Shadow
Q: How do I navigate motherhood and not create shadows for my boys that they'll have to deal with later?
A: Do the work so you can show up authentically for them and are able to give them love and support. No parent can ever be perfect because every soul that comes onto the planet is authentic and unique and we don't know fully what to do for that soul. They're so individual. Every child is supposed to have the human experience, that's what makes them a human. The fact that you're even doing work to change and stop the cycles that you grew up with, you're automatically helping their lives. That's how we start to evolve into true consciousness on the planet. I have yet to meet a parent, even parents with massive help, who aren't stressed, who aren't exhausted and so the best thing you can do for yourself is to take care of yourself. Put your oxygen mask on first. Do this work when you have the time. I love to tell parents to allow your child to authentically unfold in front of you without projecting things onto them. Really allow them to show you their authenticity. One of the most important things you can give to a child is self-confidence. The more you can give them self worth and reflect back to them that they're worthy, that alone is going to make them incredibly successful in this lifetime. The moment they express interest in something, find them expanders that are like them or come from similar circumstances. Believe in their thoughts. Believe in their ideas even if it changes.
Q: I find it really hard to believe I deserve good things when I lose my temper and it makes me give up for a few days. How do you move on in these cases?
A: You're not alone. Everyone feels that at some point. A key thing is having the community and people around you that support you in your darkest moments. If they don't, it's not the right community for you. Most importantly keep doing the work. Sometimes we don't have control over our hormones and our emotions. We need to have the tools to either go inward and deal with them or get professional help. You also have to forgive yourself. I also forgive myself that I don't have the tools, and energy, and resources in that moment to be better, but I will maybe tomorrow or a week later. Be kind to yourself, the way you would with a best friend or child.
Q: I’ve realized that a lot of my shadow and issues stem from my memories and current relationship with my parents. And I can’t move on because they still behave the same.
A: First and foremost, I highly suggest creating strong boundaries. You can pick up any book on boundaries, and start to implement them. Your needs come first and it’s important to dictate how much time they get in your life and only reciprocate what they are able to give you. It’s very hard to do, especially if you’re still that hurt child inside that’s needing their approval and attention, but this is the way to start nurturing that inner child. This goes for anybody who has a parent who takes and doesn’t give. You need to create a safe space around you where everybody who’s surrounding you is only nurturing you and your needs, and reciprocating. If you’re in a very close dynamic that’s continuing to reinforce, “You’re not worth it, I can leave you any time, my needs come before yours,” there’s no way for you to grow into that magnetism because you’re continuing the neural pathways and continuing the reinforcement that you’re not worth what you want. Your steps are a lot more on the actionable and physical plane at this point.
Q: Can you help explain why bad people do well and seem to receive their manifestations?
A: Whatever is going on in our subconscious that we believe to be true, we receive - if we have expanded enough for it to come through. There’s really no such thing as a bad person. If we’re fully integrated in our shadow, there’s no such thing as bad, right? Because every human encompasses the entire human spectrum within themselves. It’s full acceptance of everything now based on society’s standards of what’s legal vs not legal and ethical vs unethical. That’s a whole different set of standards of truth. Then we have our own personal intuitive feeling of what’s right and wrong. It’s simple for people to manifest on a subconscious level if they believe what they’re doing is right. I like to say that’s why narcissists are some of the best manifestors because they truly believe they’re worth it on a subconscious level and they have expansion for it so they can get it. That’s why they’re some of the quickest manifestors.
Q: I am triggered when I have to repeat myself with my partner. Is there a way I can unblock this trigger?
A: A book I would suggest that you read is Getting the Love You Want, because it's going to give you a far deeper understanding of why this is happening. Additionally, you have to realize this is a 1000% your shit, and that when you no longer accept it on a subconscious level, your partner will stop doing it after a month of recalibrating your relationship. When you're able to reprogram on a subconscious level that you will no longer accept this behavior, you’ve set a boundary that you only will accept a partner who hears you the first time, sees you, listens to you and respects your boundaries and therefore it will stop. It will shift in your life. Reading that book will give you a better understanding of what that really looks like.
Q: Is it possible to do Inner Child about my in-laws?
A: Yes, it's possible to do Inner Child around your in-laws. I would even encourage doing Shadow and the Daily Reprogramming exercise for anything that is triggering within you. There are some aspects of yourself you have repressed and rejected that need to be reincorporated so you need to unlock what power that is controlling you. The reason they are in your life is it's a call to an adventure to grow into your most magnetic self. They're mirroring things in your life that you need to work on Shadow through. The next thing that I suggest, is putting up strong boundaries. Including structuring what it looks like for you as a family to be there together with the kids. You have to look at what boundaries are important. You don't have to hang out with them or be around them whatsoever, that is your choice and your partner needs to understand that. Focus on true subconscious work, so that you're projecting a very different thing. When we empower ourselves on the subconscious and then project that we receive a very different thing from the outside world, including people.
