Honoring My Authentic Code
I want to give you an update on the coaching session - because there have been many, many shifts, and moments of clarity for me that I credit to the "homework" you (Heather) gave me and the session we had. Number one -- having "space" as part of my authentic code. During our session, I had said that "space" was one of the four elements of my authentic code -- but it turns out, it had not been on my list (!!!) So, for months and months, I had not been honoring that very important piece of myself.
The day after our session, my husband, kids, and I left for a trip to Ojai for a month (something I had manifested before our session). Lots of nature, quiet and many ways for me to find "space" for myself in the mornings. I did the homework religiously - "The Rut" was a huge help. The updated Unblocked Money led me to several blocks I wasn't aware of. I "manifested" a photo of myself in nature (as you had suggested!) -- the one I posted on IG of me meditating on the rock -- unbeknownst to me, my husband took the photo, which is something he never does. In short, all of the homework has been very helpful.
And then the TESTS CAME. In Ojai, my husband and I were sharing a room with our toddler daughter, and she was not sleeping well. I decided to go back to Santa Monica for a night so that I could have space, quiet, and rest. Oh My God, Heather -- it was one of the best feelings I've had in the world!! Having the home to myself for a moment was amazing. I was on cloud nine; I had such clarity and felt like the best version of myself. I would not have done this for myself if I wasn't doing this work -- this was a big, big shift.
Test one -- This is a very long story -- so I'll try and keep it short. The day I came back from my little respite, we all had to go back to Santa Monica because of a health incident with my youngest daughter. Something that happened in my husband's care. That incident led to many more doctor's appointments and finally her needing to be hospitalized to extract pieces of almonds that were in her lungs. (He fed her chopped almonds when I wasn't around, this is something no child under three should ever eat!!) She is great now and handled it like a champ. The test was big for me -- in the past, I would have reacted and felt like I needed to be the one caring for my daughter 100% of the time.
I would have blamed my husband, and I would have taken on the bulk of the childcare - allowing myself to burn out. This time, I handled it gracefully (I think!), did what needed to be done, and made sure that I didn't burn out -- delegating doctor's visits to my husband, and allowing him to take the night shift in the hospital after I had been there since 5 am. The second test -- my husband and I decided that when we returned from Ojai, we would bring back our PT nanny, who we hadn't been using for almost three months since quarantine. This is huge for me.
I got some pushback from a friend who I shared her with. My instinct was to avoid conflict and offer my friend whatever she wanted (which was complicated and not what the nanny wanted). But, I knew this was a test, and I knew that I could gracefully stand in my worth and also not "take on" being the mediator between her and the nanny (which was what was starting to happen). I set a boundary, and so far, it's all worked out. My friendship is still intact too. I learned that by not trying to "people please," it made it better for all involved.
Oh man, I've written a mini-novel. I didn't want to do that, but I also wanted to share the impact you've had! Thank you for the check-in, and thank you for the homework.
