then one day, I felt less triggered, more peaceful. I started loving the parts of me that needed to be loved the most.
We can’t change what happened to us, but we can change our relationship to what happened. And that is truly at the heart of this work. It’s the relationship we have with ourselves that matters the most.
Whether or not I meet the man of my dreams tomorrow, or ten years from now... I have unblocked the part of me that needed love the most. And I can finally give it to myself. And that is worth more than anything!!!
I recently started a podcast called, The Fearless Lady about my journey at forty of stepping into my fears and today, I finally shared my story.
And lastly, to my beautiful single ladies in the group, I hold you with the most loving arms... You are worthy of love right now, not when you get this job, or that apartment or that body or whatever shows up in your feed right now that wants you to buy, buy, buy. We live in a capitalistic society that thrives on our limiting beliefs. That’s why Lacy’s work, and all the spiritual work is so important. Keep with it... I know we all want to see our manifestations right away, but it’s a long game. How you show up everyday, with integrity and grace not only matters but feels AHHHHHHMMMMAAAZZZZING!
Sending love to you all
- Charlene
