Winning A Film Competition While Learning So Much About Myself!
Name: Chelsea Isabella Clark-James
Where do you reside?: Glendale, CA
What is your cultural upbringing and background?: White American, non-religious, middle class. Born and raised in Denver, CO. Fifth generation on my mom's side, my dad's car broke down there in the 1970s when he was moving across the country. Oldest of three. Brother was born with Tourette's and autoimmune issues, my parents divorced, mom came out as gay and remarried. My sister is Asian and adopted. Gemini, MG. Did a rebirth in 2017, Sagittarius, Projector. Practicing Buddhist.
Are you currently a Pathway Member?: Yes
What was on your manifestation list?: Winning a film fund contest to shoot another short film I wrote. Funds come with mentoring too, part of what I wanted. (I did specifically write it on my list - I don't always)
What workshops did you use and what blocks did you discover during the DIs & workshops?: Since I joined in December, I've completed the Manifestation Challenge, How to Manifest, Unblocked Inner Child, Unblocked Shadow, and Unblocked Money. Since submitting to the contest, I completed Unblocked Love and Rut. I'm also doing the Unblocked Challenge (my core wound is I am defective). From Love and Rut, I found my pattern of feeling overwhelmed, then insecure, then disappointed. My behavior would be frustration, then hostility - usually directed at myself. My codependent tendencies would have me needing reassurance from others/not self-soothing and then falling into victimhood and blaming others. Two weeks ago, I was notified I was chosen as a finalist in this contest. This week I got an email saying I was the grand prize winner.
What expanders did you find?: I didn't have exact expanders for this, but I did make an Expander folder in my photo app for all my manifestations and start to build it out.
What tests did you face? Which did you pass? Not pass?: From when I submitted, during Rut actually, I saw I needed to set more boundaries with my mom. I set boundaries with her (where my biggest codependency is) that erupted into a big fight, but I held to them and resourced self-soothing actions (literally hugging myself every day and high-fiving myself in the mirror). Doing Rut, I also finally acknowledged that I've been in a rut for like four years. I had an injury that changed my life, and I'd been in survival mode without recognizing what a trauma that injury had been.
I did have a test where I failed at something in a group setting that I had expressed pride in myself only days before. I fucking spiraled! Negative self-talk, looping on the experience, shame! Then last week, I found myself abusing my creative talents by forcing a story that honestly doesn't work. I'd spent the last six weeks so angry with myself, and finally I accepted that I spent money on a class to help me get it done (lack mentality uncovered from previous Unblocked Money), and I accepted it was okay to spend that money with no ROI. I sat in my disappointment - basically doing shadow work (said it out loud, journaled, didn't run from it). I let myself feel pride for simply having tried and told myself that my writing doesn't have to be validated to still matter.
Did you experience a magic dark period? If so, tell us about it.: After Unblocked Love, I had to step away from the practice together for a couple of weeks. I'd been so diligent about moving at a steady, not rapid, pace through the workshops, but I was in the muck and couldn't see straight. But then I came back and did Rut.
How did your manifestation come through?: I first received the notification I made it to the finals and then had a test on my writing and how I treat my craft. I'd been abusive to my craft. I acknowledged that, and I gave myself to life and pride anyway. Only a couple of days after that it was announced I was the winner.
How long did it take for your manifestation to come through after crafting your initial list?: I submitted my short film script to the competition on March 31, 2022. I was announced the winner on June 14.
How frequently were you using the workshops and DI's when you noticed the biggest shift surrounding your manifestation?: I journal daily and DI three to four times a week. I took two weeks off the TBM completely after Unblocked Love (still journaled, though). I noticed a big shift after finishing the workaround Rut.
How do you incorporate this work into your life on a daily basis? Any tips, tricks or recommendations for getting the most out of it, or personalizing it?: I'm still trying to find my groove with DIs. Sometimes I fall asleep, sometimes I can't focus, sometimes it's dope AF, and I can't remember any of it to journal afterward. Any variation I hear on supported, I try. I allow myself to experiment and figure simply coming back again and again is what's important. I do the workshop DIs on their calendar but between workshops do them maybe three times a week.
If you'd like, please include your IG handle: @iamchelseaisabella
WORKSHOPS
How to Manifest / Shadow / Inner Child / Money / Love
