Setting Boundaries To Find An Aligned Partner
Name: Sage Radecki
Where do you reside?: Los Osos
What is your cultural upbringing and background?: Both my parents are white, with no real deep cultural ties.
Are you currently a Pathway Member?: Yes
What was on your manifestation list?:
- A partner that was committed to growth through partnership.
- Someone who prioritizes their health and well-being, speaks softly, and communicates from a place of tenderness and love.
- A partner that is adventurous, intelligent, soft-spoken, and humble. -- --- Someone that has a close relationship with his family and also the natural world.
- Someone who is financially secure and capable of living a healthy, sustained life.
- A more expansive job where I could participate in creative work and learn a new skill, and grow.
- One that wasn't a restaurant job.
- One that allowed me to pay off old debts and generated enough income for me to support myself fully, as well as gave me the freedom to live a healthy lifestyle—paying for good food, for my yoga membership, and regular self-care.
- One that connected me with a new community and grew my network.
What workshops did you use and what blocks did you discover during the DIs & workshops?: Unblock Inner Child and Unblocked Shadow - Unblocked Love.
What expanders did you find?: I created an Instagram and Pinterest board that was curated to what I was calling in—I often need visual proof, like imagery, to really feel inspired, so the visuals of both those platforms felt really expansive at the time. I also didn't have a strong sense of community and had just moved home to live with my mom, so there weren't many people in my immediate social group to look to for inspiration.
At this time, I was inspired by Rising Woman. Her ideas and approach to a conscious relationship were in alignment with what I was calling for in a partnership, and her writing style felt resonant to my own, which expanded my views on writing/creative work actually being something sustaining rather than just a hobby. I would follow any woman who was successfully writing and sharing their poetry and art as a means to make money, as I was trying to create a similar scenario for myself.
For partnership, I was inspired by Mark Groves and his perspectives on relationships and looked to him and his relationship as proof that it exists. I didn't have very many people close to me who were in healthy relationships that I loved, so I had to outsource and find people on social media with whom I resonated with.
What tests did you face? Which did you pass? Not pass?: In partnership, I had four men come into my life following my work in Unblocked Love. The first was the pastry chef at my old job—the job that was making me feel stuck and small. He was persistent and charming with his words and really poetic—which was a huge draw for me. He was outdoorsy, which felt important to me, but not exactly in the ways I had been hoping...mountain biking, surfing, climbing. He fit the body shape and dressed the style I had wanted as well.
There were a few months where I would flirt back because it felt exciting. But he'd often take it too far and text me relentlessly and be manipulative in communication, and those were all really big red flags. I kept giving my energy to it and mulled over whether he was the one I was calling in or not—but he was extremely passionate about skateboarding, and a lot of his community gathered around alcohol and drugs, which was also a big no for me. Because I was deep in my TBM work, I understood Tests, and so I finally had a conversation expressing that I wasn't interested and that our interactions impeded on my own boundaries.
The second test was more random. One night after work, I decided to pick up an ice cream sandwich from the grocery store, and I was walking back to my car and was approached by a man who said, "do I know you from somewhere" (classic). I've never been picked up or hit on in public like that, so it was different. He had a hat with the word "Sage" across it, so I responded by saying, "no, I don't think, but my name is on your hat." And, being the woo-woo person I am, I thought maybe that was a sign...that THIS man was the one.
We ended up exchanging numbers and planned to eventually meet up for some coffee and a hike, but when texts started coming through, I felt a ping that it just wasn't right. He was a lot older than I had been imagining, and when I had expressed that I was still grieving the unexpected passing of my boyfriend, he still insisted that we hang out and see how things go. I had an intuitive feeling that he wasn't the supportive gentleman I was searching for.
The third was a double whammy. I had been low on money and calling in a new avenue of income. I had an old friend reach out randomly about a modeling gig for a company called Cotopaxi - where I'd be paid and receive free gear. It also came when I was beginning to sink back into the sadness and depression from my partner's passing, rather than stepping out and expanding—the universe catching me and giving me what I needed. It also happened that the photographer was a local guy I'd known of, who was seemingly everything I was hoping for (from the outside). He biked, surfed, was connected with the natural world, and was passionate about his art (photography). Physically and aesthetically, he fit the mold. Third time the charm, right?
I showed up reserved and nervous and spent the entire day with the photographer and my friend, taking photos, connecting. The photographer was reserved as well, well-spoken and humble about his work, knowledgeable in the outdoors, down to earth, and really sweet. I think I went home and spent the evening journaling through decisions (I think at this time, I still hadn't told the guy from test 1 that I wasn't interested). The real test came when it was time to pick up my check from him directly.
He kept suggesting times and dates, and once I'd respond to confirm, he wouldn't respond, or it would take a few days, and he'd say, "oh sorry, I ended up taking a trip north" or something like that. We finally ended up connecting, and the two of us hung out for quite some time talking and then left with plans to hang out. I left feeling excited—I really felt like he was genuine and well-intentioned. But, days went by and then weeks, and I never heard from him. Everything was there except the communication and effort, and so, I let this one go.
The fourth was another big test. There was a particular area of coastal access that I would go to where I'd feel really connected to my partner Nik. I'd go and walk along the bluffs over the ocean and talk with him. There was one day in particular where I was feeling extremely low, and I stopped by to connect with him. When I pulled off, I really briefly noticed a car that I thought was cool with a surfboard hanging inside. The thought passed, and I headed out to walk and came across a younger man that I'd never met before walking with his mom, and we all stopped to comment on the strange, out-of-place fig tree.
