Connecting With My Soul & Pursuing My Passions
Name: Erin Goodwin
Where do you reside?: Cape Town, South Africa
What is your cultural upbringing and background?: I am white, South African, with my ancestors being European (Irish and Scottish, Gypsies)
Are you currently a Pathway Member?: Yes
What was on your manifestation list?:
- feeling love in my heart, whole, and not needing men's attention to validate me
- recovery from love addiction
- being paid to write, with the ultimate goal of publishing a book - to develop my psychic gifts
- to heal my hormones and gut issues
- to come off my antidepressants
- weight loss
- to meet members of my soul family and to otherwise build a supportive community that wants deep connection as much as I do (side note, I have manifested loads more, which is in a testimonial on here, but these are the most recent manifestations that have landed because of the magnetism challenge and the TBM work that I have totally committed myself to over the last two years).
What workshops did you use and what blocks did you discover during the DIs & workshops?: Girl, ALL OF THEM. I cycle between the daily practice DIs mainly, and I jump in and out of different workshops intuitively, but I have done all of them many times. At the moment, I am loving the new Dis. They take the healing to a whole other level, and I am able to go way deeper than I have ever had before. I am noticing very powerful shifts coming a lot quicker and without much mental effort.
If you did work with a coach or a few, who did you work with, in what capacity (Q/A service or Session(s)) and how did that contribute to your manifestation process?: I have worked with Amanda Blair. Again, in my previous testimonial, I spoke about how her help using the Q/A service helped me to manifest my dream bridge job (which has brought in more and more magic and connection the longer I work with my now boss). About two or so months ago, I worked with Amanda in a session, and the healing I got from one session was so so needed. Amanda highlighted my perfectionism and my people pleasing and shed some light on how I try to control men in unhealthy ways. It was incredibly helpful to have a sounding board and someone who is an expander to show me where my healing around dating lies.
I have been so desperately trying to call in a partner for the last two years (I am 24 years old), but I have honestly just manifested the same kinds of tests over and over, or nothing at all. Amanda gave me permission to slow down the rush, to take a step back, and really take the process one step at a time. She mentioned love addiction, and when I did more research into it, I was mind blown. I felt so seen in what I read. I was able to have a lot more compassion for myself. This leads me to focus first on developing self-worth in dating - to break the process down step by step, rather than trying to focus on the partner.
What expanders did you find?: So many. Jake Woodard, Matt Cama, and Man Talks on Instagram, and Mark Groves and Luke Storey were incredible expanders on the caliber of the divine masculine, trustworthy men out there who are in integrity. Jessica Gill for recovery from perfectionism (and her relationship with Daniel), Lacy for being out there about her psychic gifts and for being so sure of herself, Amanda Blair for dating Montana Lower, a young mom who is living her best happy life with her partner. A lot of women who randomly started popping up around me served as mini expanders Dolly Alderton, for a woman who was in her 20s when she released her first book, Sahara Rose, for someone who is grounded and in her feminine Kelley Embode, also a great expander for a surrendered, feminine woman (and her relationship is very expansive, especially because they are so young)
What tests did you face? Which did you pass? Not pass?: Honestly, my dating tests have been a little different than what I have seen. Rather than being tested with ex reaching out to me (which is low-key what I was hoping for so that I could have the upper hand and show them that I was worthy and better than them), my tests were usually being met with men who triggered my anxious, love addicted behaviors (chasing when they clearly don't want me, fixating on men who don't pay me attention etc). These tests were really hard because it brought up a lot of feelings about being unworthy. It was as if the Universe was showing me that I actually wasn't worthy of having the kind of partner and dating experience that I was looking for. I didn't pass them for a long time. I actually had similar experiences with women. I would meet a woman who I wanted to befriend, and they would ghost me, or criticize me, or look down on me. I would then chase these women to be my friend when they clearly weren't interested in pursuing a friendship with me.
