Learning To Be Upfront & Manifesting Aligned Partnership
Name: Lanie Potgieter
Where do you reside?: Chelsea, Manhattan, NYC
What is your cultural upbringing and background?: I grew up in a traditional, conservative family in South- Africa. I'm the youngest of 6 girls. I am currently living in the Big Apple for the last almost ten years, working in finance.
Are you currently a Pathway Member?: Yes
What was on your manifestation list?: Fulfilling romantic relationship
What workshops did you use and what blocks did you discover during the DIs & workshops?: Unblock Inner Child (twice); Unblocked Love; Unblocked Money; Unblocked Shadow; Uplevel; Authentic Code; Boundaries.
- Discovered my authentic code, which helped me to truly step into self-worth; a lot of inner child healing and reprogramming
What expanders did you find?:
-Friends, family, coworkers, clients who are successful in their careers and have healthy flourishing relationships and balance family and work life.
-Sheryl Sandberg - successful but good balance of strength and softness and happily married with children.
-Serena Williams- a strong, successful woman who has a partner who absolutely adores her and a beautiful child
What tests did you face? Which did you pass? Not pass?:
-Potential suitors who had similar issues as my ex-boyfriend (dealing with depression but not willing to get help; workaholics)- Not passed.
-Billionaire who provides financial security and blurred my clarity to identify all the red flags (drugs; strained family relationships; kids from multiple relationships)- Not passed
-Potential suitors who were fun, smart, handsome but not looking for a relationship- Passed because I asked them what they were looking for in advance of saying yes to any in-person dates, which helped to filter out and save potentially wasted time.
Have you experienced a magic dark period? If so, tell us about it.: Yes, there was definitely a time between not passing tests till when I started to pass tests where I felt discouraged, almost at the point of giving up, but I heard the small voice inside of my head and also was doing daily DIs on authentic code and self-worth to help to bring me back to my worth. I was also working through Dr. Tara's book "The Source," which helped me stay focused and in my worth as I was journaling out my dreams and desires.
How did your manifestation come through?: I started doing the TBM work about a year ago after I reached a point where I kept going in circles. Therapy wasn't working for me anymore. I was tired of falling back into low self-awareness and negative self-talk whenever I found myself allowing emotionally unavailable men to come in/out of my life. This created anxiety because I avoided asking hard questions and compromised on what I was truly looking for in fear of losing a potential partner. I did three sessions with a TBM coach to help me identify my attachment style, which helped me understand my actions/behaviors so much better, gave practical advice, and dummied it down for me in terms of what is a "hell yes" vs. "NO."
I started practicing communicating better with friends and family, establishing boundaries in a secure environment with friends/family, which helped build confidence to eventually do the same as I explored the dating pool with a new mindset. There definitely were many tests…initially, I failed more than I passed. Suitors showed up who had a lot of qualities on my list, but for example, one was suffering from depression and unavailable (similar to my ex-boyfriend), who I ended up talking to and trying to encourage for way too long. The next failed test was a billionaire, divorced with two kids from 2 different relationships and who does drugs on a regular basis. The financial security made me blind to all the red flags, but after a few dates, the universe protected me, and he, out of the blue, told me that he isn't ready for a relationship, and we ended it.
I had to go back to my core principles and really stand on my worth as I was approaching another round of "swiping" (I use Bumble and Hinge). I filtered out anyone who wasn't looking for a relationship and any other big "deal breakers" I had. Whenever I was asked out on a date, I would ask first what the person is looking for, and by being upfront, I avoided wasting time with men who weren't on the same page. And then I matched with a special person on Hinge; he started the conversation first, asked me out. I was hesitant for some reason and knew that when I speak to him on the phone, I will have to be in the right headspace, so I postponed twice until I felt I'm ready. We immediately connected during our first 90 min phone call. On Hinge, your profile doesn't show what you are looking for, so I was tested to ask him explicitly before going on our first date.
My birthday was a few days later, and we went for dinner the day before. He showed up with specific chocolates from an artisan shop in Brooklyn based on what I told him I like. In my mind, I was thinking, "this is the shit I used to do for boys and not be appreciated." The next test was that his profile didn't say if he wants kids, and it's important to me. He was very clear about his intentions, and I knew that if I go out with him, it will require me to approach the new territory of someone who is emotionally available, 100% into me, and will require me to be vulnerable with time.
So I had to ask him whether he wants kids, and yes, he wants them! I went on a trip. He called me every other day, texted me, and couldn't wait for me to come back. One week after I got back, he asked me to be his girlfriend. The stars truly aligned.. for those who believe in spiritual readings. I did a reading last fall, and one of my cards was on new love that will come in the spring, and there will be travel involved. He moved to NYC in February, and we met in the spring. I had to be patient and let go of control.
One of the things my TBM coach told me was that I date workaholics and that ambitious, successful men out there don't work all the time. My current (new) boyfriend works in healthcare and, on average, works 35h a week and always has time for me. He would even leave my apt at 5 am in the morning to travel an hour to a clinic for his first case of the day.
How long did it take for your manifestation to come through after crafting your initial list?: about six months
How frequently were you using the workshops and DI's when you noticed the biggest shift surrounding your manifestation?: Daily
How do you incorporate this work into your life on a daily basis? Any tips, tricks or recommendations for getting the most out of it, or personalizing it?: Whenever I feel triggered or tested, I would go back to doing a DI in the morning. Journaling has always been a big part of my healing process.
If you'd like, please include your IG handle: laniepotgieter
WORKSHOPS
Shadow / Inner Child / Love / Money / Uplevel
