The Most Expanding Dating Experience I’ve Ever Had
Are you currently a Pathway Member?: Yes
What was on your manifestation list?:
Macro manifestation: partnership.
Micro manifestations:
-Chemistry (emotional, physically, intellectual, and conversational)
-feeling safe (emotionally and physically),
-feeling valued and accepted
-Interdependence.
What workshops did you use and what blocks did you discover during the DIs & workshops?: The Magnetism Challenge, Unblocked Money, and I'm still working through Unblocked Shadow. I've previously done How to Manifest, but not directly in conjunction with the three workshops listed.
I discovered three big blocks.
1 & 2. I have made choices with regard to my living situation, and my job that have been rooted in the fears of two of my caretakers and have internalized the idea that wants are unnecessary and therefore can't be had. By allowing the fears of others to control my decisions, I have felt small and mostly powerless and haven't built much of a trust muscle--this is something I am still working on as it is an ongoing endeavor!
3. This one I mostly knew for years but wasn't ready to admit to myself yet: I needed to start setting long-overdue boundaries for myself in my job. I'm an enneagram nine and historically* always prioritized the needs and wants of others above my own, which resulted in resenting the other person(s) when the in reality, the only person I was really upset with was myself (*really working on this, it still happens from time to time, but I'm really working on it). I spent years feeling so afraid that if I said I wanted and/or needed at work (in big and small ways), that I would be dismissed and ignored, or worse, rejected, therefore creating disconnection which, as a 9, is my worst fear (to feel disconnected).
For years, I blamed being single on my job, but really, I was single because I had so few boundaries, was unavailable, and not ready to be in partnership, and thus I kept attracting the same.
What expanders did you find?: Number 1 expander couple is Tayshia Adams and Zac Clark from The Bachelorette! I am so inspired by the thoughtful, direct, honest, compassionate way in which they communicated with one another on the show. There was a sense of freedom to be goofy around each other that was so sweet and playful. They were (are) so in their worth, and both knew exactly what they wanted, and most importantly, they were ready for it. I really loved that when they were having more serious conversations, you could tell that they were really listening to the other and really heard what the other person had to say.
They have great chemistry that can be felt through a screen! My other expander couple is another Bachelor franchise couple, and that's Dean Unglert and Caelynn Miller-Keys. Similarly to Zac and Tayshia, their communication (that was shown during the brief time they were on TV together plus what can be seen from their social media accounts) is so healthy and strong, they have shared passions and interests and values AND are really different from one another (interdependence!!!) and have a clear respect and admiration for each other. They're very playful but are also committed to building a life together.
My last expander couple is my best friend and her boyfriend. My friend's childhood dance teacher (who thought her now-boyfriend would be "perfect" for her) introduced them over Facebook while my best friend was living abroad. They dated semi-long distance (visiting each other, my friend coming home to the states for several months at a time) for a little over a year until the pandemic when she moved back to the states, and now after almost 2.5 years of being together, they're about to move into their first apartment together without roommates. She once said to me when I was feeling insecure about the possibility of dating someone who didn't live very close to me, "hey, he wanted to be with me while I was in another country. If someone is seriously into you, they won't care how far away you are; they'll make it work." That was really eye-opening and super expansive!
What tests did you face? Which did you pass? Not pass?: The tests that I have passed have predominantly not been in the dating arena, but in the other areas of my life where I've really needed to invest in my self-worth, specifically with regard to my job. My job doesn't have exclusively defined hours because a big part of it is me making my own schedule, and working from home 24/7 this past year has made it all the more easy to work at any given moment and not have clear "working'' times and "not working" times. Once I started setting boundaries around my work hours and started taking more committed steps towards moving into my own apartment, lo and behold, both the quantity and the quality of guys on the apps increased! I started talking to a few just to have a positive dating experience that would lead to partnership if it was the right fit, nothing more than that.
I had some decent, interesting conversations, but there was always something off. One guy asked if I wanted to hang out that weekend even though my profile said I wasn't ready for in-person socializing. Another guy was even busier than I was and dating just clearly wasn't his priority. One guy made an awkward joke about being allergic to pretty girls and said he should stay away from me (props for the humor! Just wasn't the right fit), and then there was a guy who was a fantastic test for me.
