Deep-Diving Into Shadow & Redefining My Career
Name: Eden Garcia Thaler
Are you currently a Pathway Member?: Yes
What was on your manifestation list?: I subconsciously called in a partner before starting this work, the process of which followed the formula to a T.
On my list/manifested since doing the work:
-Apartment
-Soul-aligned income portal/business
-Speaking/presenting gigs for my business
-White long jacket
-Free place to stay for mini cleanse/panchakarma
What workshops did you use and what blocks did you discover during the DIs & workshops?: I used How to Manifest, Unblocked Money, Unblocked Shadow, Rut, Rock Bottom, Supported and the DRE specifically shadow & Inner Child, Subconscious Reintegration, Emotional Clearing, Trigger, Tests, Prosperity, Reinforcing Deservingness & Abundance
Blocks discovered:
-I constantly felt like I was being "punished" by the universe for being a "bad girl". This stemmed from constant silent treatment/emotional withdrawal from caregivers growing up.
-Feeling as though other peoples' emotions were my fault/responsibility from childhood wounding.
-If I struggle/am a victim/am a martyr this is when I get attention/rewarded
-I am not inherently enough; my effort/striving is what makes me worthy.
-I was feeling guilty for getting more attention than my siblings as a kid and felt a need to punish myself for that.
-I was feeling guilty for not being able to fully make my mom happy. I felt like my presence/actions constantly hurt her.
-Lack/scarcity around money because it's irresponsible to NOT hoard/be in a constant state of control/lack.
-I was afraid to express a need in my relationship, I'm going to upset/anger/hurt my partner
-Unworthy of rest/relaxation/having things come easily
-I was feeling not seen and abandoned by the universe because of my perceived "not trying hard enough".
-I was feeling judged/pitied/laughed at by peers due to childhood bullying
-I was feeling guilty of manipulating when selling to/working with clients
-I was feeling afraid of getting taken advantage of/having boundaries violated by clients, which led to a subconscious pushing away of clients.
Shadow words:
-Needy
-Clingy
-Disgusting
-Lazy
-Fat
-Unlovable
-Ineffectual
-Don't work hard enough
-Don't want things bad enough
-Selfish
-Idealistic/insane/overzealous
-Unrealistic/ungrounded
-Irresponsible
-Victim
-Secretly afraid to try/push myself
What expanders did you find?:
Most of my expanders were friends or peers who had successful coaching businesses, although some others were as follows:
-Business mentor who was also soul-aligned
-A yoga/spiritual teacher who fully owned her deservingness of money and to be supported as a healer
-My partner who loved me the way I deserved to be loved
What tests did you face? Which did you pass? Not pass?: My future partner also served as all of my relationship tests - he was emotionally unavailable when we first met. Therefore, hanging out with him and hooking up with him was all a test that I failed. Allowing him back into my life after I already set a boundary (that was not backed up energetically) was also a test that I finally passed when I cut off all communication. I also had another love interest who was a test that I failed (I failed a lot of tests, lol). I failed a test when agreeing to move in with my partner's mom instead of getting our own apartment.
I jumped off a cliff and decided to move out, passing several apartment tests that were the wrong fit. I passed several business opportunities that would have been low self-worth/acting out of scarcity. I also turned down several jobs that were tested.
Did you experience a magic dark period? If so, tell us about it.: I experience very intense, full-bodied magic darks. I am clairsentient, so I can feel that my manifestations have arrived before they physically arrive. I went through a three-month magic dark before my partner came through that felt like I was on an absolute honeymoon. I was positively pregnant with feelings of love, bliss, wholeness, surrender. The same thing happened after I jumped off a cliff and manifested my apartment and income portal without a fuck you fund.
I felt two days before the money and client came through that it had already arrived. I felt this as the same full-bodied, dripping with love and God-energy feeling that I had when manifesting my partner. It's a feeling of utter contentment, utter connection with the universe, and direct knowledge that all of my needs are already taken care of. I am already whole. I have already attained that which I am seeking. I no longer even am seeking it because I already feel that it is present.
How did your manifestation come through?:
Relationship: after a seven-month period of separation and no contact, my partner finally confessed his feelings for me, what he had been going through that was making him emotionally unavailable, and how he had been working to heal these things. He was energetically, mentally, emotionally, and physically ready to commit to a long-term partnership. He told me he loved me and was ready, and we've been together ever since (the last two years).
Apartment: I had posted in several FB groups looking for an apartment immediately available in Philadelphia. Even though my partner and I didn't really have room to be picky, I turned down several opportunities that we were presented with. We needed to manifest something that day. I sunk into the Tests DI, and when I woke up, I had a message on FB. It was from a guy who had seen my message on the Philadelphia housing page. He had an apartment he thought I'd be interested in that was available immediately. We could move in tomorrow.
