Finding Healing, Magnetic Partnership, & an Aligned Home
Name: Lara Barnum
Where do you reside?: Port Townsend, WA
What is your cultural upbringing and background?: I am a white female from NewportBeach, CA. I have a cultural background that is as white as the boiled food from where our families hailed in England and Scotland.
Are you currently a Pathway Member?: Yes
What was on your manifestation list?: -A rental in my town that is near the beach, a state park, and walking trails
-A partner that helped me to heal past relationship trauma and who was 99% everything on a highly specific list
-Two jobs, one in housing and social work, that connected me to my values of community and being a part of helping to house people with complicated pasts, and a job that is super flexible with a supportive mentor in my actual field of expertise, behavior analysis.
-Small and frivolous things like thrifted Nike Air Max shoes, my exact size, a $2,000 rowing machine for $100
-The biggest things though are the very specific resources, like conversations, new friendships, and career insights that have helped me to finally break my lifelong behavior loops
What workshops did you use and what blocks did you discover during the DIs & workshops?: Unblocked Money, the Balance series, Uplevel- My biggest two blocks were about feeling safe and not catastrophizing constantly. You can intellectually understand you are making different decisions that are putting you on a new path, but the past trauma needs to be healed internally and not just with external decision-making. Low self-worth was a huge block that felt like removing an infected root. It impacted so much of my decision-making that kept the whole sad train moving forward. The need to self-soothe through numbing behaviors was also a huge deal to unblock.
What expanders did you find?: Every single week, through guests and process episodes, I've found expanders. It has been crazy!!! Finding people in my life who are giving up drinking, and choosing to approach their jobs in the social services and behavior analysis jobs differently and more sustainably. I have two career fields that are both complimentary but incredibly impactful energetically, so I've found expanders in both that are showing me how to truly take care of myself and not just push forward to the next crisis in my own or a client's life. The biggest expander, though, has been the way that Lacy and Jessica approach a situation or block and the kinds of problem-solving and questions they bring to the journey of understanding without shame or expectation of perfection. Having an internal dialogue with myself that reflects these conversations has radically reduced the amount of negative, self-limiting chatter that has a physical impact on my ability to respond in the three-dimensional world.
What tests did you face? Which did you pass? Not pass?: Lord! What test haven't I faced? The partner that I manifested was a huge one. He was an incredible example of someone who opened up my world physically and emotionally, but who provided me with the test I needed, which was to see that something wasn't right (he was drinking to excess) and instead of ignoring it, would lovingly communicate my concerns and how we might move forward. As I did that and gradually, the communication proved to not be effective. I moved to stronger boundaries, which were then not headed, and then finally broke up. It was a huge test for me to not expect perfection, still love the person I was with, and treat them with respect and empathy, but take care of myself.
It was a major deal to have it end, have him get help, and not have the relationship turn into something really dark afterward. I have a history of a breakup occurring and then having that person really go off the rails. I can have a normal breakup. I'm daily tested by not rising to the crises that are constantly happening in my clients' lives. I need to take care of myself and know how I best function. The big one right now that is super baby steps is taking out the one stupid glass of wine I think I "deserve" every night and getting my finances in order.
Did you experience a magic dark period? If so, tell us about it.: I think I have many times over the years (I've been in the Pathway for, I think, almost two years) and listening to the podcast for 3. But I'm not surprised by that because I've been inconsistent in work until now, and my change was very gradual. My baseline self-worth took quite some time to rise up, and now that it has, I think I'm more in a position to evaluate what truly is a magic dark versus my manifestations slowly coming me by me allowing them to come in and not rushing to imperfect representations of what they are (probably a failed test).
How did your manifestation come through?: The biggest ones have come through at rock bottoms. I left a terrible relationship, and my daughter and I had to restart our lives. We crafted a list and found what we wanted for an apartment within two weeks. While I was painting the walls of the new place, in our new life, I heard Lacy for the first time on the Goop podcast. I sat there and looked around and realized what had happened. It was a life-changing moment.
The other really big one was finding my new career path in supportive housing for the homeless. I had given my daughter's friend a ride home from work. The girls hadn't seen each other since the 5th grade, and they were about to graduate. She said she was couch surfing and hadn't been living with her parents for years. She was going to lose her housing that summer and didn't know what to do. It really hit me hard how difficult her situation was, and the next day in the paper, I saw an ad for a youth housing specialist. I started working there, and it opened up a whole new world for me that then reinvigorated my behavior analysis practice. Those are my two most impactful manifestations.
How long did it take for your manifestation to come through after crafting your initial list?: For my first apartment, two weeks. For my relationship, one year. And the last detail I had added to my partner list of "scientists" after having had the initial list for a year, I met him online a week laterHow frequently were you using the workshops and DI's when you noticed the biggest shift surrounding your manifestation?: I had been using DIs maybe only 1x a week for quite some time. Irregular journaling, etc. But I've really made it a part of my life, and I'm doing them daily. In this new phase of my life, my expander manifestations and opportunities come in daily.
How do you incorporate this work into your life on a daily basis? Any tips, tricks or recommendations for getting the most out of it, or personalizing it?: I had been listening to DIs in the morning when I first woke up, but then I'd fall back asleep, and it'd mess up my routine. Doing them at night while I'm ready to fall asleep and then doing the journalling work in the morning instead has been a game changer. The Joe Dispenza guided meditations have also helped me to be more consistent with my DIs and my journaling. I have felt like they really help me to get deep into my theta waves which helps me to get deep faster with my DIs. I also do DIs when I'm walking around my town in nature. My "safe place" that I visit is actually walking on the paths to the beach and in the forest by my house. I know them so well that it is very easy for me to drop in. I also use them when I'm doing a long run as well.
Is there anything else you think we should know? If you made this process your own in any way, this is the perfect spot to share that.: Really, the biggest one is my unquenchable gratitude to your team and this process. The decisions you have made to cultivate the "science-based" approach to this work made it digestible to me and my field of work in a highly unique way. I will listen to a process episode and break down the process, so it is behavior analytic, which helped me to improve my own process, but also reinvigorated my love for my life's work. As the scope of services has expanded at TBM, it's made the work even more exciting and easy to share with others.
