He Checks Off My Entire List & More
Are you currently a Pathway Member?: Yes
What was on your manifestation list?:
-Partnership and career during the pandemic
-Family time during Covid-19. My parents both live overseas, my siblings and I live in three different states; we ended up having a full house for the holidays (this rarely happens even in normal time).
-Miscellaneous items such as a new MacBook Pro and some designer pieces I wanted to invest in as a part of stepping into my authentic self and quite literally up-leveling my self-image.
What workshops did you use and what blocks did you discover during the DIs & workshops?:
-Unblocked Inner Child
-Unblocked Love
-Unblocked Shadow
-Unblocked Money
-Rockbottom, The Rut, Uplevel
What expanders did you find?:
-My best friend who met her dream partner during the pandemic. I've witnessed her grow into a woman in a short time through this mature and conscious partnership. They plan on getting engaged within the next year!
-Effortlessly stylish women who have carved out their own niche in the art/design world doing what they love. One example is Alex Eagle, a London-based creative director with her own eponymous label and lifestyle brands.
What tests did you face? Which did you pass? Not pass?: At the beginning of the pandemic, I started to feel stuck in my last job. I was no longer feeling "expanded" by it. I worked at a prestigious luxury company. The general sentiment was that you had to commit for many years before you get promoted. Even then, it was never guaranteed. I enjoy learning and growing quickly, but I picked up early on that I would have to make compromises and essentially dull my authentic self in order to make it in the corporate world. By summertime, it became unbearable, and shortly after my birthday, I handed in my two-week notice.
At the time, I was also in a committed relationship, but it took me a while to realize my partner was also holding me back because I was dulling my authentic self to keep him satisfied, and it was never enough. We broke up shortly before Christmas. It was huge for me to jump off two big cliffs in a short time frame. I considered my last job and relationship my security blankets, not realizing they were actually reflections of my low self-worth. After that, it was a scary and dark time; I relapsed back to fear/lack many times but always returned to heart-centered trust.
A lot of triggers around family and missed opportunities surrounding the next career moves came up. After I left my last job, recruiters reached out with corporate jobs I was not interested in, but a little part of me was tempted because I was in fear/lack due to not having an income stream (also, my ego didn't want to accept I was unemployed). I saved money before I left my job, but every time my funds were dipping lower than my comfort level, I was always replenished through outside sources right on time, such as selling things I no longer wanted or needed. This helped me gain trust in the universe looking out for me.
On the partnership front, I took my time to consciously dissect my last relationship and learn why I always end up with the wrong person. It really helped me gain clarity in what to look for in my next partner. In both career and love, I've had really exciting and seemingly "perfect" opportunities present themselves only to be ghosted later on, which really triggered me and led me to uncover my hidden fear of rejection. I then realized I never actually wanted to date that one person or get that one job. I was triggered because my fear of rejection materialized, and my ego had a hard time accepting it.
Did you experience a magic dark period? If so, tell us about it.: I think because I am intuitive in how I approach this work, my process isn't exactly linear as I swing in between the rut, tiny rock bottoms, and small up-levels here and there. I had many magic darks in between the small manifestations. Sometimes I don't even notice them, but I'm pretty sure I am in one right now with new career opportunities popping up then going silent, except this time it's not triggering my deep-seated fear of rejection. I put my trust in divine timing.
After being ghosted by a potential date and working through that trigger, two weeks later, I got a like on a dating app from a guy I probably would have never initiated contact with, but after reviewing his profile, I decided to go for it. Even though he initiated the like, I could tell he was cautious by taking the conversation slowly. I'm never the one to pursue, but in my gut, I felt strongly I had to just ask him out (walking through my fear of rejection). When he arrived on our first date, I have to admit I was not impressed, nor did I feel attracted to him, but as the night progressed, I could feel my ego melting off, and it turned into one of the most open-hearted exchanges I've ever had. At that moment, I felt an attraction to him I've never felt before. It felt like a pure heart and soul connection, and that feeling continues to grow.
How did your manifestation come through?: I used the holidays to really hone down my To Be Magnetic practice. I do the work intuitively, so instead of daily practice, I do the workshops and DIs based on triggers that come up. During this time, I manifested a new MacBook Pro. I've wanted to upgrade for a long time, but without a salary, I didn't want to spend the money. My dad saw my old laptop and insisted on paying for my new upgrade. I never mentioned it or asked him for it. I also manifested several high-quality designer pieces I imagined for myself but would never pay full prices for at incredible discounts (improvement, especially quality of life, is a pillar of my authentic code).
It's only been two weeks since I met my potential partner, but so far, he checks off my entire list and more. Because of him, I've had to revise my list, realizing how much ego went into the first couple of versions. I feel seen, heard, understood, and treated like an equal. We've both been disappointed in our past dating experiences, and we speak openly about it coming to a mutual agreement that going slow is the right thing to do. Our timing is aligned, and we both feel ready to find our person, settle down, and start a family. Usually, my Aries Rising likes to jump into things, but I feel pulled back and conscious of my next steps with him this time. I really feel like I'm becoming the woman I'm meant to be in his presence.
On the job front, well, this is my biggest career jump to date! So to be continued... (pending Magic Dark)
What is your cultural upbringing and background?: Chinese-born American.I grew up in a progressive household, my parents are culturally traditional, but they have always encouraged us to be individuals in life. We immigrated to the US when I was 8, my dad felt stunted and rejected in communist China for having a mind of his own, and he didn't want the same experience for us. I've always felt keen on being an individual, so my formative years in China really dimmed my light early on in life. Feeling rejected and outcast is something I continue to work on daily.
WORKSHOPS
Shadow / Inner Child / Love / Money / Uplevel