Q: How do negative shadow words aid me?
A: Look to how you can integrate the root beneath causing this shadow word. How can you own more of whatever that is? For instance, mine were poor and uneducated. For me, the root thing beneath that was I despised being a hillbilly. When I first worked on this and was staying back in my hometown at The Forest Retreat House I had a crazy shadow. I thought, “what if I gain a lot of weight because I'm eating poorly and trying to keep myself safe or what if start missing teeth”. I thought all of these ridiculous things and they all come back down to that word hillbilly. I picked up that it was shameful growing up to be identified with hillbilly. I just started to own it. I own it when I'm talking to people whose opinion I care about. It takes all the power away. I think it's less about seeing the gift and really finding the root that you need to still own. All the power is taken out of it and that's where the magnetic magic lies.
Q: If we want to change, say the word is victim, if we own it, theoretically are we accepting ourselves as a victim?
A: With a lot of my work, I teach people to open up the wounds, look in it, and then that’s the only way you can heal a wound. What I would suggest is being able to integrate it and own it fully so that it doesn’t have any energetic power over you anymore. It doesn’t bother you if someone calls you that. It doesn’t bother you if you judge yourself about it. Once you have that owned then you can start reprogramming to change it because of the energy behind it. Until you accept something there’s just resistance.
Q: I’m beginning to feel confused by how my 12 step program and manifestation work together. Sitting in meetings with people who are struggling makes me feel the opposite of expanded.
A:Finding meetings where you can be surrounded by expanders, or using this as an opportunity for Shadow work is the best way to approach it. I’ve done my fair share of meetings because of my mom and I used to think, “I’m not inspired by anyone. This is bringing me down and depressing me”. I started to look at it from my own personal perspective, and I start to think that there's an opportunity to do some shadow work here because what I’m turned off by and what people in this group are reflecting back to me. Things like back in my childhood or adolescence that I picked up that weren’t okay, and I wouldn’t be loved if I were those things. I actually started to use it as a way to go and do my shadow work. I would look at people who I would have had judgments about and I would go home and do the work through the workshop. It’s also about finding the meetings where you’re surrounded by people who inspire you. I cannot stress enough how important shadow work is to getting into your magnetism and accepting yourself as a whole. The mirrors in your life that show up are making you feel activated, judgemental, turned off, are all opportunities to become that whole spectrum of a person. It’s a beautiful lens to view addiction and healing and recovery that isn’t just about abstinence. It goes a lot deeper.
Q:How do you suggest reprogramming when anger is overwhelming due to a memory?
A: I recommend reading Letting Go by David Hawkins. You need to fully feel your feelings to let them go and reprogram. When you're down there in the daily reprogramming exercise and all of these emotions come out, and the anger is prevalent so you're not able to do things clearly, simply stop. Let the the audio keep talking or the music playing and just take your thoughts out of your mind, open up your heart, and let all of the energy come through your heart to feel your anger fully. You can put a beautiful bubble around them, so they're protected and let them sit there and feel all of their anger for the entire time until it fully releases. A wonderful DI for this is “Emotional Clearing” within the Deep Imaginings™. It may come again the next time there's anger. It just means you need to release all of this anger. And it will be so powerful for unblocking you. After the anger is released maybe that's when you need to go back into the daily reprogramming to do the reprogramming bit after you've felt all your feelings fully. The thing with emotional work is once you’ve felt the anger fully, it turns into grief and the grief turns into understanding. There's a progression of how our emotions work, and they don't last very long if we actually feel them fully. That's what I would suggest while you're down under hypnosis.
Q: What if I find Expanders but then pick them apart until I feel as if they are better than me?
A: I encourage you to do shadow work around all of these Expanders. When you come up against this block with your Expanders and think that they are better, start to boil it down as to why, and then start to look at why you don’t think you’re worthy of that. I encourage you to do that one by one, trigger word by trigger word and work each through shadow to build your subconscious self-worth. Each time you do this, you strengthen your expander trust muscle and you have to do a lot less work to “convince” your subconscious that you can do, be or have your version of it too.
Q: Social media seems like a distraction or self-comparison issue for me, but will I miss out on expanders?