I've always said that if a guy puts something in his profile about sarcasm being his love language or something like that, it's a hard no for me. This guy had liked me on Hinge probably five times over the last few years, and I've always said no because of the sarcasm thing (and because there was something about his vibe that felt like he was not going to be a good fit for me). But this time I thought, "maybe I'm too judgmental. I'll give it a try". And so I did. After texting a LOT for a few days in a very lighthearted, jokey manner, we FaceTimed one night for about 10 minutes. In those 10 minutes, he was so sarcastic and self-deprecating that I literally couldn't tell if he was being serious or kidding throughout the entire conversation. I texted him a few days later and ended it.
Did you experience a magic dark period? If so, tell us about it.: Well, to be honest, I think the magic dark for me has been a number of years leading up to when I really committed to doing this work and then this manifestation coming through early this spring. When I was in college, I was amazing at manifesting the dating experiences I wanted to have. I would set my sights on a guy, and I get them. Towards the end of college and several years later, it got progressively more difficult for me to connect with anyone because of my somewhat boundary-less commitment to the people I worked with, and I really questioned my worth. I spent a few years in my mid-twenties really getting to know myself in new ways, which was amazing, but 2020 was the year that I really dug deep and started doing the inner work with the support of a coach who I've been working with for about a year and a half.
Completing the magnetism challenge changed everything for me. Creating that time for myself in the mornings made mornings something to really look forward to! It encouraged me to start setting small boundaries once I started seeing where I was being untrue to myself and living my life for others, and where I really wanted to make changes and step more into my worth.
How did your manifestation come through?: After talking with a handful of guys on the dating apps, a guy commented on one of my Hinge photos one night and complimented my photography skills. It was sort of an odd thing to comment on a dating app. I had no idea if he was just into my Instagram or if he was interested in me at all, and I almost ignored it because of that. I looked at his profile, and he seemed to want a meaningful connection (something I also want), he seemed like a kind and down to earth guy (qualities that I want in a partner), but there were also these videos of him playing guitar in a way that felt really contradictory to the easy-going vibe he had going and that really intrigued me!
I wanted to find out what that was about. Looking at him, I wouldn't say he was my usual type as I've always been most attracted to dark hair, thick muscular build and he is very tall and has what I would call a swimmer's body and has light hair, but I thought I was super cute. So all of those things put together made me want to match with him. We started talking, and the conversation was pleasant! Not out-of-this-world amazing, but it was very engaging, and he asked thoughtful, interesting questions and had really interesting things to say. The more we talked, the more intrigued I became, and I asked if he'd want to FaceTime as I was not ready to meet in person yet.
The first time we FaceTimed was awesome. He was so natural and easy to talk to, and I could tell immediately that he was really comfortable with himself, and that put me at ease right away. He told me about his work situation and how he had left a job that had very few boundaries, and how while his current work situation isn't perfect, he gets to leave work at work and feels so much better overall. Hearing that was SUPER expansive, and I knew right then that at the very least, this guy was an expander for me, and for that, I was grateful. It's been about two months since we started talking, and we have either FaceTimed or gotten together in person every weekend, including two 7-8 hour dates!
He's communicative, thoughtful, interesting, a great listener. I laugh when I'm with him, we both value investing in one's emotional well-being, and we have amazing chemistry. Plus, he's an incredible expander for me with regard to the level of independence he has, which is something I want for myself. Will this evolve into a long-term partnership? No idea. I know that it has been the most positive dating experience I've ever had, and I am getting to know myself in new ways, which is incredible, and I'm so grateful for all of it!
Finding my partner attractive is on my manifestation list because physical intimacy is something that I value. I want to be able to look at him 40 years down the road and still see "the stud I fell in love with" and still be attracted to him.
How long did it take for your manifestation to come through after crafting your initial list?: I've been making lists for years. However, the list I made that was not just superficial, but rather a list of qualities and how I'd want to feel in partnership was made exactly three months before we matched.
How frequently were you using the workshops and DI's when you noticed the biggest shift surrounding your manifestation?: I was using them approximately 2-5 times a week for about two months and then slowed down a little bit, but was also listening to Supported and Expanded episodes at least once a week and talking about this work with my coach.
