An Unexpected Partner
Are you currently a Pathway Member?: Yes
What was on your manifestation list?: A partner who would be long term. My list for a boyfriend included: healthy, emotionally available, ambitious and enjoyed his job, had family who lived in the countryside where we could stay, kind and gentle, values travel, and would take me on a trip.
What workshops did you use and what blocks did you discover during the DIs & workshops?: Unblocked love
What expanders did you find?: I built up a lot of expanders, including friends and housemates, most of whom were fragment expanders, but I built enough to finally feel expanded. It took me at least a year to find all of my expanders.
What tests did you face? Which did you pass? Not pass?: I had A LOT of tests, most of which I failed. Throughout the entire year of 2018, I had dated a lot and got into situations with people who never saw me as long term, would ghost me, ignore me, and never invested in me. 2018 felt like my rock bottom year, and I felt very hopeless and depressed throughout most of it.
How did your manifestation come through?: My manifestation process started at the beginning of 2018. I wanted to find a partner and was very fed up with being constantly single (7 years at this point), but I wasn't sure what type of partner I wanted and what they would be like. I also had incredibly low self-worth where I felt like it just would not happen for me, and I was always dating emotionally unavailable men.
Throughout 2018 I journaled a lot alongside going through the unblocked love workshop, and during this time, I hit rock bottom with dating, and it felt very, very hopeless. I was never treated with respect, was always entering low self-worth dating situations, and it felt as though I would never have a partner whilst every single one of my friends were getting into serious relationships. I felt that it would not happen to me and that there was something wrong with me, and I just needed to find out what it was so I could fix it. During pretty much the entire year, I was involved in really low self-worth dating situations, and I never felt good or calm about dating. I also have an anxious attachment style, which made dating very triggering for me.
In the midst of trying to manifest a partner, soon after starting Unblocked Love, I went into a cafe by myself and saw a couple where I noticed the man in the relationship - he seemed so gentle and sweet, and whilst watching their interactions, I felt my heart opening up. This truly felt like a moment where the universe and my intuition were communicating with me to let me know what my soul desired.
Another moment of intuition and expansion was when I was at a birthday party, and I met a friend of a friend who had recently gotten engaged. We were talking about the engagement, and she told me he was not who she expected to end up with. The moment she said that, I just knew the same would happen for me. It really expanded me into the possibility that I could have a great relationship with someone different from who I had been attracted to before. At the time I was journaling so much about what I wanted, and it felt like a real moment of clarity and realization that I should let the universe and my soul speak to me rather than going along with my usual pattern of dating the types of men which were not serving me at all.
After what felt like my entire adult life never being respected and always choosing low self-worth situations with dating, in the October of 2018, a friend told me that someone I liked only saw me for sex and nothing else - (she told me she had a conversation with the guy and he had said some pretty disrespectful stuff about me). For some reason, this was the moment that changed everything - I had finally had enough, and it was that moment that I finally said enough is enough. I went home and journaled how I would NEVER again allow myself to be disrespected, and I would never again waste my time or accept any form of disrespect or dishonesty again - I would from that moment raise my standards in dating.
After writing this down, over the next week, I started to detox by deleting everyone I had ever dated on social media, I deleted numbers, I ignored messages, I blocked. I basically became a ruthless version of myself where I decided to say no to absolutely every connection, which had any evidence of not being 100% respectful or aligned to what I wanted or had any hint of emotional unavailability. Then… a couple of huge tests came in; one guy I'd dated for a while who I always liked but never showed an interest stronger than me messaged me saying he missed me. This was the first time he had instigated this type of conversation; at the time I didn't even notice this was a test, but I deleted him. Then another big test came through a couple of days later. It was a new guy I had met recently through mutual friends who were super handsome, lovely, and sweet but never organized a meeting even after a month of messaging - so I ignored his message and deleted his number.
I also had a date with a guy I met off bumble, and on the first date he asked to come back to mine. I said no, but he kept pushing for it, which I felt was not respectful at the time. Even though the date was great and I really liked him, I just knew that I had to say no and that if I wanted a relationship, I had to completely change my pattern in dating. Normally I would have found excuses for this behavior, but I realized I needed to take 100% control of my dating situation, and if I wanted a partner, I had to align my actions to that.
I also decided at this time that whoever I met, I was going to out my shadow to them on the first or second date and tell them that I have been single for seven years (something which brought on a lot of shame and embarrassment). I was going to be really honest and not play the 'cool girl' at all - I would express myself honestly and openly and ask if they also desired a relationship. I had promised myself that I was not going to waste my time again and be more of my authentic self.
A total of 17 days after journalling how I would never accept a low self-worth dating situation again, I met my partner through bumble (after seven years of being single). He was not who I expected to end up with, but the moment I met him, it felt like a sigh of relief in my body. I felt SO unbelievably calm. Everyone says who meets him how gentle he seems and he had the exact energy of what I had been journaling about!
He was everything on my list, including his family living in the countryside. He is very emotionally available and even took me on a surprise trip away to Portugal for my birthday six months after meeting. As someone who has a very anxious attachment style, finding a partner who is really emotionally available and reassuring has made the relationship so easy for me. The relationship, now two years in is still the easiest thing I have in my life; it just flows and feels so right.
What is your cultural upbringing and background?: Grew up with grandparents in Northern England.
