A Better Relationship With Money & An Unexpected Tax Return
Name: Laetitia Vellutini
Where do you reside?: France
What is your cultural upbringing and background?: I was raised by white middle-class parents and had a pretty ordinary -if lonely- childhood despite having (much older) step-sisters. My shadow work and other readings I did showed me my parents were emotionally immature. We lived well enough from a material perspective, but emotional comfort didn't exist.
Are you currently a Pathway Member?: Yes
What was on your manifestation list?: Several "big" material items like the house of my dreams, which I knew would take a long time to materialize but also some immaterial things that I knew would get me closer to the big manifestations, like a sense of self-worth, better boundaries, and most importantly being able to manage my Money to create space for receiving more. I must add I was in the process of recovering from a phase where I was very depressed. My boyfriend ghosted me, this was almost three years ago, but I have found it extremely difficult to recover and get some closure. Notably, after being ghosted, I started spending enormous amounts of Money, not budgeting, and really not caring at all anymore.
What workshops did you use and what blocks did you discover during the DIs & workshops?: I used Unblocked Shadow and Unblocked Money. I discovered I self-sabotaged in a near-suicidal way. I did the shadow workshop where you had to draw your shadow. Mine was a skeleton standing on a pile of Money that she didn't care about, she hated it, and she hated herself. She resented having Money. She felt she had no right to have it or keep it. I always write what my shadow is saying when I draw my shadow, and the Skeleton said, "I have nothing to give, I have nothing for me. Whatever I have, I don't deserve it. I earn it for someone else to love me and stay with me." Of course, the underlying fear of not being worthy, of not being able to be loved, was there too.
What expanders did you find?: Even before the DIs, I listened to Jas of Moon's podcast, and in an episode about Money, she mentions the idea that we need to show the universe we're ready to receive, and she analyzes the open heart in HD, and that was a bit of a revelation for me: I wasn't able to receive, I felt I had nothing or not enough, and I wanted others to fix me. I read up about money management and personal finances and found an audiobook by Bari Tessler, a financial therapist. She tells how she was the first avoidant of the topic of Money and got into severe money issues, she tells about her upbringing, and I could really see common points between her life and mine. Her book is very good because she used to be a somatologist, so she knows how stress feels, and she gives tips to listen to one's body and accept the feelings of avoidance and fear. I took notes, followed her advice, and drafted a budget.
What tests did you face? Which did you pass? Not pass?: This one will sound silly. The day after drafting my budget, I noticed my toilet had no water anymore. It was all gone, no leak, just gone down the drain. Immediately I thought *panic*I will have to find a plumber, just before Christmas, it will cost me tons of Money, I can't afford this, there goes my beautiful budget. But I decided to go to bed and wait until the next day to think of a solution. The first thing I did the next morning was to watch a youtube video on how to fix a toilet. And guess what, the solution was right there.
It was just a tiny screw to tighten, basically. I realized I would have absolutely despised myself for calling in someone to fix something so stupid AND paying hundreds of Euros for basically a non-service. I was so proud of myself for not going the old route of "whatever, I lose all the money I have" and being able to take care of it without spending a dime. I was so relieved. After that, I realized that the choice I have and the question I should ask myself whenever I'm about to spend Money is: is this taking care of myself?
Did you experience a magic dark period? If so, tell us about it.: I'm not sure. I think I was in a sort of magic dark before. I felt I had done a ton of work with DIs etc., I was on the right track, and something would come up, but something needed to be out of the way.
How did your manifestation come through?: There were several mini manifestations, maybe "bridge" manifestations. Jas of Moon's website had a sale the day I clicked on it. I bought a money management workshop for half the price (and it was really useful and practical). I got invited to an online workshop designed for different psychological money types, which gave me even more clarity. I finished my monthly and yearly budget without feeling panicked and realized I could totally pay off a couple of debts (quite fast, actually) even save some money.
I knew I would have some tax refund coming in later that month, and I thought it would be 1500€, but it turned out to be 1800€, so I could feel even more in control, or rather at ease, because I don't feel like I control Money but that I have more clarity and peace of mind, which is the first time I have felt this in about 3 or 4 years.
How long did it take for your manifestation to come through after crafting your initial list?: I crafted the list at the start of the Manifestation challenge, and the 1800€ just came in at the end of the challenge.
How frequently were you using the workshops and DI's when you noticed the biggest shift surrounding your manifestation?: I do them every day.
How do you incorporate this work into your life on a daily basis? Any tips, tricks or recommendations for getting the most out of it, or personalizing it?: I usually do this in the afternoon, after work and some creative activity. I go back to the last thing I wrote in my journal. Sometimes I go back a bit, especially if a big block or shadow has just appeared. Just by reading again what I wrote and feeling the sensation I feel, I decide, is this still triggering me? What would be the best DI (sometimes I do the same DI and talk some more to my shadow)? Do I just need to digest this, read about this subject, journal some more? I think it depends on how acutely I feel the trigger.
