15 Years of Blocks Undone & Making a Living off my Artwork
In October 2017, I had a phone call with Lacy. I told her I wanted to manifest, “a job drawing comic book covers.” I look back on that and laugh now. It’s so far from my essence and true nature. But I was artistically blocked, I had no idea what I wanted down in my bones. No clue. I just kept trying to push, push, push. I believed in that manifestation for about a month. The next month, I had a miscarriage. I was about 4 weeks pregnant, and didn’t know it. And, it was tough. I was in a lot of pain, and lost a lot of blood. That was a low point for me, and it caused me to re-evaluate. And I looked at my manifestation list and I knew it was bullshit, and wasn’t true to me at all.
In December 2017, I wrote on my manifestation list, “create authentic artwork, and sell it.” I also wanted to create art regularly and without the usual blocks and issues (I was riddled with creative blocks, so much stress, and depression surrounding art). I began doing DIs to get clear around my artwork and vision. I actually started calling it “heartwork”, because that’s what it actually means to me to be a painter. DIs were so incredibly helpful in making this initial shift. Once I began painting regularly (which wasn’t easy, I’m a full time mom to a toddler). I would work for an hour at night, maybe 4 nights a week. This also was a miracle for me- to paint regularly and without painful emotions coming up. That was really the first breakthrough. I’m still in awe I can do that. Lacy’s work has been instrumental for helping me just paint more. The joy I am able to feel from just being able to paint again, after so many blocks, which haunted me for about 15 years. It’s something I can’t really put into words. And now I paint from my heart- and it’s not based on what others want from me or anything. It feels like freedom.
In terms of selling my “heartwork”- I sought expanders in the form of other women who had their own website and sold work through that portal. These women were at my skill level (technical skills I mean) and all had different styles from me, but that was fine with me. I wouldn’t say I found anyone who was an “exact” expander. I found 3-4 people that resonated with me for different reasons. And just took the leap from there. I also kept trying to call in and “in person expander” , but that never came to fruition, and I just found expanders via Instagram. That turned out to be enough for me. I reached out to one expander and she has been very kind and helpful in helping me navigate the business end of my manifestation. Along the way, many tests of self-worth, where I thought maybe I was crazy for even doing this - creating art, posting it on social media, launching my own website with my own name in the title (insane to me), and selling work. I had to raise my self worth a lot, and it’s a never -ending process.
