Tons of Manifestations While Raising My Self-Worth
Name: Erin Goodwin
Where do you reside?: Cape Town, South Africa
What is your cultural upbringing and background?: I grew up with parents who came from major financial hardship and trauma with a capital T on both sides. My dad is of Irish descent, and my mom comes from a line of spiritually connected gypsies and witches.
Are you currently a Pathway Member?: Yes
What was on your manifestation list?: So far, I have manifested:
- better communication skills (I communicate my needs with ease, speak up when something is bothering me, and have been able to open up to my therapist in ways I never thought possible - this has been a massive manifestation for me).
- higher self-worth. I am literally my own best friend, and I NEVER thought this could happen for me.
- a more secure attachment style. I was so anxious and addicted to love. The growth through this work has been incredible.
- a better relationship with my mom. Again, never in a million years thought we would have the bond we have now. We were always fighting, calling each other names, and shit-talking each other. It was really tough. Now we are so much closer, and I truly believe it's because my subconscious projects that I will not tolerate shitty behavior. She is still the same as other people, but she is so much kinder to me. It's honestly crazy.
- so much trust in myself, the process, and trusting where my career will take me (I am a generator)
- a remote bridge job that pays in dollars (I live in South Africa, and the exchange rate is in my favor), doing something creative that lights me up. I literally had no experience in the creative space, my boss is amazing, and I genuinely love what I am doing.
- Free Tantra workshop with lifelong access (value R5k+)
- Free Ayurveda consultation and working with an ayurvedic doctor to heal my gut health
- CLEAR SKIN (my dermatologist literally told me I would have acne until I had my first child. THIS WAS A HUGE ONE).
- A gold chain replacement for free when I broke my gold chain
- An apartment in the Netherlands (exactly what I wanted and exactly everything on my list, and happened so by chance and kismet). I was going to study in Utrecht in the Netherlands, and housing for students is notoriously hard to get. The website I wanted an apartment from had sold out in ALL apartments in 10 mins. Before they sold out I literally just scrolled to the bottom, chose the first one I saw, and it ended up being EVERYTHING on my list. I didn't take it because I decided not to study again, but it helped me trust the process so much more.
- free coffees
- prime parking spaces (I used to struggle with this)
- loads of expanders (also in partnership)
- pants from Australia for the price I wanted
- clothing items that belonged to my mom that I wanted for ages. She just happened to give them to me.
- free yoga monthly membership.
- loads of expanders for clothes or items I didn't think I could get here
- An astrology book I wanted for ages that isn't sold in South Africa at all and is expensive to ship here. I happened to find it in a library that I got a ping to go to.
- notebook for the price I wanted
- Money when I ran out of money and needed to pay for my credit card to not be charged interest
- There was a festival that I wanted to go to. The day before, I happened to reach out to someone who was selling a ticket. She ended up giving it to me for free, and I was given free covid testing at the festival out of nowhere (you needed to be tested on arrival). My friends provided all the drinks. Literally all I needed to pay for was my food.
- a free juicer, which I manifested two days after telling the Universe I wanted one for free, and someone telling me 'goodluck with that' sarcastically.
Currently, I am still manifesting a partner (been on my list since the beginning), and financial independence. For this testimonial, I am going to focus on my biggest manifestations which are my relationship with myself and being happy single, and my bridge job. I believe everything else I have manifested have been bones the Universe has thrown me based on the work I have done in these major areas of my life.
What workshops did you use and what blocks did you discover during the DIs & workshops?: ALL OF THEM. (multiple times)
If you did work with a coach or a few, who did you work with, in what capacity (Q/A service or Session(s)) and how did that contribute to your manifestation process?: I have been unemployed for the most part of the last two years. And for the last five months or so, literally, nothing was coming through. Based on my trauma, I am a specific manifestor and a control freak of note—also, a recovering perfectionist. I used the Q/A service because I couldn't understand why nothing could come through. Amanda replied, and honestly, her advice is what I attribute to my bridge job coming through so fast after asking. She gave me permission not to be perfect. To do something that maybe was not what I wanted, but just something to get some money in while I unblock. I was trying so hard to do the process perfectly that I pretty much shut down every work opportunity out of fear that I would be failing a test.
Having her ok felt really good in my body and helped my release control. The next week I set out to email any company that seemed remotely interesting to me. After passing a shiny carrot test, I ended up having three interviews within a week, and kismetally met my now bridge job boss through the pathway mighty networks group. This bridge job is EVERYTHING I wrote on my dream job list. I honestly couldn't believe I got something that lit me up so much. I have had major blocks around work being soul-destroying and unenjoyable and blocks around me being creative. This job is so fun, and I never thought I would ever find something that I enjoy.