Further, his girlfriend was interested in connecting with me because she was in a similar field (food freedom, eating disorder recovery, mindfulness, very niche area). She had already reached out on Instagram and was the most incredible soul ever. The apartment had everything we could possibly need and was BENEATH the rent on my list but included everything on my list. My partner was out on a walk with his sponsor. I couldn't wait to tell him about it when he got back. When he got back, I told him I think I found the perfect spot.
He said to wait because his sponsor actually had another sponsee who was trying to sublet his place with his girlfriend. I asked what the name of the sponsee was. It was the SAME person I'd randomly met via Facebook. Derek (my partner) had actually met this guy two weeks ago on a virtual zoom meeting and gotten his number. Without knowing it, they shared the same sponsor. We called the sponsee (the guy I'd been messaging on FB) and his girlfriend immediately, and we all had full-body chills realizing all of the ways we're connected. This guy was even in the process of applying to the same company my boyfriend works for.
They were in Boulder because his girlfriend was applying to the same master's program I had applied to the previous year. They had been praying for a spiritual couple to take over their apartment, and we were it. Due to an error in the leasing system, the pet deposit and lease transfer fees were already covered. We moved in the next day.
Money/career: We had to move abruptly (my boyfriend essentially jumped off a cliff and brought me with him), so I did not have time to save an FU fund. I have been working partially from home within my coaching business and driving for delivery apps to make extra money. Right when we decided to move to Philly, I downloaded that I cannot be dependent on these apps to make money anymore. The universe needed to fully become my bank. I realized how ridiculous it was that I was not manifesting more money through my business rather than relying on these apps.
I had deep resentments, lack, and victimhood around money. I did SO much unblocking every time I felt angry at the universe for not giving me more. Anytime I felt blocked with money, I took it through the journal prompts and DRE. I had been unblocking for months, but I hadn't let this side hustle go yet. Therefore, I'd accumulated quite a bit of a magnetism savings account because I was so unblocked and expanded but hadn't let go of this side job that was clearly too small for me. I still had shadow around it and felt like I just wasn't trying hard enough. I was a primadonna by feeling like I was too good for this job. I felt like I had to struggle to make money.
Once we moved, the universe started rock bottoming me to quit driving for delivery apps because I wasn't doing it fast enough. From the app shutting down to my car literally getting stuck in a snowstorm, I finally received the message and realized that I do not have to prove that I'm "trying hard enough" (one of my biggest shadows). I had to confront the part of me that felt ineffectual, that I couldn't be successful at any "conventional" job. With no FU fund, barely any savings left, I stopped driving for the delivery apps and told the universe to show me the way.
I started getting huge downloads around my business, changing some things, how I needed to talk about my work, and downloads for new offers. I didn't hesitate and listened to every ping. While I had faith, I also had intense fear. This fear and lack led me to apply to several nannying jobs. I did the interviews, but each time turned down the job. Something in me could not allow me to take these jobs. My worth simply felt too high, and even though my bf probably thought I was crazy, I just knew I could not accept another job yet.
Finally, I allowed my intuition to come through clearly. It was saying, "we are taking you full time in your business. Now. Do not look for another job." This made no sense to me as I was not even making HALF a full-time income from my business. Through an expander/my business mentor, I got the ping to raise my rates. I had not been able to do this because I wasn't unblocked enough and felt unworthy of receiving more. However, I started to tune into how unblocked I truly was now and that it was time to raise them. I more than doubled my rates.
I did Prosperity, Trigger, Test, Shadow & Inner Child DIs every day. It got to the point while doing the Prosperity DI, I could see that my subconscious was completely unblocked, and there were no obstacles to me receiving my manifestation (money in the form of clients). This was puzzling to me: was I bypassing something? Was I truly completely unblocked? I fell into a magic dark. I've already described what it feels like above, but it was the felt-sense that my manifestation had already arrived. It lasted two days.
Two days later, I awoke to an Instagram DM to someone who'd found me randomly and was interested in the coaching service I'd downloaded to create and offer not two weeks before. She signed up and paid in full (the first time that has EVER happened to me). Because I'd doubled my rates, this was more money than I have EVER received at one time. A few weeks prior to that, I'd also put on my manifestation list "opportunities to serve as a coach in other peoples' group coaching programs." The next day after the new client came through, I awoke to a message from my business mentor.
She said she had a client who she loved, who was looking for a mindset coach to come into her group coaching program, and she wanted to refer me to the job. I said yes. She then told me who the client was (several hundred thousand followers on Instagram, she is well-known, to say the least). Not a MONTH before this, I'd changed my niche from food issues to more general coaching on a ping, which made me a fit for this opportunity when it came through.
If you'd like, please include your IG handle: @mindbodyhaven
What is your cultural upbringing and background?: Middle class, originally from New Rochelle, NY, brought up in Leesburg, VA. Ancestry is Irish, Scottish, English, Welsh. I come from a blended family (stepdad and two step-siblings - but in spirit, they are full dad and full siblings :)
WORKSHOPS
How to Manifest / Money / Shadow / Uplevel / DREs