A: Start to create a practice, maybe once a week, where you pop on social media and only go on until you’re activated by something. Activation means triggered by something making you feel bad, sad, not good enough. You then sign off and you take that one thing through shadow and you start to work through it to see what it’s representing in yourself that doesn’t feel good. Little by little things will not trigger you as much. You’re going to become a far more magnetic person, integrating all of those aspects of yourself. When it comes to expanders, they can come from all walks of life and social media is one small, limited version. If you’re still following toxic accounts then I suggest muting those or unfollowing to curate your social media to be all expanders and loved ones!
Q: What are the energetics behind the fear of being beautiful? I find myself playing small and not wanting to fully embrace my femininity and beauty.
A: You need to do Shadow work around what you picked up about being beautiful - other’s jealousy or insecurity putting you down - integrate and own it. What's usually going on here is that from a young age you wanted to play small because you threatened people with your beauty. Whether it was in school, growing up, friends, you were so beautiful that they were jealous of you and you just wanted to be loved and liked so you tried to shrink and hide your beauty so it didn’t push away what all humans desire- to be loved for exactly who they authentically are. If that's what's going on you need to do all the shadow work and inner child work around that. The second part can be that you grew up with a deeply insecure mother, deeply insecure sisters that modeled back to you to not be fully in your power. Therefore, you took on the identity of, “I have to not be seen”. Even in that case what's going to be very helpful for you will be Shadow and Inner Child. The more we can embrace what we are authentically and pump up the power around it, the better. The more you can own it through shadow and do all the reparenting around the people who didn't accept you, then the more you can take all your power back and own it so beautifully, nobody will question it and everybody will gravitate to you. You will manifest and be so magnetic because the only thing that everybody desires and what truly creates magnetism is being totally whole authentically worthy. All beauty is subjective and unique and everyone is beautiful regardless of the shell you live in. It’s all about the subconscious projection!
Q: How do I approach expanders energetically so that I don’t come off needy?
A: Whatever is triggering you that’s making you feel needy, is shadow. It’s important to work through that. When you’re magnetic, you’re not needing approval or needing to be loved. You will be able to simply ask since you’re free of whatever the answer is because your worth isn’t wrapped up in it.
Q: Is there ever a point that the aspect of shadow becomes so integrated through repetitive love and acceptance that it’s no longer triggered in our external reality?
A: If you’ve fully owned and integrated something, it may continue to come up to test how fully integrated you are. It takes little tests and once you really get to a point through repetition of knowing how to own it further, sit with it, be present with it and own it. Through that repetition, it will usually eliminate out of your life and it won’t come up in your external reality anymore. No matter who you’re with or where you’re at, just own it and eventually you’re going to own it so much that it doesn’t even show up in your external reality anymore.
Q: I had a breakthrough while shadow that every single rejected aspect of self that I could come up directly points back to my fear of being anything like my mom. Every word that triggers me is a word I've used to describe her. I realize I need to do a lot of work and re-parent, but when it comes to shadow, how do you integrate the aspects of the entire person?
A: You've got to start accepting your mom and loving her for exactly who she is. This is hard and it takes a lot of work. It's where I'm at with my mom and that's taken a lot of time. I've spent a lot of my life running away from being anything like my parents or the lifestyle I grew up with and the values I grew up with. Then, I had to get to a point at around 27 where I had to actually start accepting those things and owning those things. Great examples are words like a hillbilly or white trash, all of these kinds of things that I used to reject. In order to really integrate within yourself, you're going to have to fully accept your mother for who she is regardless of how toxic she might be. My mom's an alcoholic who can't show up for me in any way shape or form and I have to love her and accept her at that point and show up for her when she asks for help. I have a close friend who is constantly in conflict with her mom and her mom's also an alcoholic and never can really show up for her. This particular friend craves that attention from her mom. The best advice I could give her was stop requiring anything from her and accept her for exactly who she is. Then, you'll start to see her come around a lot more because right now, you're putting all these expectations on her. Whatever your capacity and dynamic is with your mother, if you really want to integrate this shadow in order to be very whole and magnetic, you are going to have to start falling in love with everything about your mom. It doesn't mean that you have to have a closer relationship with her. You can still have very strong boundaries. It just means you need to accept her for where she's at and then in shadow, once you've done that, you can split the focus back over to you to accept yourself for embodying and integrating those aspects of self. Once you have that all taken care of, watch how much opens up for you. You’re so unblocked at that point, but it takes time. It takes diligence. When you're around her, if you do still spend time with her it’s a good time to take note of every single thing she does that triggers you and you have to do some work. At the end of the night, it could be going in your room and journaling all of the reasons why the things that she does are positive and beneficial or why she does them and can't fully show up. Maybe she never matured past a certain age. But, you need to start to rationally see why it's okay to be those things and why it's okay to accept her fully for those things and own it, not run from it. Then, you can turn the mirror back on yourself and start doing that and watch the unblocking happen
Q: I’ve discovered a shadow aspect that doesn’t allow me to be seen. How do I program this
A: As long as that stays in your shadow and you’re rejected by it, it dims your magnetism. In order to own your power, you need to have your full spectrum of the human self. If you can be activated by everything in the world, that’s owning your power. It’s playing you like a puppet. It’s keeping you small when something feels really big and grandiose. When you do the work around it and integrate it and bring it back into you then you accept it. Doing the shadow work allows you to start accepting everybody in the world that is triggering this inside of you. The biggest thing it’s going to do for you is it’s going to allow you to start accepting yourself to be seen. Pick up the book The Dark Side of the Light Chasers and really do the work out of it.