I feel so lit up and satisfied, and as a generator, this is something I never thought would be possible for me. It's completely remote. I earn dollars (with the exchange rate, I am being paid more than three times what I was paid for in South Africa for part-time work). I truly attribute getting this job so quickly to Amanda. It came through within three weeks of her getting back to me, after months of literal crickets.
What expanders did you find?: - my sister (who got a remote job and she is younger than me).
- guys I dated that had parts of what I wanted and not the whole package
- friends around me
- Lacy, Atarah, Salwa, Jessica, Amanda
- influencers and people I saw online
What tests did you face? Which did you pass? Not pass?: I have faced many, many tests. For context, I deep dived into the work in August of 2020. At that time, I was in a five and a half year relationship with someone I was no longer connected to. Our relationship was a playground to enact our traumas. We had really great times and really awful times. It was incredibly codependent, and I was very anxiously attached to him. In August, I got the strongest ping I have ever had in my life to leave the relationship for good. So I did.
At that time, I also decided not to pursue a Masters in Psychology and basically said goodbye to my solid, predictable life plan. I was unemployed, with no direction, and had just come out of a pivotal relationship. I started calling in a job and partnership straight away. As soon as my relationship ended, I got involved with a narcissist. When that relationship went up in flames (with him telling people he was trying to leave me and I wouldn't let him - very embarrassing), I hit a HUGE rock bottom. I felt addicted to this narcissist who was treating me so badly, I had no career prospects, and my acne was the worst it had been in ages. I dove straight into the work.
Before TBM, I had negative self-worth. I remember telling an ex that I hated myself. I didn't like how I looked. I accepted whatever I could get in partnership, accepted poor treatment from work, and had no internal source of validation. I tried to get validation externally through people-pleasing, and becoming what everyone wanted. I was incredibly desperate for a partner. I NEEDED validation from men. Being by myself was incredibly difficult, and I wanted out as soon as I could.
I started with Rock Bottom and reinforced it every day for nearly four months. That alone, without unblocking, created A LOT of magnetism for me, particularly because my self-worth was so low. I was attracting tests in dating quickly through dating apps and meeting at parties. The first guy was totally emotionally unavailable, with red flags all around. But, we got on like a house on fire and laughed nonstop. I was immediately anxiously attached to him, and we slept together soon after. I had a pattern of sleeping with guys way too soon, and as soon as it was over, it was like a switch was clicked in me, and I was immediately disgusted by the person I had just slept with.
It was the worst. So, after sleeping with him, I couldn't even look him in the eye, so I ended it. Next, I met someone who was also just out of a relationship and was displaying pretty scary manipulative behaviors. But, I enjoyed the attention. I slept with him and knew that I couldn't see him any longer. Sex really is an energy exchange, and he deposited a whole lot of terrible feeling energy into me! But, he ended up not contacting me again, which triggered my anxiety like crazy. So even though I knew he wasn't good for me, I was addicted. But, soon, we both decided it wasn't good for us to jump into a relationship, so we ended it. These two relationships ended at the same time, and I was incredibly depressed. It triggered all my trauma.
Next, I met a shiny carrot. We met at a festival and had an instant connection. He was everything on paper (in terms of superficial stuff - good looking, calm etc.). But, later in the night, a friend told me he had a girlfriend. I asked him about it, and he said he did. I walked away immediately and was not interested AT ALL. The narcissist I dated had been in a relationship when we had our fling, and I knew I was worth more than being a side chick. I felt incredibly magnetic, and it was a big milestone in my growth.
BUT, about three weeks later, he contacted me and told me he had broken up with his girlfriend. He said they had been disconnected for a while, so it wasn't a difficult breakup to process (RED FLAG FRIENDS). But, I was hopeful. This turned into a three-month barely-anything, where he would sporadically contact me every few weeks. We saw each other once. I WAS HOOKED. Completely addicted. I was so anxious and would obsessively check my phone to see if he contacted me. I was convinced that he and I were meant to be together. After three months and doing the work, I called it off. It ended really well, and he was very kind. But, my obsession did not end there. Oh no, folks, I continued to be convinced we were meant for each other for about five months after that. It was tough, but it also highlighted my blocks.
After my shiny carrot, I knew I needed to be alone. I started dating as soon as my long-term relationship ended. I used it as a distraction to not process the grief of my relationship ending. I hit a rock bottom again, fell into a depression, and was forced to examine the limiting beliefs that were keeping me in this place. This work has been instrumental in my healing. I am so proud of myself for being by myself for so long. During this time, I worked alongside a therapist as well and took antidepressants, which really helped.
