Addressing Past Trauma & Shifting My Energy Completely
Are you currently a Pathway Member?: Yes
What workshops did you use and what blocks did you discover during the DIs & workshops?: This shit gets deep!! I have done them all, specifically doing a DRE in the morning (I like prosperity to start my day) and then a workshop at night. My favorite workshop has been Unblocked Shadow, and I've only been doing the pathway work for one month, BUT it made me realize how much I had already been doing by just listening to the podcasts, and I am so excited for what will transpire. The Shadow has been particularly important to me. With Unblocked Love and Shadow, I noted that I had dealt with a continual string of abusive people throughout my life starting from 5th grade when a boy decided to choke me in front of everyone in the cafeteria because he thought I was laughing at him.
From there, it turned into emotional abuse until I hit college, where it turned into sexual assault. I would get into physical fights with men; I would be verbally abused. My bosses, "friends," and crushes would diminish me, and all of them told me I was "asking for it." I kept thinking something was wrong with me; that I just had a personality that people wanted to hurt, but the workshops took me through every boy I dated, and I remembered the very first boy I liked. It was 1st grade, and I drew him a wedding scene (it was us, and it was adorable), and he drew me one back, but then told me that it wasn't of us, because he liked another girl AND me. So I told him to date her instead.
To this day, I couldn't understand why I was making myself small for others at such a young age. Then the DRE's brought me to my birth. My mom wanted to hold me, and when the nurse tried to give me to her, she screamed and started asking if I had a disease. I had suction marks on my arms because I was sucking on myself. To this day, my parents don't let me live it down that I was strange. When I was 5, right before I told the boy that he should date the other girl, my parents had me get plastic surgery on my ears because they were worried I would get made fun of for having protruding ears. I was taught at a VERY young age that I was unlovable.
SO, going back to the Shadow. I did the work and asked people to tell me what aspects of myself were not my best; I was expecting the worst. I asked my mom too, and she called me. She started telling me that she didn't know what she could say about me because she looks at me and sees how strong and talented I am, and she couldn't be prouder of me. I immediately started crying and realized that I could say every mean word in the book about myself, and I would agree, but being told that I was loved and was enough hit me harder than anything. I started integrating into myself and have noticed a huge shift in the energy that comes into my life. Shadow seems so scary until you actually get through it. I've never felt so weightless!!!
If you'd like, please include your IG handle:: @deannaimfeld
