Finding A Subletter & Pivoting In My Career
Name: Alexandra Petrullo
Where do you reside?: New York
What is your cultural upbringing and background?: Italian American - my parents were born and raised in Brooklyn (my grandparents immigrated from Italy), and I grew up in the midwest
Are you currently a Pathway Member?: Yes
What was on your manifestation list?: The List:
1. Subletter for my apartment
2. Write and perform my own solo show
3. New job
4. Get out of a toxic relationship
3. Clear credit card debt
5. Build my life full of things I love (the theme for 2022 was Love or Above -this means I am going out of my comfort zone a lot)
6. Build my career performing career, creating my own opportunities writing and performing my own work
7. Self-love
8. Self-worth and enoughness
9. an Autonomous, Creative life
What workshops did you use and what blocks did you discover during the DIs & workshops?: Unblocked Inner Child, Unblocked Shadow, Unblocked Money, Unblocked Boundaries, Authentic Code, and I do DI's daily now.
-Unblocked Inner Child- fear of being seen and feeling unsafe. Not enoughness and also being too much.
-Unblocked Shadow- so so so much same in being an artist, poor, fat, loser
In both Unblocked Inner Child and Unblocked Shadow, I started going back to the womb a lot- my mom found out she was pregnant with me, and my dad had just told her he didn't want to be married anymore after ten years. (I found this out later in life). She was going through intense abandonment feelings, so my womb experience was filled with separation anxiety. I started getting panic attacks when I was a kid when I started doing theater when I would have to be left alone at rehearsal. A lot of my anxieties and struggles can be linked to my womb experience, so I spent a lot of time there healing that space- reparenting my womb self to a place of safety.
Unblocked Money- I grew up with a lot of mixed messages around Money- not enough and too much play in here, too- we had Money, but we also grew up around very, very generationally wealthy people.
Unblocked Boundaries- i grew up saying Yes. that my worth was in my like-ability and you do as you're told and follow the rules. I always avoided saying no and conflict. This workshop finally helped me set a boundary with a toxic ex.
Authentic Code- Autonomy, Creativity, Freedom, Safety- Autonomy has been the driving word of my transformation over the years. I want to live a creative life and have autonomy. Growing up in the theater environment and doing it professionally and then in college, it's all auditions and being chosen. And growing up, I was chosen! In college, I really started to resent this, and I also discovered that even though I hated it most of my life, I needed to write. And I wanted to create and do the whole thing. It didn't vibe with me- the whole wait to be chosen for a job and then find something else to do in the meantime life- I am a creator, and I am already chosen. I choose myself, and I write and create my own opportunities.
What expanders did you find?:
1. My mom- she has and has had her own business
2. My writing coach- she has made a career from writing and performing her own work and pitching shows by inviting people to readings in her living room. She also teaches solo performance, and she's changed my life.
3. My ex-boyfriend that I wrote the show about- he was a big expander for me in terms of allowing yourself to have what you want from a career perspective and being seen
4. My sister- she actually introduced me to TBM
5. Both of my parents built abundant lives and cut from the traditional path ( my mom put herself through college while her family looked down on that, and my dad wound up running arenas while his family wanted him to be a cop). They both went their own way and were incredibly successful.
What tests did you face? Which did you pass? Not pass?:
1. My exes were all tests- which I failed for a while and then eventually passed. I definitely ran into the fire again and again.
2. The "Secure" settle Job- this was a murky one for a while - I knew I was settling but also was investing my Money into life coaching and writing coaching and everything to make sure the show got done so I wasn't building a fuck you fund - but the more I took aligned action outside of my comfort zone-the more I just physically couldn't settle like body would not do the work lol and then once SLT training started to click for me I quit. Other freelance opportunities have come up as well, and I have quit those much faster- once I see it's not a hell yes, I get out.
3. The self-doubt- am i going to listen to fear, or am I going to show up fully anyway
Did you experience a magic dark period? If so, tell us about it.: I think I am in a little magic darkness now, actually- I can feel something bigger is ready to come in, and opportunities have come in, but it still feels like I'm in limbo land, and the big thing is coming. I have walked out of all the relationships, done the show, taught classes, and done the work daily- I work on surrendering and having patience daily. My mind can get messy cause I want to skip to the good part when the BIG manifestation comes through. During this time, I am actively working on receiving and slowing down and having trust and faith.
When my thoughts start to run, I pattern break and lay new thoughts of faith. And when those moments of insecurity come up, I allow them, and I move through them. I have also been setting aside time to grieve my former self, this smaller settled version of me that I have known so well over all these years of my life so I have been allowing space to let her go.
How did your manifestation come through?: When I first started the work truly, it was mid pandemic. I worked in arena hospitality at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn as the Experience Manager for the suites- this was not my dream job. It just kind of happened. I never intended on staying, and mid pandemic, I was in my fourth year there. Although we had no events, they kept us on, so my first manifestation item was a subletter for my apartment. I started with Unblocked Inner Child and then did Unblocked Shadow and a sub-letter came through either after Unblocked Inner Child or Unblocked Shadow.