Then after a 6-month dating break, I got back on the apps. Now, I started to finally attract men who were looking for something serious. I was shook. I had never met guys who were available for something deeper. I ended up meeting someone who was so expansive because he was genuinely interested in me. I know this sounds crazy, but I had never experienced what it felt like to have a guy actually interested in getting to know me. I had only experienced guys who wanted to sleep with me or guys who weren't interested in me, and I was chasing after them. It didn't work out with this guy, but wow, it was crazy expansive.
Soon after, I went to a festival and actually bumped into the shiny carrot that I was obsessed with. Honestly, so many feelings flooded back. I wanted his validation. I wanted him to choose me so that I could turn him away. I wanted him to see my internal shifts. That night, I asked the Universe for a sign if it was time to move on from him. I turned around, and there he was kissing another girl. I was heartbroken. It brought up a lot of grief. I had a big cry. BUT, that night, I went to bed early to soothe myself and meet my needs. That was also a major pivotal moment in my growth. Before, I would have gotten wasted tried to get validation from another guy. But I didn't. I looked after myself instead. Everything shifted after I grieved my shiny carrot and really doubled down on meeting my own needs and giving myself validation.
During this WHOLE dating process, I also worked through money blocks. Career tests were a lot easier for me to pass than dating. But, around the time I met my shiny carrot, I was offered a shiny carrot job as well. I took it because I was afraid. It was awful. The work was draining, and I was deeply unhappy. I ended my thing with the shiny carrot around the same time I quit my shiny carrot job. I also had little to no job prospects during my alone time. The only things coming through were jobs that sounded awful, were low paying, and were very inconsistent. I had many blocks around feeling deserving of money, shame around overspending, and believing work was meant to be unenjoyable and shitty based on my programming. My ultimate dream job list was to do something creative, be fully remote, be able to work at any time of the day, and not have set hours. I wanted to feel lit up and expanded by my boss. I also ideally wanted to work for someone from Europe or the US because I could be paid more.
While working through my relationship blocks, I worked through my money blocks too. Then after using the Q/A service, Amanda gave me great advice surrounding my career, which really helped me release control. Within three weeks, I met a woman who does the TBM work and lives in America. She has hired me to do some creative work for the time being. It is everything on my list and more. Even though it is not guaranteed to last longer than a month, I just can't believe that I landed a bridge job that I love and is so expansive. I honestly get excited to do work for her. The pay is great, it's completely remote, and she has manifested things I haven't, which is so expansive. I honestly can't believe I manifested this. Really, I never believed this could happen for me.
Now, I have also gotten so good at giving myself validation. I have a great relationship with myself. I love being alone and feel so proud of how far I have come. I was always pursuing guys, and now guys are pursuing me! Seriously, within a day of chatting to guys on Tinder, they ask me out. I have gone on two dates that weren't it, and I have been able to let go with ease. No anxiety, no fear that this is my last chance. I was ALWAYS the one asking guys out and desperate for them to like me. Now I don't really care. The guys interested in me are much better looking than they used to be and more aligned with what I want. I feel really confident in ways I never thought possible. My confidence is honestly through the roof.
I know big things are close because I feel so much more at ease. I feel trust in the process. I am not trying to control every minute detail of my life. It feels so good. I honestly can't believe I am where I am right now.
Did you experience a magic dark period? If so, tell us about it.: I did, actually. I experienced a bit of time waiting to hear back from my new bridge job. It was tough. I allowed myself to cry and was able to get back into my presence.
How did your manifestation come through?: They all come through out of nowhere and in ways I would never expect. It's like I'll look back at my list and be like, 'huh, I have manifested being my own best friend, and being able to voice my needs and higher self-worth. Cool.'
How long did it take for your manifestation to come through after crafting your initial list?: All of the things I have manifested have come through in the last year and a half—bit by bit.
How frequently were you using the workshops and DI's when you noticed the biggest shift surrounding your manifestation?: Everyday! Or, 5 days or so a week.
How do you incorporate this work into your life on a daily basis? Any tips, tricks or recommendations for getting the most out of it, or personalizing it?: It has been pretty easy for me because I have had so much time. But, I do recommend that when you find yourself anxiously doing the work to get a specific outcome, to walk away and come back when you are feeling grounded to get the most out of it and listen to your pings :)
If you'd like, please include your IG handle: @erinsamgoodwin
