My Pings Brought Human Connection
I'm 43 and happily single—yes, I'd love a relationship, but right now am enjoying taking care of myself. No surprise for my age, however, every so often I feel pangs and wonder about having children. A few weeks ago, I felt this familiar ping rise up, a visceral feeling—I wanted to hold a little person, a small squirrelly body, hug and be hugged, and, maybe strangely, feel their little bottom in my arms. This ping or pang :) flitted through me for a few days.
The following Sunday morning, I showed up at my Pilates teacher's house and walked into her living room, as I have done for some months now, where her four-year old daughter is, without fail, transfixed by cartoons. That Sunday when I walked in, her daughter immediately turned and looked at me, gasped, cried out my name, leapt off the couch, and came running, throwing her little arms around my neck. She hugged and hugged and hugged, so long that her mom came over for a long sandwich hug. I held her little body, got to kiss and smell her hair, and play with tweaks and squeezes, filled with joy and delight.
What's remarkable and amazing is that this little girl is extremely sensitive—she's been diagnosed for extreme tactile over-stimulation—so I rarely approach her beyond a smile and wave as I pass by. She had never before thrown herself at me with such cheer and delight, even though her mom and I are close friends, and I've known her since she was a babe. This past Sunday, she did the same and I got to feel her wily, reptilian spine under my fingers as she pulled away. It's not a huge material manifestation, but it's magical. Thank you, thank you, thank you, I am loving this process.
