Learning To Sit In Uncertainty & Finding Community + Confidence
Name: Deanna Imfeld
Are you currently a Pathway Member?: Yes
What was on your manifestation list?: I really was seeking clarity over everything. When I am in low worth, I get flustered and try to do 20 things at once to see which path I am "supposed" to go down. My manifestation list included clarity with career, an art mentor, a community of friends that also love working on self-growth, a bridge job, inspiration for art, $5,000 in savings, my art published in a magazine, and a new spiritual art book.
Creating a routine is also very important on my list, as I felt disconnected from routines; a shadow of mine is feeling unable to keep a habit.
What workshops did you use and what blocks did you discover during the DIs & workshops?: I did Unblocked Inner Child and Unblocked Shadow multiple times. I definitely became the "perfect student" with this at first and discovered I was exceptionally good at uncovering shadow and releasing emotions. One of my blocks centered around codependency and my desire to externally validate myself. I found my blocks came in the form of hearing crickets when I would get a ping to do something. I would get a ping to apply to X job or post X product online, and I would receive nothing back. It was my trigger and my medicine to see that I wanted to do these things with or without validation for them.
I wanted to give a HUGE shoutout to Atarah Valentine as well. I got to a point where I was just constantly uncovering new blocks and felt so low, but also so magnetic, that when I finally took the leap and invested in myself, I realized how close I was to my authentic self. He listened so well to my story and helped me see the importance of lifting myself up once I let go of those shadows. We have met twice, each a month apart, and in that short while, I have felt more connected to my self worth than I've ever been. He has been such an expander too, showing me how we don't have to put ourselves in boxes to feel in control. We seek out our joys, which then create our magnetic environment. I can't recommend him enough!
What expanders did you find?: I have a whole excel sheet on expanders. I LOVE finding expanders. And I was struggling with finding my authentic code, but once I started writing out all my expanders, I began categorizing them and easily found the essence of what lights me up.
What tests did you face? Which did you pass? Not pass?: I found I had been jumping off cliffs from a young age. When I was 5, I told everyone I would live in Australia one day, and then when I was 18, I moved there for three years. I set out with the intention of getting back to my five year old self. Right before I got into this work, I also jumped and moved to Los Angeles on a whim, to discover that I had family I never knew I had out there (a close family was something on my list before actually writing a list). I started listening to the podcast in 2018 and started trying things on my own, such as Joe Dispenza, working with a holistic life coach, and reading ALL the books before jumping fully into this working in January 2020.
I jumped off a huge cliff in April of this year, realizing that I wasn't happy pursuing a job in marketing, where I kept encountering toxic bosses, and leaving a job with no savings and deciding to road trip back to New York. When I left the job, I received over 10,000 dollars and had the trip paid for in points besides gas. When I got back to New York, I was tested with all my old family dynamics and insecurities that used to make me want to run away. This time I stayed in the negative energy and allowed myself to release it and accept my family. I also had tests with friendships that overstepped boundaries and had conversations that were uncomfortable but necessary.
I have also experienced tests of not hearing back from jobs that I've applied to. I have fears around pursuing art and writing full time, so I apply to a bunch of jobs when I am in low self-worth. This, I am still working through. In regards to love, I have been single for four years, so I started this journey with the feeling of being unable to be in a relationship. I felt like I was so used to being alone; why would anyone want to be with me? I was also coming to terms with my sexuality and understanding that I am a very open individual, so I was afraid of being with someone out of fear of not being accepted for that.
But, a test and expander came in, and he was 99% everything on my list, but I had no sexual attraction to him, so I was honest about this work and what I wanted and what I was attracted to. I didn't want to settle or force myself to feel something, which I have done in the past. I've also had five people from my past pop up into my life recently, but I am letting go of them.
Did you experience a magic dark period? If so, tell us about it.: I am currently experiencing a magic dark with career and with love! It's wonderful. I feel so bored. Usually, when I am in a magic dark, I try to bring chaos into my life by downloading Hinge or binge-watching TV until I feel sick or suddenly moving to a new place. But, I've chosen to just sit in this uncertainty and allow things to flow to me.
How did your manifestation come through?: I manifested an art mentor that is a spiritual art therapist who has written a book (writing a book is also on my list). She is so fantastic, and I help her with marketing, and she helps me with my blocks. She also has an art community where she holds monthly meetups, so I have found a community along with TBM.
I have manifested savings, an iPad, a spiritual artist book, and coaching sessions with Atarah! I've allowed myself to not feel guilty for investing in my self-growth, which is very important to me. I have also manifested a daily health routine, writing expanders, art expanders, and a new self-confidence with my body. Most everything came through as SOON as I started working with Atarah. When I jumped off that cliff and allowed myself to truly invest in myself, I was instantly magnetic.
The Deservingness DI in the Next Level workshop was amazing in creating this new sense of self. I also would do the Health DI, and then instead of visualizing my manifestations, I would sit with whatever I was feeling uncomfortable within my body. My nervous system is really sensitive, so when I am holding onto something, I get a pain in my body. I would scan through and ask myself what I am holding onto in my neck, for example, and then journal whatever would come to mind and then reprogram myself releasing the need to hold onto that. It really allowed me to feel light and magnetic.
If you'd like, please include your IG handle:: https://www.instagram.com/deannaimfeld/
What is your cultural upbringing and background?: Raised in a very small town in Upstate NY in the country, so stayed home most of the time. I've been working since I was 13 and was the first to go to college and also leave the country. I am a Cancer Sun Aries Moon and a Generator.