I kept walking but had this strange feeling that he was going to leave his number on my car window. I turned around once I got far enough down the trail and saw him walking close to my car, and then I continued on. When I got back to my car, there was a note with his name and number saying that he was new to the area and that he'd love to get together for a walk...the note was attached to my window along with a piece of sagebrush, which also felt coincidental. Later that evening, I was explaining the situation to my friend Ali, and she stopped me halfway through and said, "Wait! This same guy came into my work today, and I noticed him right away," and she ended up explaining the exact outfit he had on. Even more coincidental.
I ended up texting him, but when I reached out, and we were trying to figure out a time to meet, it felt difficult to line up our schedules, and he made some snarky comment about "being really busy, but that he was good at his job and so he might be able to find some time "...and instantly I knew he wasn't the guy for me. So I never texted him back. At this point, after what I had been through with my last partner and the last three guys, I wasn't willing to wait or settle. I knew when it was a no.
With work I also had 1 test come through and it was at another restaurant, which, at that time, I was trying to get away from. I was trying to call in a more creative job where I could grow and expand my skill set while meeting a new community. A server position came through with a local restaurant—where they would hire me without much serving experience, and I'd be getting paid a lot more than I was used to. I ended up going in for a shift, and it was totally chaotic, and the environment felt extremely toxic. A lot of drinking and frustration and my schedule had me working late at night and on weekends...which I really didn't want in the job I was manifesting. So, I went in before my second shift and quit.
Did you experience a magic dark period? If so, tell us about it.: I remember there being moments of feeling really helpless and directionless. But with tests coming through so regularly, there wasn't much time for me to sulk in that fear and become disassociated from the work. I did get to a point where my money was so low, and I kept feeling like maybe I should just suck it up and take on more days at work again.
Right before meeting my current partner, I also remember laying in my car crying and feeling like I had hit rock bottom. A lot of grief surfacing and feeling so over it all that I just wanted to give up.
How did your manifestation come through?: The work and partnership manifestation were extremely interwoven experiences. The work one came first—I randomly received a call from an old friend, and she said that the place she worked needed help one day a week making their calendula and lavender-infused salve. They couldn't offer me more hours at that time, so I took it and reduced my hours at the first restaurant by one day. Through that, I met a really amazing group of women, who I knew briefly in high school from the town over. I would participate in weekly meetings within the company—which looked like a small gathering of people, with soup and veggie spring rolls and a lot of genuine check in's.
The space felt much more aligned for me and where I was emotionally. I then started spending more time with the gals from work and felt more encouraged to do other things that sparked joy. I started climbing again and was starting to feel really magnetic and embodied. One evening when I was at the climbing gym, I crossed paths with two guys I knew from High School (the same neighboring high school that the girls from work went to). One of them, in particular, I had been really attracted to throughout high school and would run into while climbing in the winter throughout college, and then...forgot about.
We connected that night briefly and then, for a few weeks, kept crossing paths at the climbing gym. I felt extremely skeptical because of what I drew him up to be in high school, but the more we ran into each other and connected, the more I got to know him genuinely, and all my ideas of who he was dissolved. We ended up exchanging numbers, and he would invite me to group gatherings where I connected with a really amazing community (which I was also really calling in at this time). Our love unfolded really effortlessly. He was extremely conscious of where I was emotionally with Nik and capable of holding space for me to grieve while also growing our own relationship and love.
He checks all the boxes on my list and more, and the things he didn't, I realize were extremely petty or ego-based. Once I met Grant, my now-partner of 2.5years, the job I had taken expanded, and I started working full time in an all-women-run warehouse with all of my closest girlfriends. I could tell each manifestation was right when it all flowed in effortlessly with ease.
How long did it take for your manifestation to come through after crafting your initial list?: I don't remember exactly, but probably 3.5 - 4 months
How frequently were you using the workshops and DI's when you noticed the biggest shift surrounding your manifestation?: I feel like I dabbled for a while. It felt really intense on top of the therapy I was already doing. I wouldn't ever be consistent with DI's - dropping that deep-felt was really scary for me at that time. Now, I keep my eyes open and sit outside in nature when I listen to them, which works best. But, I was in a really settled space of trust when I was doing them. I think having had Nik pass only six or so months before starting the work, I was in a really trusting state, feeling that he was guiding me, so any extra work that I did felt extra expansive.
How do you incorporate this work into your life on a daily basis? Any tips, tricks or recommendations for getting the most out of it, or personalizing it?: I took a break from it all for a while–for myself, I think there are seasons to this work. But I'm back in it, and using it more religiously than I used to. I ebb and flow out of feeling extremely creative and magnetic...and drained and reserved, often. I know when I'm feeling creative and magnetic, that manifestation work comes easy. And when I'm feeling tired and drained, I don't feel as radiant or expansive.
Sometimes that's because work is stressful and consuming, or it's the wrong time in my cycle. I try my hardest to check-in honestly and use what I feel as a gauge for what kind of work I want or need. But, I do try to fit in at least 2-3 days of really intentional deep work per week. Two things that feel really important for me in the success of this work are 1, having a space that feels like it's my own (especially living with my partner), and 2, doing the DI's differently than normal. I start with my eyes open and let myself close my eyes when I want/need to. I've always struggled with going deep into mediation, so this technique has really helped me feel relaxed.
If you'd like, please include your IG handle:: salvia_radecki
WORKSHOPS
Shadow / Inner Child / Love
