Unbelievable Magnetism After Acknowledging My Process
Name: Amy Constable
Are you currently a Pathway Member?: Yes
What was on your manifestation list?: A bridge job... with a twist. I had been at a bridge job for three years, and I felt stuck and stagnant. I am not quite ready or qualified for my ultimate dream job, but what I realized was that I needed to get on a path to it. I needed a bridge job that was more than a paycheck.
My list was:
In the arts industry (my authentic code)
An ethical company
A management-level position
A salary of $85K
Part-time and flexible hours
A small organization that I can feel an integral part of
What workshops did you use and what blocks did you discover during the DIs & workshops?: I did Up Level, even though I felt stuck. I had already done Rock Bottom and the Rut but realized that I was actually being called to Up Level! I re-did Shadow and Inner Child before starting Up Level, too.
Block: people in power and authority don't see me as capable, despite my record of success.
Block: I am too young to be in management
Block (also shadow): I'm arrogant. Nobody wants to hear my expertise or opinions.
Block: I'm asking too much. I have unrealistic expectations.
I had a powerful Deep Imagining experience where I recalled a time when I was 15, and my father wouldn't let me go camping with a group of friends. I thought I could convince him with logic, so I presented an unemotional case to him of why I should be able to go (I'm very responsible, I get good grades, everyone else is going, I've never done anything to break his trust). I have a very strong bond with my dad, but he has also been one of the biggest disappointments in my life. He didn't let me go camping and even got angry at me for suggesting that I knew better than he did with my counter-argument.
In the DI, I forgave him. I told him that I knew he was just scared for me, and he wasn't trying to keep me small. I also uncovered something unexpected. At around the same time, he let me go to a party that seemed perfectly safe, but I experienced a sexual assault (not serious, but still very frightening - and I never told him or anyone about it). My subconscious was showing me that people in authority don't always know everything or make the right call. I reprogrammed the experience. I gave myself permission to go away camping for the weekend and had a beautiful time with my friends (and a respectful romantic encounter) instead of going to the party and experiencing a sexual assault.
This probably seems unrelated to my career, but it really wasn't because it showed me a dynamic in the job interview process that I had picked up from my dad. That despite a great record of achieving (and people-pleasing!) powerful people can still reject you. But also, being in a position of power doesn't make them infallible - they can still make mistakes. I'm not a child anymore, and I don't need to ask anyone's permission to do what I know I'm perfectly capable of doing.
What expanders did you find?: - During the time I was 'stuck' in my job, my best friend landed not one but TWO high paying part-time management jobs one after the other - with less experience and qualifications than me.My manager at the job I was leaving was really encouraging. She helped me to feel as qualified and talented as her - if not more. She made me feel like her Expander!I began following pings on social media and started following women doing wonderful things in arts and culture.
I watched movies and series with strong female leads who had heart and ethics.
I stopped following accounts or listening to media that reinforced how difficult it has been historically for women to be seen as leaders. I am a proud feminist and believe strongly in equality, but I found the narrative around the feminism I had been following was keeping me small - either it felt shallow or very negative.
What tests did you face? Which did you pass? Not pass?: So many! It's the biggest global recession in human history. I saw a lot of jobs advertised that were paying too little and asking too much, and I felt anger and resentment rising up in me every time (feeling lack), but I always suppressed it. One very big test was a job at one of my favorite brands, and the way they worded the job description was so manipulative and unethical. So instead of suppressing my anger, despairing, or feeling hopeless, I reached out to the owner of the company on LinkedIn and politely but assertively expressed my disappointment in him taking advantage of the economic climate. At first, I thought I had failed this test by letting it get to me, and I thought he would just ignore my message (which would make me feel even worse).
But to my surprise, he responded - clearly very rattled - and I felt incredibly powerful. It wasn't just a message to him, but a message to the universe that I don't care what the economy is like, I am worth what I am worth, and I'm not going cheap. Another test that kept coming up for me was around housing. I have wanted to move for a while, but the perfect place hasn't come up. I also needed to secure a job before I could move.
For about three months before I started seriously looking for a job, the housing market had nothing. As soon as I started looking for a job, it was full of not-quite-perfect but affordable houses! It was so distracting, and it created a feeling of 'I should have stayed in my old job because then I could apply for this house' or 'I don't have a job right now, I need to find something cheaper.' I recognized the pattern and passed those tests.
When I was interviewing for the role I was eventually offered, the employer didn't call me when I expected them to. At 7 pm on the day they told me they would call, I turned to my husband and said out loud, 'they said they would call today, and I'm not taking this job if they call me tomorrow.' At that exact moment (literally 7.02 pm!) an email came through apologizing for the lateness - they wanted me to meet the board and had only just landed on a time that everyone could make. Again, I felt very powerful for saying my 'no' out loud. I likened it to my sense of worth when I was dating (I always had high worth in dating).
If a guy didn't call me within my expected timeframe, I didn't take his call on any day after that. I didn't hold it against him, he just didn't meet my expectations, and there are literally billions of dudes out there - no shortages to worry about. Finally - whenever a manifestation comes through, I always miss out on something that seemed like it was my list, only for something even better to come along. I always think - if I'd got that first opportunity, I wouldn't have this much better one. A few months ago, I didn't get a job that I thought was pretty perfect, so I knew something more perfect was circling.
Did you experience a magic dark period? If so, tell us about it.: I had already left my old bridge job (jumped off the cliff! Was rewarded with an unexpectedly large tax refund), but the process of finding my new job was definitely a period of compounding magic dark. I use astrology a lot in my manifestation practice, and retrogrades always feel like times of magic dark because there is a review going on in the background - during the darkest of the magic dark, there were five planets retrograde at once! I have a cazimi in my natal chart (my Mercury is in the exact same degree as my Sun), so Mercury Retrograde is always a slow time for me, and I try to approach it as a time of thorough review.
I applied for a number of jobs during the magic dark, but I got radio silence - despite my experience, I was only invited to interview for two roles. I missed out on the first one before I found the second - a way more perfect one. On the day that Mercury stationed direct - my manifestation came through, and I was offered the job with everything on my list. I start my new job on the day that Mars stations direct.
How did your manifestation come through?: I got a ping to look on a niche website for arts events and opportunities after feeling triggered by LinkedIn and other career websites. I advertised there and nowhere else and found a job with everything on my list. It was a not-for-profit performing arts organization in a management level role with part-time, flexible hours, and at the salary I wanted. I timed my application to coincide with the Full Moon in Aries (my career house) and made a commitment to be unapologetically authentic in my application. I used the concept of grace throughout.
Before each interview, I said the mantra: I deserve the right employer; they deserve the right employee. Mutual respect is very important to me, and I feel called to extend respect, not just demand it. On the day that Mercury stationed direct, I got the call that I had been successful. I will start work on the day that Mars stations direct. Then the day after I got the job, a perfect new house came up with everything on my list - and then some! I feel positively magnetic right now.
What is your cultural upbringing and background?: Australian (Scottish ancestry)
WORKSHOPS
Shadow / Inner Child / Uplevel
