Standing In My Worth & Buying My Dream Jeep
Name: Lauren Gress
Where do you reside?: Michigan
What is your cultural upbringing and background?: White, middle-class, small country town in the midwest. Gemini Sun, Scorpio Moon, Sagittarius Rising.
Are you currently a Pathway Member?: Yes
What was on your manifestation list?: New Jeep Wrangler - 2018 or newer, under $600 a month for car payments, black with either tan or black interior.
What workshops did you use and what blocks did you discover during the DIs & workshops?: Unblocked Inner Child, Unblocked Shadow, and DI's. Some of the blocks I discovered were that I linked my value to material items. This was a huge discovery during Unblocked Inner Child. Once I went through Shadow, I saw how it was connected to my Shadow of "not good enough." I realized that if I didn't have the newest trend or item, I would feel like I wasn't good enough or worthy enough for people to like me—this looped back to being bullied in elementary school, which I had to reprogram during Inner Child. So my Shadow was keeping me small in my worth around material items. I had to struggle with the idea of "is wanting a Jeep really what I want or what my shadow is telling me will give me worthiness?"
What expanders did you find?: I had a few co-workers that had Jeeps, so it was easy to see that it was possible. My husband had just purchased a new vehicle a few months before I was looking to get mine, so seeing that he could do it was also expansive. And then I had one expander, which was in her worth around buying items for herself. She was confident and didn't connect her value to her clothes or accessories, and seeing her confidence in herself helped me gain confidence that I, alone, was worthy and what I had didn't matter.
What tests did you face? Which did you pass? Not pass?: I am not 100% sure about all the tests I faced. I know one for sure. I was looking at ads for used Jeeps in the area and saw one that gave me butterflies. It was the right price, the right color (and the color interior I wanted), so I made an appointment to go see it. When I got to the lot, they had listed it incorrectly on the site, and it was one of the "too good to be true" tests. I ended up not being able to even test drive it because it didn't fit my list.
I felt very defeated after that but trusted that the right one would be there. Later I went to a different dealership to see if I could afford a new one (like my husband buying a new car, I thought maybe I could too). I was able to test drive one at the dealership, but unfortunately, the monthly payments would have been over my budget with it being brand new. The dealer tried to get me into a Jeep Cherokee, but I knew I wanted a Wrangler, so I said no and left again feeling defeated.
I think the last test was looking at some more used listings. I found another one that fit my list. I called the dealership, and they said I could come that afternoon for a test drive and set up an appointment. About a half-hour later, they called back and said someone had purchased it already at the time that I made the appointment, and it was no longer available. At this point, I thought it was never going to happen.
Did you experience a magic dark period? If so, tell us about it.: Yes, a little background, I was in over my head in my current lease. I had about six months left in the lease and was already 1000 miles over my limit. So I knew that every mile I drove was just adding to the expense I would have to pay to turn it in. Which made going to visit all the Jeep dealerships in my tests even more pressing and more frustrating because "I just drove all this way and put all these miles on my lease for nothing." I was feeling very defeated and hopeless.
It seemed no matter what Jeep I wanted to go see or try to go see got swept out from under me. I knew the longer I stayed in my lease, the more money I would have to pay to get out of it. I was at the point where it would be cheaper to pay to break my lease than the extra miles I knew I would be putting on it if I kept it for the remainder of the six months. But I couldn't break my lease without another car to drive, so I felt very stuck.
How did your manifestation come through?: Finally, I found another Jeep, and it fit the bill. It was the model I wanted, the price I wanted, the color I wanted. I was able to go test drive it and worked with the dealer, who said he would take care of my current lease for me (what?!), even being over miles and having six months left of payments. When we were calculating the interest and monthly payments, this was the final test. He quoted me an interest rate over 4%, which would make my monthly payments over my $600 budget.
I had to say no. I had to stay in my worth even though everything else was perfect. This was my last test. I told him that that was too high of an interest rate, and I had to walk away from the deal. I have a very high credit rating, so he asked me if I would be interested in continuing the transaction if he could find me a lower rate. I said yes. I did end up leaving. He called me the next day and said he was able to get me a rating of 2.5%, which made my monthly payments low enough that I was able to afford the Jeep. I went back that afternoon and bought my Jeep Wrangler.
How long did it take for your manifestation to come through after crafting your initial list?: About 4-5 months
How frequently were you using the workshops and DI's when you noticed the biggest shift surrounding your manifestation?: I was doing the work 3-4 times a week. I noticed the biggest shift when I unblocked my painful childhood memory around being bullied. This group of girls were nice to me when I had something they wanted and mean to me when I didn't, but they were "popular," so it made me think, "if I had cool stuff that the other kids like and want, then they will want me too."
How do you incorporate this work into your life on a daily basis? Any tips, tricks or recommendations for getting the most out of it, or personalizing it?: Once I realized that my self-worth was tied to buying things, it was really easy for me to start asking myself, "Is this a high self-worth purchase or a low self-worth purchase?" "Am I purchasing this item to feel like I fit in and have others see me, or am I purchasing this because it's truly what I want, and I am deserving of it?"
If you'd like, please include your IG handle:: @gresslemania