It came through very quickly, and I was able to spend two months at home in Saint Louis with my mom and sister. I was also involved and very immeshed with a very toxic ex at the time (we worked together, and it was four years of on again off, again torture). I knew I needed to set a boundary and that I was settling, and I was SO unhappy, but I stayed and stayed. I started doing the Unblocked Money workshop when I was home and finally set the final boundary with my ex. That's when things really started to kick into gear. I got into a regular gym routine, worked on my self-discipline, and finished my first draft of my solo show. I came to New York to be an actor. I studied musical theater at NYU and got out of college, and absolutely drowned.
I didn't love musical theater anymore. It wasn't what I thought it was going to be. Hours and hours of auditioning didn't light me up, but I knew I wanted to write, create, and perform my own work. It took me seven years- a job in an industry I didn't want to be in, two toxic relationships, a pandemic but on October 16, 2020, I turned in my first draft and was awarded a playwriting fellowship for the year. I was still kind of dabbling in the work at that time after I had done the deep dive with Unblocked Unblocked Inner Child and Unblocked Shadow. Fast forward to August 3, 2021-my first performance date for my solo show- I was doing the daily practice every day the month or so prior to the show as A LOT was coming up.
I also started listening to the podcast regularly during this time! (Plot twist, I also got back together with a different ex -the ex that actually inspired my show at this time as well). I was heavily focused on Unblocked Inner Child and Unblocked Shadow. I did the show for the first time and got a raise at work the NEXT day. But work was always settled. I never wanted to be there, and the raise still didn't match what I was originally asking for, and at this point, I was waaay deep enough in work to know- it was time to say goodbye. I wasn't in the financial place to responsibly quit a job, but something inside of me was like it was time.
I saw SLT was hiring, and I love the classes and always thought it would be fun to be an instructor. After doing the show for the first time and ripping that band-aid off, making good on such a big intention, I was like, OH okay, I get it- let's go. I had NO instructor experience but was invited into the training. Six months of training and two auditions later. I am now an SLT instructor. Shortly after I did the show for the 1st time, The ex I wrote about broke up with me a month later. I was settling anyway. A month or so after that, I quit my job- my last day was December 30, 2021.
I was also freelancing at the time and quit that too because it was also a settlement. I have performed my show six times now, and a manifestation comes through after every show. Part of the reason I was able to quit my job is that my mom bought an apartment in the city, and then after one of my shows, I found a subletter for my current apartment and moved into hers (she's not currently in the city). I was also able to clear off thousands of dollars in credit card debt after my last show. Teaching SLT also makes me feel vulnerable still so it's been a manifestation tool as well.
After I signed up to teach my first SLT class, I got a call to be part of a solo festival in May- I am performing my solo show five nights in May in a solo festival with five other artists, one of whom is John Cryer performing his first-ever solo piece. I listen to the podcast religiously now, and I do DI's daily. I also take aligned action in bigger ways that I wasn't doing before. My biggest struggle was always with myself and my thoughts and feelings and self-doubt, and I have been able to look at that and respond differently to those feelings. All of the things I am doing right now scare the shit out of me, but in the best way, my life looks completely different from when I started work.
How long did it take for your manifestation to come through after crafting your initial list?: I got my first manifestation in the first week of doing Inner Child.
How frequently were you using the workshops and DI's when you noticed the biggest shift surrounding your manifestation?: If not every day, at least four times a week.
How do you incorporate this work into your life on a daily basis? Any tips, tricks or recommendations for getting the most out of it, or personalizing it?: I am a generator, so I found for me that in addition to the work, my creative projects, my art is alchemy in my life. One of my greatest manifestation tools is finishing a project or performing a show. (A project that scares me**) My show itself is a celebration of my shadow self. It's a one-woman show about how I fell in love with a bar mitzvah DJ and then got tripped up in mistrust and started counting his condoms and how that led me down the rabbit hole of doubt which ended in my destruction- it's a comedy, but it's very vulnerable and shares a lot of things that one might consider shameful. It also scares the shit out of me to get on stage and do it every time so stepping through that fear makes it particularly magnetic.
To relate this to anyone- I had gotten particularly close with my own resistance and have made it my best friend rather than an enemy because it's my compass, and I know when I work with what I am resisting (it used to be doing DIs for a while before I made it a habit!). Where I feel the most resistance is often what I need to do the most. So when I am looking to uplevel, I look there first, and I use it as a guide. ( I have tremendous resistance around writing, but I know I need to do it- once I sit down, I flow. It's the sitting down part that's hardest). This is why I am a big believer in creating automatic habits. After my morning ritual- morning pages, EFT Tapping, Breathwork, TBM (which took me years to build too)- I stack items based on what I am resisting the most as a top priority in a day.
*Your resistance is your compass*- that's my tip!
If you'd like, please include your IG handle: @alex_petrullo
Is there anything else you think we should know? If you made this process your own in any way, this is the perfect spot to share that.: I take my DI's on walks sometimes. I also prefer to do DI's like magnetic self, deservingness and abundance, grace and confidence in the morning, and then if I have a trigger, I will go into it at night- with either trigger, Unblocked Shadow, or Unblocked Inner Child. I was doing those in the morning for a little bit and just based on where I'd go energetically. I prefer to do them at night when I don't have to do anything after.
I use EFT tapping and breathwork to really get into my body before a DI. I am a writer, and I can be pretty heady, so I like to do movement or breathwork- something really grounding before a DI- that helps me let go!
WORKSHOPS
Shadow / Inner Child / Money / Boundaries / Authentic Code
