Discovering Myself & Meeting The Perfect Partner
What is your cultural upbringing and background?: Small-town-white-girl-only-child. That's the short version. My mother and father raised me with traditional values, including a strong work ethic, honesty, integrity, and consistency. She did secretarial jobs. He was an electrician. We had just enough money to cover all our needs and a few wants. Being good was far more important than feeling good. And I was a GOOD GIRL. That is probably what brought me to TBM.
Are you currently a Pathway Member?: No
What was on your manifestation list?: Very simply put, I wanted a true life partner. Unconditional love. A relationship that generated energy, not used it up.
What workshops did you use and what blocks did you discover during the DIs & workshops?: How to Manifest. Unblocked Inner Child. Unblocked Shadow. Unblocked Money. Unblocked Love. Uplevel. Unblocked Boundaries.
I discovered my "Fatal Flaw." Let me expand:
I regarded my personality as likable and easy to get along with. I was a great communicator, empathetic, giving, kind, funny, loving, emotionally competent, patient, loyal, and smart. All good things. But I hit my first rock bottom when my husband of 14 years left me one night for a younger woman. I was 45. And apparently, that laundry list of great qualities PLUS my long-standing label as a GOOD GIRL had earned me exactly NOTHING in my primary relationship. Not just nothing.- I had had my entire life as I knew it ripped from underneath me. All the women I knew well who had intact relationships had no problem being a bit moody or brash or sloppy on a regular basis. Why hadn't my strict commitment to being good saved me from failure??
My fatal flaw was the mess inside. What was not allowed to be seen...especially by a lover. If anyone caught a glimpse of that horror, I would be shunned. That fatal flaw reeked of "unloveable, invisible, jealous, anxious, not enough, unworthy, needy, emotional." I was blocked by my fear of being ugly to others. I had to control and hide. If not, I would be abandoned - my greatest fear. The irony was, that I chose a husband who would never pry into what I didn't want to show him, and he abandoned me because he could not love me. He didn't know me. I never showed him.
What expanders did you find?: My aunt and uncle, who have had a long, peaceful, drama-free marriage and even to this day, continue to choose each other's company over any form of distraction or entertainment.
My best friend, whose marriage I admire. She brought me to TBM.
Beyoncé (don't laugh). If looks, talent, money, and sex appeal were protective against being cheated on, it would have never happened to her. Taking her as an example gave me the freedom to stop thinking my ex-husband's cheating had anything to do with me.
What tests did you face? Which did you pass? Not pass?: A couple of years after my marriage ended, I felt strong enough to go on a date. Very soon after I'd realized this, an old acquaintance suddenly contacted me. We were both singles at this point. I had always enjoyed his company, and we fell quickly in love. After just a few weeks, cracks began to show. His energy was inconsistent, and I struggled between taking it personally, giving him space, and wondering if he simply wasn't ready and, therefore, not "my person." We broke up, and I was heartbroken. There were months of back and forth - I felt alive, then devastated. It was exhausting. Even after the second and final break-up, we kept reaching out to each other "as friends," and I had to admit to myself that I was still harboring hope. At some point in this process, I bought a Pathway membership and dove deep.
Once I had pinpointed my manifestation, I was tested again and again by this man in my life. I finally set not just an energetic boundary but put it into action as well. On May 11, 2021, we stopped reaching out to one another. 2 months to the day after that, I knew my manifestation had come through.
Did you experience a magic dark period? If so, tell us about it.: The two months between stopping all communication between my "test" man and meeting my manifestation, it was dark and still. NOTHING happened. I knew it was the magic dark, and I started talking to my manifestation, telling him I loved him and was looking forward to seeing him for the first time when it was right for both of us. When our circumstances and hearts were aligned. I had no image of his face but felt his energy and knew he was wrapping up loose ends as preparation to come through.
How did your manifestation come through?: I opened a portal, just like TBM says.
Tinder!! (Ha ha ha ha!! Never imagined myself doing THAT!)
I wrote my profile in one go, impulsively, only editing for spelling and grammar but not changing the essence of what my subconscious wanted to project. I wanted it to only let through a minimum of men so I wouldn't get confused. It was about being in the moment, being centered, being clear that I had four children, not needing a man but wanting to share the beauty I already had in this world.
After several lovely potential candidates, we matched five days later. I was electrified from scalp to knees when his message popped up. Unprompted, he had used a lightning bolt and gratitude emojis, and it's exactly how I felt. I remember whispering to my phone, "It's you, isn't it?". We texted and called and arranged a date. And then couldn't wait till the date and pushed it up several days. And met two days after we first messaged. Talked and talked and soaked each other in and kissed all night and just knew. Magnetic.
How long did it take for your manifestation to come through after crafting your initial list?: Exactly a year. I had made a list the day after, "not the one," and I broke up. TBM told me to! And I felt such hope doing it. It stayed in the drawer of my bedside table that entire year, and I occasionally took it out and read it - like a touchstone.
How frequently were you using the workshops and DI's when you noticed the biggest shift surrounding your manifestation?: I had gone through them all at least once in early 2021. I continued to listen to Expanded every week and sometimes read the testimonials. I accredit my personal expansion and newfound radiance to that work. What tipped the balance and opened the door to my manifestation were two things: saying "no" to settling and opening a portal for what I wanted to come through.
How do you incorporate this work into your life on a daily basis? Any tips, tricks or recommendations for getting the most out of it, or personalizing it?: Along the way and throughout the process of diving into the workshops, I continually practiced seeing my true, radiant self in all her glory. She comforted the version of me I was then. She picked up and soothed the wretch I thought was inside me. And gradually, these images all fused into the whole, integrated self I am becoming. The wretch was my shadow, the shame I was trying to hide away. "Radiant" is my core being, the calm, clear, love-filled being I am - we all are.
The key is this: let go of everything that is not you. See it, attribute it, do not judge it. But let it go. It is NOT YOU. It is a stunning spiritual realization. I cannot thank TBM enough for helping me get here.
Is there anything else you think we should know? If you made this process your own in any way, this is the perfect spot to share that.: It's not over. My manifestation came through and absolutely blew me away. Our foundation is one of knowing ourselves and holding one another in unconditional love. I never knew there were men out there that could not only talk about spirituality and personal growth so profoundly but live it out by example as well. Our paths have intersected and now our journeys run parallel and it's beyond anything I'd ever hoped.
It's true what Lacy & Co. say: it's not over when your manifestation comes through. It is not all smooth sailing. I now have a man who is interested in how I'm growing, who picks up on when I'm triggered and tells me, who wants me to bring his own behaviors and emotions and inconsistencies to his attention when they come up. It's still hard to be seen sometimes because I have always judged myself so harshly. Sometimes it feels like criticism. And when I feel down, it feels like if I show him even one more aspect of my inner self, he might leave.
But he knows. And I know. And when pain or fear comes up, I know its source. I can feel them, name them and let them go. Forever. They will not block me in love anymore.
WORKSHOPS
How to Manifest / Shadow / Inner Child / Uplevel / Money / Love / Boundaries