Q: If you say the word to yourself in the mirror and there’s no trigger or emotions, does it mean it has been integrated?
A: No. It means you haven’t found the deeply rejected aspect of yourself. You have to keep digging down until you find the thing where you have a true emotional response, where it hits you. When it hits me, it feels like my chest is bursting where I feel, ‘That is something I’m so afraid that other people might think of me or have that judgment,’’ or, ‘That is one of my biggest insecurities and fears.’ That’s the stuff you’re digging and wanting to find in shadow and integrate. You want to take it through the other steps as well, such as integration and dropping it around people that you care if they find out. There’s something deeper there that you’re needing to uncover underneath controlling that freaks you out. That’s what is needing integration. This goes for anyone who’s in shadow work. If you’re not having a response or an emotional reaction or real kick in the gut, you haven’t hit the rejected aspect of self.
Q: How do I realign myself at a stage in my life where I don’t believe that anything is possible any more?
A: Our brain is like plastic. It continues to have reinforcements and therefore it’s continuing to imprint. If you’ve been through a rock bottom where you did lose a loved one or you had something else happen to you, maybe your whole financial stability was pulled out from under you and you’re having to reinvent yourself. It is imperative that you go and surround yourself with expanders who are so badass at your age and have it all going on still and did not buy into societal programming and continue to attract and do the things they want. I don’t buy into any of society’s feelings about age. That’s how we create neuroplasticity. Most of our true blocks come from childhood. But if you’ve had something happen to you later in life that’s felt like a rock bottom and it’s taken away your faith, or it’s taken away the belief system of possibility, that’s something you’re going to have to work on. Again, our reality is what we buy into. I would encourage everybody to choose faith because you can have anything you want. There is no expiration date on it.
Q: Is it possible to manifest self-love?
A: Getting into Unblocked Inner Child and Shadow and doing the Deep Imaginings™ often is super important for this. It sounds like you're wanting to reprogram your brain to have self-worth and wholeness again. I recommend revisiting Shadow and Inner Child every two to three months since you're going to be changing very rapidly, and also doing the daily reprogramming exercise at least three to four times a week.
Q: Is it desirable or even possible to manifest followers, popularity, fame?
A: You can certainly manifest fame if it’s coming from an authentic place inside of you and that you’re following that authentic-ness not to make up for a high school/childhood trauma in order to feel better about yourself. If you are manifesting fame to complete you from an external perspective, it’s not going to work and if it does, you’re going to be met with earthquake lessons (rock bottoms) along the way to put you back into your authentic self. Anything you want to manifest on the physical plane is okay. Take out the shame of that. It’s about checking your ego and really looking at why you need it and want it. Is it coming from this internal place? If so, rock on! When it comes to manifesting a larger social following, it all comes down to asking yourself, ‘why am I still hiding and not wanting to be seen?’ Then doing your shadow work around that. Where you are subconsciously still projecting, ‘I don’t want to be seen’ due to past shame or smallness, you are literally pushing visibility away from you.
Q: Should I feel guilty about wanting to manifest wealth?
A: It's perfectly acceptable to want anything you authentically desire if you're getting down to your core wants. If you can get down to your core and see why you want it, it is okay to want anything you physically want in the material plane. When you reach a level of financial success and get the things you want without really having to think about it, guess what happens? You don't want as much anymore. You start to want to give to other people. The only way we reach a level of true freedom is when we hit the freedom in our own authentic projection and we receive it, whatever that is. Want what you want, be honest about what you want, even if it could be classified as ego. I have a great YouTube video called, Ego. I have a different perspective on ego with manifestation. It's time to get rid of the guilt around the things we want. It's time to get rid of the shame. It's time to get rid of the programming that's been programmed into us through exterior sources that do not give us the license to manifest what we want. At some point, I believe that manifesting success and money manifests freedom in your life. And trust me, once you receive it, it will become a lot less interesting to keep for yourself all the time- it gets old.
