Red Flags vs Shadow Projection
Hello! Amanda Blair here, one of TBM’s coaches. I keep getting this question from clients: How do you know if you’ve spotted a red flag, or if you’re just projecting your shadow onto your partner?
Projection is an unconscious transfer of your own shadow, emotions, & insecurities, onto someone else. This is a defense mechanism from our egos. Example: Assuming a new partner will cheat (with no reason outside of your own shadow to believe this) because you have cheated in the past or you’ve been cheated on in the past.
A red flag is a signal that a person possesses unhealthy patterns, behaviors, or traits from their own unresolved trauma. Example: Your new partner is flakey and uncommunicative. Or maybe they don’t seem to have respect for your boundaries and time.
If you’re questioning a blatant red flag, your attachment style is fighting to take over and is still trying to convince you that these unhealthy patterns are an expression of love. Why? These patterns were modeled to you in childhood either by one or multiple caregivers. So when you meet the unavailable partner your brain lights up and shouts, “we’ve found love!”. However, more than likely, you just found your pattern, again.
Can you break these patterns? Yes. The workshops available within the Pathway are essential for moving out of an insecure attachment. The closer you get to a secure attachment style, the more you will trust your gut on red flags and choose healthier relationship dynamics.
If you’re currently in a dating situation and questioning whether or not the red flag you see is real, or a projection, I suggesting using the Trigger Daily Reprogramming Exercise (DRE) or Shadow & Inner Child DRE to figure out why you aren’t trusting yourself and begin the reprogramming process.
If you're feeling stuck in this area, book a session with one of our coaches!
Photo by Robert F