Did you experience a magic dark period? If so, tell us about it.: I have realized that my patterning with manifestations looks like this: - I know something needs to change because I feel very anxious in my current situation. - I do the unblocking work, feeling really good about it. - I reach a point of overwhelm, a point where I know I have to take a break from the work (I start overthinking all interactions, trying to decipher if it was a test - that is usually my sign that I have reached capacity with unblocking). - I take a break. My new neural pathway is at the critical point before the new pathway becomes my new way of thinking. I feel despair, as though nothing is going to change, and I haven't done enough. - I feel calm, pings start coming through, I take action - I manifest
How did your manifestation come through?: - feeling love in my heart, whole, and not needing men's attention to validate me: the most recent challenge with the new EMDR informed DIs really did this for me. I took the belief 'I am worthless' through the challenge. I unblocked my relationship with my dad (who was absent and worked overseas) and my mom (a very very traumatized human). I unblocked my need to control, my need to be in the masculine and lead, even though all my soul wants to be surrendered, to be lead, to be in my feminine. Now, I feel whole. I feel that I am love, that I am a divine combination between masc and fem. I am starting to allow myself to be led when someone else wants to take charge.
To take time to play and have fun. Now, in my bones, as exes have popped up on my tinder, I feel a full body 'no,' whereas, before the challenge, I was always tempted to swipe right. - recovery from love addiction: I have so much more awareness about my patterns. I am not perfectly healed. The feelings still pop up when I meet someone. But there is so much more space between me and my addictive feelings. It feels like a little part of me needs to be soothed. In the past, I would reject myself when these feelings came up and were consumed by them. - being paid to write, with the ultimate goal of publishing a book: I now am paid to write blog posts, AND I have been approached to ghostwrite a book.
I am currently writing it! I am only 24! - to develop my psychic gifts: I have started giving readings to people and have become too psychic. I honestly surprised myself. I connect with angels and spirit guides. Right now, I am working with a psychic to develop my gifts further, so that I can use them to be of service to my community :) - to heal my hormones and gut issues: this happened with a combination of Ayurveda (which I manifested support for for free), coming off my antidepressants, and doing the TBM work. Seriously. It happened so easily and naturally. - to come off my antidepressants: I had a ping that my body was ready to come off. I followed it and have had such an easy experience.
Barely any withdrawal symptoms (they can be awful, and I am very lucky for such an easy transition), and I am actually feeling better without them. So connected to my body in a way that I haven't felt in a long time. - weight loss: I wanted to lose weight without restriction, forceful exercising, and effort really. I have put on a bit of weight over the last year (about 10 kgs or so). Once I followed the ping to come off my AD, the weight has been steadily dropping off, and I have been eating anything I want (I am intuitively pretty healthy, but I genuinely have not restricted myself in any way, and I have come from a background of severely restrictive eating). - to meet members of my soul family and to otherwise build a supportive community that wants deep connection as much as I do: I met a sister from my soul family, and this friendship has brought me so much love and life.
We connected in a very kismet way. It felt reciprocal, and I felt so safe with her - which I have never experienced before. I am also slowly developing a community and the yoga studio I go to. A community of people who hold space for me so beautifully, who continue to expand me around how it means to show up authentically and with compassion. I feel so loved, so grateful, and so in awe of the work that I have done and the shifts I have seen.
How long did it take for your manifestation to come through after crafting your initial list?: Hmmm, most of the above came through because of the challenge. Some have taken two years of laying a solid foundation with the work - to be in a place where my nervous system could receive it.
How frequently were you using the workshops and DI's when you noticed the biggest shift surrounding your manifestation?: 3-5 days a week - and taking breaks when I needed them?
How do you incorporate this work into your life on a daily basis? Any tips, tricks or recommendations for getting the most out of it, or personalizing it?: Take it at your own pace! Your healing is happening at the perfect timing, and if a block takes you years to unblock, that is ok. Steady commitment is what brings results, not bombarding yourself with a load of work to do in one day :)
If you'd like, please include your IG handle: @erinsamgoodwin