Q: Is it possible to over-identify with an expander?
A: We all do this. This is how we become innovative in society. It’s human nature. Someone invents a wheel then we look at it and see how we can improve the riding experience. However, it becomes toxic when we simply replicate it. A more healthy way to approach this feeling is to take inventory of how you are expanded by this person or thing. Boil it down to an essence and begin to bring more of that essence into your life!
Q: If I am annoyed by a person does it cancel out the expanding?
A: You’ve attracted this person, an expander, into your life and this dynamic is for a mirror to do shadow work so that you can reintegrate that aspect and become a bit more whole. Once you do the shadow work they won’t be able to activate you anymore and you’ll see how incredibly expansive they are.
Q: Do you have suggestions for ways to significantly raise low-worth?
A: Create boundaries and use the Daily Reprogramming Exercise to work through each individual trigger as it appears. I like to get clear if I notice I’m being small in a situation because I don’t feel good enough. I then go home and do work on it. I start to look at how I can take up more space next time. I’ll look at the shadow that I rejected that makes me think I’m not allowed to take up space. I’ll start to drop those in conversations. It’s a daily practice to raise your self worth. Obviously, you can’t do it retroactively aside from reprogramming. That’s the only practice I’ve tried that has been effective especially if it’s a process I’m doing at least three times a week and targeting what’s triggering me. Another thing is to surround yourself with people who have high self worth or loving energy to themselves. On the physical plane, one of the most helpful techniques out there for me is surrounding myself with people that already treat themselves or behave in a way that I’m wanting to treat myself. Other things I like to look at are the ways that I shrink. They’re a representation of when I’m not feeling worthy. The hypnotic reprogramming, new neural pathways, and the reinforcement of those have been incredibly helpful for me.
Q: Why do I feel jealous with expanders?
A: Anytime you are triggered by another person because they have something it is an Expander. Envy is the biggest clue. Let's breakdown the difference between jealousy and envy. Jealousy is when you’re afraid of losing something that you have. Envy is when you’re triggered because someone has something that you want, which makes envy one of the best indicators of an Expander. A great blog post to look up is called Envy. That post gives you the tools to be proactive about this activated feeling of envy by giving you steps on how to integrate this expansion even more.
Q: What's going on when I see Expanders and stories of manifestation and feel contracted instead of expanded?
A:You need to Deep Imaginings™ this until you find the root. Do the Deep Imaginings™ around it every single time it comes up. There are probably layers of where it exists in your brain and you need to work through all of those and reinforce the opposite which is magnetism and worth. The only reason why these great stories keep popping up all around you is that the universe is a mirror telling you that you can have it too.
Q: How should I navigate relating to my Expander without losing clarity of who I am (if I’m feeling too immersed)?
A: Take space. Stop looking into the Expander. Then what you need to do is sit down and journal out and extract what it is about the Expander that you find to be so magnetic. Rather than thinking about and idolizing your expander, start to look at how you can have more of the essence that you find so expansive and what you can embody.
Q: How do you walk away from situations that no longer serve you without feeling like a snob and, therefore, cause you to lower your self-worth?
A: Everyone we attract into our life or that we’re commingling with, also attracts a lesson and a test for us. We must act out of our own worth, which can help others act out of theirs. We tend to feel guilty when walking away from situations that don’t serve us. For me, that was the hardest thing because I’m actually a codependent so it was hard for me to start doing that. When I did, I started to see that I manifested whatever I wanted when I left situations that didn’t serve me. It started to strengthen my trust muscle so much that at this point in my life nothing stands in the way for me. We’re helping that person or those situations just as much as they’re helping us. Pain is where we grow most in our lives. Pain is the greatest gift we can ever experience in this human experience because it propels us into a wider capacity of consciousness. Please don’t be afraid to “hurt” another person, and that doesn’t mean go around intentionally hurting people. Consciously taking yourself out of situations that aren’t right for you will potentially cause pain for others. Their soul called this in and their soul wants that experience so that they too can expand. There’s been so many people I’ve had to remove myself from, and I was their greatest gift because it catapulted them into exactly where they needed to go to grow. That pain transformed them into exactly where they needed to go with purpose. Equally the same for me.
